Gone but Not Forgetten

I have been a bad blogger.  I felt like once I had a baby, readers stopped commenting or sending me notes, because I was no longer one of them.  I thought to a degree, that there is a kinship among those of us who have worn our brand of scarlet letter, that you root for each other because it is a success story and something that helps us hold on to hope.

Recently, I have received a flurry of e-mails from readers who have found the blog after researching things like luteal phase defect, progesterone, the Clearblue Easy monitor.  It got me thinking, maybe there still is a place for me in this space, because I completely identify with the person I was when I started the blog.

My title of the post is Gone but not Forgotten, because I will never forget what I went through in order to have a child and that influences each day of my life. It is still very much apart of me.

A couple of week's ago, I went to the Ob/gyn for my annual exam.  A woman came out from an exam room, sat on a couch across from me and was quietly crying.  I also saw about 4 very pregnant women waddling about, oblivious to what this girl was going through.  But I had been that teary-eyed girl in the waiting room.  She said during her exam they didn't hear a heart beat and she was waiting for an ultrasound.  She was in her first trimester.  The same thing happened with me when pregnant with my son, I told her, and he was fine.  I got called back a couple seconds later and I couldn't calm down, because I was so upset about this woman, and wanted to know that her baby was okay.

This past weekend I was at a party and was speaking to someone I had met, and liked, over the years.  She had twins a couple months after I had my son.  Turns out we went to the same fertility doctor.  We started talking about what we went through and how hard certain situations had been like friends announcing they accidentally got pregnant, siblings getting pregnant at the same time we had miscarriages, and the constant need to pee on a stick.  There is an understanding we shared of what we have been experienced and an appreciation of what we have.

In some sadistic way, I miss charting temps and turning my monitor on each morning.  I actually miss the nervousness of the TWW.  With that said, I am jumping back into the blogging game because I know from emails, that there isn't as much information on the web as we would like.  And I also know, that some people, like myself, take comfort in knowing that if someone had their silver lining than I will too.