It is Saturday night and my husband has been at work all day (minus a 2 hour break for our infant CPR class) and it doesn't seem like he is coming home anytime soon. So before I settle in for a night with a Lifetime movie, I decided to spend some time cleaning out my e-mail inbox.
After sorting through way too much junk, I started deleting e-mails between me and my best friend. After going through a bunch of recent messages, I thought it would be interesting to go back to see what we were talking about before and after my surgery, when I thought I was pregnant in September and wasn't, and when I was finally pregnant in October.
It made me really hopeful for all of my TTC friends (which is a club growing by the day). In September, I was convinced I was pregnant only to find out that not only was I not pregnant but I had luteal phase defect. I wrote to my friend that I just can't see it happening anymore. I then started mapping out all these contingencies, like if I am not pregnant in October, then I can't do Clomid and IUI in November because we would be in Italy and my husband wouldn't have had a semen analysis which the doctor requires before fertility treatments. I wouldn't have been able to get the prescription in time and couldn't be monitored. So for me, the pregnancy took me by surprise, because to a large degree, I had given up hope.
Speaking of giving up hope, during my infertility journey, I met via email a friend of my cousin. Both my cousin and I each had two miscarriages. She had two good friends also having issues. One of them had been trying longer than both of us. She was actually the one that turned me on to Atkins, because her fertility doctor made her go on this extremely strict diet to help regulate hormones. Well in the time since we were all in the same boat, my cousin got pregnant and now has a 4 months old and I am 8 months pregnant. I think that is a tough pill to swallow - knowing people that weren't even trying when you started TTC and now have kids or are about to. Well great news, the IVF finally worked, and she is 8 weeks pregnant with twins! She had said this was her last shot because it was just talking a horrible toll on her.
As I mentioned before, it seems there is a new wave of friends trying now and I am really excited for them. Some had tried before and issues were found that have since been corrected (like thyroid irregularities), others have tried casually but are now getting more serious with the beloved Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, and some are just throwing their hat in the fertility ring.
The one thing I wish for them, which I wasn't able to maintain, is a breezy attitude and to know it doesn't matter in the scheme of things if it happens the first month or six months later. I know if someone had told me it was going to take me sixteen months, but I knew at sixteen months, it would work, I would have been a lot more fun to live with. There's a job for me- a pregnancy oracle.
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