I am not to proud to admit that I get daily updates in my inbox from US Weekly. Today's headline is absurd, "Suri Cruise hates Jeans". Are you kidding me? In order for this to be a headline, this must have gone through many steps. Here is how I imagine the process.
1) A 4 year old in Suri's Scientology Pre-School class, overhears Suri telling a fellow tot, "I love dresses like Belle not jeans like Handy Manny."
2) The eavesdropping tot turns informant. When his mommy comes to pick him up, he throws a tantrum until she gets an writer of US Weekly on the phone. The indulgent mom obliges.
3) The industrious eavesdropping tot offers an exchange, some shocking Suri Cruise news in exchange for a jumbo pack of Goldfish and the deluxe DVD edition of Dora the Explorer, Seasons 1 and 2.
4) The deal is made and the eavesdropping tot, says, "Here it is, Suri Cruise, and I mean, THE Suri Cruise, hates jeans."
5) The writer thanks the tot and arranges for the goldfish and DVD set to be delivered. In the meantime, a story like this can't be printed without fact checking. Finally, she tracks down a gardner on the Cruise estate who confirms that Suri rarely leaves the house in jeans.
6) The writer than grabs her editor and says, I have big news, "Suri Cruise hates jeans. I have two sources confirming it."
7) The editor says, "We can't sit on this. This week's issue is closed. Call the Internet team and get this on the daily e-mail push. We cannot let In Touch Scoop us on this. Not something this big".
And that my friends, is how I envision this headline coming to us.
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