Good News, Bad News, Good News?

It's April and once again I get my period, this time though my luteal phase made it to day 11. I am bummed, but still going to keep to the program of reflexology, new diet, and consistent exercise. Plus I started taking B-6 vitamins which are supposed to help with Luteal phase length.

A couple days later, I go straight from low to peak on my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. Oh crap- I am pregnant. Just like before I had what looked and felt like a period. I tell Greg and he said, "you aren't pregnant."

I couldn't go the bathroom again, so I couldn't take a pregnancy test at home. I got in the car to drive to work (takes about 55 minutes). I called my mom and she says, "you aren't pregnant, you were just here (in Miami visiting) and you had your period". I said I am pretty sure I am pregnant. One might think it is weird that my mom can comment on my cycle. Not as weird as when she comments on my husband's sperm. As in this conversation, "I am going to buy Greg a multivitamin, he doesn't take anything." Mom, "You definitely should, and be sure to get him something for healthy sperm too,". She said it like you would say, "and pick up a loaf of bread on your way home,". She still doesn't realize it is weird. But I digress.

So I get to work and take the test in the bathroom and sure enough, within seconds, it is positive. I started hyperventilating. And not in a good way and certainly not in a pretty way. Then the tears come. I couldn't believe this was happening again, I knew I was losing the baby. I called Greg and he didn't pick up his office or cell phone. I called my mom and she had to calm me down. I collected myself and called the doctor. 3 hours later I was there for my appointment.

The nurse did an exam and said everything felt fine, but the would do a pregnancy test there (pee test). It was positive. So they took a quant blood test (measures the level of HCG hormone). They wanted me to go get an ultrasound to see if the could see the baby. I was 5 weeks pregnant. They sent me to a mall for the test. Seriously, next to a make your own stir fry place, was the imaging center.

I changed into the gown and had my first internal ultrasound. The tech asked, "Did anyone every tell you that you have a fibroid?" And I said, "no, is it a big deal" and he said, "kinda" and I said, "could it be causing my problems?" and he said "yeah" and I said, "is it big?" and he said, "oh yeah" and I said, "how big?" and he said, "ten centimeters". That means nothing to me. I am an inches kind of girl.

He said the only way to get it out was through surgery. Since the fibroid was so large, he couldn't find the baby, but still it was early, so it wasn't a big deal.

I went back to the doctors office and met with a different nurse practitioner, whom I liked very much. She explained that basically this fibroid is the size of a baseball, maybe a grapefruit and it is hard. The uterus can't grow and the fibroid is fighting for space and resources with the baby and the baby is losing.

So while sad obviously that I was losing another pregnancy, I was happy there was a problem and a solution. The next week I met with the doctor.

I came prepared with about 20 questions which I put together with the help of my mom, my best friend, and my reflexologist. The doctor said she wouldn't answer these until we knew we were going to do surgery. She needed me to do a lot of tests before then.

• Get my HCG (pregnancy hormone) down to zero, which meant about 3 more blood tests
• Have a blood panel done to check for PCOS, which she said I might have because of the low progesterone
• Have a habiutal AB blood panel to rule out other disorders that cause recurrent miscarraiges
• Get an ultrasound to get the exact positioning of the fibroid
• After I get my period, wait 10 days and get an HCG test. This is the same test they make you get before clomid. It usually checks to see if your tubes are blocked. In my case, she wants to see how the fibroid is affecting the inside of the uterus and if it really is a baby killer

Since she wouldn't answer my questions, I did a lot of research and found for a fibroid as large as mine, I would essentially need to have a c-section (same surgery) and instead of a bouncing baby, I would get a healthy fibroid. I would need 6 weeks to recover and all pregnancies would have to be by c-section. I quickly got used to the idea. My parents could know exactly when to fly up, my baby wouldn't be all squished, and I would never have to go through the pain of childbirth. I was all for it.