When I was trying with all my might to get pregnant, nothing was as irritating to me as people complaining about their pregnancies. I am not talking about the extreme cases where people are hospitalized for severe morning sickness or had surgery for pregnancy complications like some of my friends have. They earned their right to make their ailments known.
I am talking about the comments like "It is hard work cooking a baby", "My back kills", "He is attacking me from the inside", etc. In my mind, you should be so lucky that you are nauseous, tired, or feeling kicks, because it means the baby is thriving.
I have tried to be mindful that each ache, pain, and sleepless night is for good reason. I really try not to complain to anyone but do find I slip once in a while.
Well lately, I started thinking, maybe I am not complaining enough to my husband. Hear me out. He always asks how I am feeling and I say good. In the beginning I would say, so tired but good, or a little nauseous but not that bad. Well as my third trimester is dangling before me, I have definitely felt the physical toll the pregnancy is taking. In my mind, I have had a good ride, about 6 months of feeling pretty good for the most part. I fear he won't have the true appreciation of pregnancy since I have been so breezy about it.
Take Saturday night, my back started hurting pretty badly. I feel like if I could lay on my back, it would help a lot, but you aren't allowed. I couldn't get comfortable in bed. I asked if he would rub my back. The massage lasted under 15 seconds, and ended with two pats, his universal sign of I am done with this . I barely slept all night, and somehow my speed massage didn't do the trick. I feel like their are wives out there whose husbands give them massages all the time, on demand, or just for the sake of being a nice expectant dad.
Okay, I know my theory of complaining more sounds crazy, but the other day, I was speaking to one of my closest friends who will be delivering anyday now. Her husband made some comment like big deal you are pregnant, that isn't an excuse for sitting on the couch all day. Yeah, I would want to smack him too. So she said, about a day after I had come to the same conclusion myself, "I don't think he gets how most pregnant woman are, complaining, making their husbands do stuff all the time. I should have complained more, so he could appreciate what I have gone through." Her pregnancy is basically over and she feels like she missed the boat.
I find myself in this state of in-between. I am so grateful to have a growing baby and healthy pregnancy. Each day, I feel more and more secure and confident all will work out. I chose to be pregnant and knew what to expect. And trust me, it hasn't been bad at all. But on the other hand, I do want some credit from my husband that I have been a great pregnant wife. I am rarely emotional, don't complain much, and haven't stopped doing things for him like cooking, like many of my friends did because they are tired, the smell makes them nauseous, or they plain don't want to.
But if I were to be honest, my husband has been a pretty great expectant dad. He definitely checks in with me throughout the day to see how I am doing, won't let me lift anything heavy, and gets excited about different baby milestones. There are no doubt guys out there that do none of these things.
So while there are men out there giving their wives unsolicited back massages and bringing home flowers every week, there are wives out their that don't complain about anything. I don't know where they are, but I am sure they are out there.
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