I have written before about the ills of TTC and being on Facebook. No doubt the day your cycle starts, the nerdy girl from high school announces she is pregnant with twins.
Today one of my webkins, as my husband calls them (friends in a group on babycenter.com) posted she hates Facebook because a friend's pregnancy was not only posted by the mom-to-be, but her dad and some other family member.
I signed on today and saw this guy I went to school with impregnated his wife for the - wait for it- fifth time. He is expecting baby number five. Man this gets my goat on behalf of all people trying to conceive. I don't want to begrudge anyone and their little bundles of joy, but the last time I saw him he was trying to get my friend to make out with him at a bar about 3 years ago and 3 kids ago. He still had 2 kids at the time of his attempted transgression.
I am so happy I am pregnant because if I were still struggling, this tidbit would have seriously put me over the edge and my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor may have found its death in the snow mounds outside my window.
As someone who hated the Facebook announcements and incessant postings of my friend's potty training exploits, I feel there is some gray area. Let's exam.
First, Facebook is an easy way to get info out quickly. I waited until more than 4 months to go public on Facebook and I didn't make a huge announcement. I first said something about the baby put an addition on its house (meaning my stomach popped). A couple people got it for others it was too esoteric.
At 19 weeks I posted that we confirmed we are having a boy. So that was my big coming out. I had told friends at about 13 weeks but not peripheral friends. That is the extent of my posting and I don't plan to post until the baby is here.
Why? Let's take my one childhood friend. Her life's joy is to be barefoot and pregnant. She is pregnant with her third child. Today's post showed a picture of her big belly and her two daughters kissing it. Her status said what a great day is having because she managed to drive through a snow storm, deliver treats to her daughter's school, get home, do loads of laundry, clean the house and get the younger daughter down for a nap by 1pm. Last week I learned about how her little one was going on a big girl potty. Talk about over-sharing.
Here is another one that was so ridiculous. A friend wrote on Facebook about her 2 week old son, who can't hold is head up, let alone read a status update, "Dear Jack, thank you so much for showing me and your daddy the meaning of truly loving someone. Love Mommy". Seriously, she got like 15 people click "like this". I am sure Jack is the greatest blessing on earth, but save it for you and your hubby.
Never will I forget the posts of my friend's cousin. It was seriously like watching the Discovery Channel. After enduring 6 months of posts about her pregnancy including updates on doctor's visit, who bought her what, her bed rest postings, she finally went into labor. She had updates on contractions every 30 minutes. Where did she find the time? Nothing will compare to what happens next. She posted once at the hospital, "epidural is in, hopefully baby S will be here soon". Mind you, you are paralyzed once an epidural is given, so her enabling husband must have fetched her the computer so we could all think about needles going into her spine.
For me, it was never feeling jealous of my Facebook friends. I just felt like it was adding salt to my wounds. All these people seem to get pregnant with no issue (which may or may not be true). Some people are on their 2nd, 3rd, and now 5th kid and I am struggling for one. I have taken many Facebook breaks in my day. I think if I had not been through this roller coaster ride, I probably would be one of these bubbly people posting belly pics and telling people how I don't sleep because I up peeing all night or I have a doctors appointment and get to hear the heartbeat. Our fertile friends don't have a clue that their good news can make someone else feel awful about their situations. So take it with a grain of salt and pretty soon, you can rub your pregnancy in your friend's faces.
I hear you and have actually had to hide one friend how is on #2 and not even married 3 years nor known her husband for that long. UGH, yes I'm bitter because 2 weeks before she told me she was complaining about not having money to pay the mortgage or the doctor bills from her 1st and she had been complaining about money since she 1st got PG and her 2nd was planned. I'm sorry but with the amount of money we've had to spend just trying and IVF, I have no tolerance or pity for people who can barely afford comfortably to live and yet plan to have more children that they can't afford. I'm convinced that it's the people who struggle with money who are super fertile because they could never afford fertility treatments.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to delete her but I can't see her updates either. And yes some people share WAY TOO MUCH about them and or their child.
I completely agree with your frustrations regarding facebook.
ReplyDeleteThis past weekend after taking my trigger shot and receiving a call from a dear friend announcing baby # 2, I logged onto to facebook. BIG MISTAKE!!! I learned that a girl that I went to high school is pregnant with her third child and as if that's not enough her sister is pregnant with her third as well and they are due the same exact day in August.
Then to top it all off 2 more friends from high school commented that their wives are both expecting and due around the same time as the sisters. Not to mention the other 2 friends who announced over Christmas that they are pregnant and will also deliver in August. SERIOUSLY, 7 friends all due the same month???? UGH! Not that I am not happy for all my friends, because I am... BUT come on, enough is enough is enough!!!!!!
My husband suggested for me to stay off facebook. Maybe I should take his advice but it's hard because I already feel alienated from my friends and avoiding facebook would only create more distance. Darn if I do, darn if I don't........Oh the joys of infertility!!!!
Exactly! I'm not jealous that they get to post baby bump pictures... Half the people on there I don't see IRL anyway! It's just annoying and I tend to hide people that can't have 1 post every now and then that isn't about their unborn child and how it's kicking them to death from the inside.
ReplyDeleteCome on ladies--their posts are not about YOU.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get pregnant (fingers crossed) you will want to chronicle every moment (whether or not on facebook) because it'll mean so much to you and your SO.
I just don't get the desire to "rub your [future] pregnancy in your friend's faces"--if that's how you feel about your friends, I guess you don't need enemies. And being so snotty about the "Dear Jack" posting is, well, just bitchy. Allow others their joy. And the implication that you won't complain about anything if you get pregnant b/c you'll be so thankful for being pregnant at all makes me chuckle. All this "I'll be more thankful/I'll be more fiscally responsible" is really just the notion that you deserve a baby more than others do--especially if they already have children.
Getting pregnant isn't about who deserves a child, so stop wasting your energy. BTW, I am 44 and I know I'm in for it when we start TTC again--I had my one and only son at 41 and it was rough going even then. Keep your energy focused on you, and keep your inner life as positive as possible. Doing otherwise does not seem to be helping.