First Post- and an upfront apology

Thanks so much for checking out my blog. Before we get into anything, I need to make an upfront apology about typos and grammatical errors. While I pride myself of being well- educated and well-read, I am not blessed with the art of editing. In fact, my husband has pointed out so many grammatical blunders in birthday and anniversary cards, that I have started to include a red pen. Sometimes his routine is endearing and other times- not so much.

That give and take we have has seen us through a lot lately -in our quest to get pregnant.
My husband and I have taken things at a nice leisurely pace throughout our relationship, despite both being type-A personalities. We met in London when we were 20 years old. He went to the University of Pennsylvania and I went to Northwestern University. But we found ourselves living in the same dorm in London. After our first date, I told my roommate I was going to marry him.

7 years later, we were married- that's what I mean about taking things slowly. About 3 years into marriage we decide to take the plunge and start trying for a baby. We both had finished grad school and felt we were in a place in our careers where it made sense. Plus my mom's constant reminder that she wants grandkids while she can still get up off the floor, pushed us over the edge.

We had the talk before we tried - what happens if we can't get pregnant? Would we blame each other? But both of us were on the same page- we wanted kids no matter what and if it meant adopting, so be it. We loved each other, that's why we got married and kids were just a bonus.

So of course we had the talk and of course I told him you know it could take a long time, you never know if you are going to have problems. I feel like we all say that, but do any of us ever think we are going to have problems? I didn't- although I tried to manage his expectations, you know, under-promise and over-deliver.

So the first month, I was pretty chill about the whole thing. My cycle had been really long, but it was consistent. The only great effort I made besides prenatal vitamins was laying on a pillow for 30 minutes- which he affectionately regards as "doing your thirty minute thing".

And then the dreaded two week wait began. I half convinced myself I was pregnant when I felt slightly, and I mean slightly nauseous in the car. But alas, not pregnant. The next month we started trying again and I got my period. I was really sad. I honestly didn't think it would take so long, (I know, cry poor-naive-me a river, two months).

At this point I had put in enough time and broke done and bought the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. You might know it. It costs about $150 and the sticks cost $40 a month, but I thought it was the answer to my pregnancy problem. On day 11, I went from low (have no chance of conceiving) to Peak (best chance but totally bypassed high fertility). I thought this was weird and told my friend Kim. She offered, "maybe you are pregnant". I thought she was crazy.

So day 12, I do it again, peak . So at 4:30 in the morning, I go and pound down water. An hour later, I take a pregnancy test and low and behold, I was pregnant. I jumped in the bed to tell my husband the awesome news. He was in a sleep fog and didn't understand what was happening.

The thing was, I had what looked and lasted like a period. I did tons of internet research and found on babycenter.com that myriad women thought they had a period but it turned out they were pregnant and everything turned out fine.

I went to the OB the next day and met a nurse practitioner. She said blood isn't a good sign but doesn't necessarily mean anything bad either. Plus it had been a week since any bleeding. I was 5.5 weeks pregnant. She cautioned me that if I start passing clots the size of golf balls go to the emergency room. Um- yeah, I probably didn't need her advice on that one, would have figured it out on my own.

Luckily, no golf balls, and my pregnancy symptoms were in high gear. I had no appetite and was exhausted, felt sore in the right places, life was good. I started talking to my stomach and after a couple days, I got my hubby to say goodnight to the little one.

But on my drive to work one day, all of a sudden, everything went away, the lack of appetite, the fatigue, the tenderness. I had lost the baby. I was devastated.

We told our parents, siblings, and I told some of my closest friends, but we decided for the most part to keep it to ourselves. Something I later came to regret.