Preseed: What you Need to Know

If you spend your days learning from other TTCers how to best up your chances for conception, you have probably come across a product called Pre-Seed . Pre-Seed is a lubricant that mimics your natural cervical fluids. Unlike most lubricants, it is sperm friendly (some lubes actually kill sperm or decrease their motility even though they aren't labeled as spermicides). Pre-Seed makes the sperm's journey to the egg and easier ride. It was actually formulated to aid in conception.

People swear by it. My friend used it and got pregnant the first time. Personally, I have never tried it. It is particularly helpful for people on clomid. Clomid changes the chemistry of your CM, making it thicker and harder for the sperm to travel.

Customer comments on Amazon are very favorable but some people caution it isn't a magic baby pill. People like that it is easy to use (comes with applicator) and doesn't feel sticky. There are a good number of people that say they got pregnant their first shot using Pre-Seed . One person wrote she had been trying to conceive for 5 years, even tried clomid in vain. She used Pre-Seed and fell pregnant. Another person wrote on drugstore.com that she tried for a year, and then used Pre-Seed and got pregnant. The majority of posters said they got pregnant with Pre-Seed.

In terms of price, I have seen it cost as much as $19.99 however, I found this link for just $16.50. This comes with 6 applicators. So it seems like a month's supply.

Based on the testimonials I have read, if you have been frustrated and are contemplating more invasive steps (clomid, IUI) then this might be an easy, cheap thing to try first. Also, if you tend to not have a good amount of fertile CM, this might be exactly what you need. Based on the testimonials, I am more inclined to use it than before.

Let me know if you have used it and did or didn't have success.

The Grass is Almost Always Greener

I am a pretty optimistic person. I always try to see the good in people and with my whole heart, I believe in happy endings. I always think in a movie the estranged couple will get back together, the sick will be cured, and believe that the out-of-work dad will become a millionaire.

Since my latest round of bad fertility news last week (progesterone levels crashed in luteal phase), I have been in an overly-indulgent, self-pitying, whoa-is-me funk. For the first time, I started questioning if it would ever happen for me. After going through so many obstacles, I felt like I had a clean bill of health and would get pregnant first chance I got. Since clearly this isn't the case, I allowed myself to get negative and let me tell you I was in the weeds.

And then last week, bad things started happening around me. My friend's dad died. My other friend's sister died along with the baby she was carrying who would have been born next month leaving behind two kids. My friend who lost her father has two kids. I realized I would much rather be in the situation I am in than the one she is facing.

Last Friday, I was speaking to my friend and she said that there have been many times where she questioned why is she single when everyone else is married. She thought I am a good person, I do charitable work, and I deserve it. She said she would cry herself to sleep many a night. And then she met her husband and they are perfect for each other.

I, too, have articulated the same thoughts to my husband. I am a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend, I volunteer, I am kind to strangers, so why me? Why can't I have a baby but crack heads and people who are conniving or mean-spirited are blessed with children?

I am just as guilty as anyone to think someone has it made because they have a kid. Just as my insightful friend thought all of her married friends had it made. But there is almost always more to the story. My dad, in an effort to cheer me up said, "Dana, kids are great, but they aren't the end all be all. They require work and patience. It isn't all rosy." I like to think he was talking about my sister (sort of kidding).

But he had a point. It is near to impossible to have a real phone conversation with my friends with kids. They are constantly putting me on hold to scold one of them, to comfort a crying child, or in an alarmingly quick voice say, "I have to call you back", because someone just got hurt. We don't have to worry about getting or paying for a sitter on a weekend, staying out late, or sleeping in. There are benefits to not having kids. Our approach should be to relish this time, because kids will soon be in tow.

This certainly wasn't the path I thought I would be on to motherhood, but it will make me a better, more appreciative mother. It has revealed to me the strength of my relationship with my husband, though I admittedly have driven him nuts. He always tells me we aren't trying to meet a deadline. He is right. I can't stop life to create one.

TTC and The Toll it Takes on Marriage

While I am probably skewing the results of my latest poll by publishing this, I am struck by the resounding consensus of us TTCers. This week I asked "how on board is your husband or signficant other about TTC? "

As of the day I published this, every single respondent, myself included said, "All for it, but he thinks I am a bit crazy about TTC".

I started thinking why is this? And I realized for the first time that woman are fertile about a day or two a month. Men are fertile every single day. Right off the bat this disparity puts a lot of pressure on the woman. It is easy to jump to conclusions that there is something wrong with you if you aren't pregnant within a couple months. Since fertility is so fleeting each month for women, some of us become militant about having well-timed intercourse. I have seen much advice dispensed about just initiating and not telling him you are in your fertility window.

This doesn't fly for many and definitely not in my relationship. There is about 0 to 2% chance I could actually keep from my husband that I was peaking. And with my luck, if I were playing it all coy, he would be too tired from work and refuse my advances. Then I would have a melt down and we would end up having awkward, perfunctory, baby-making sex. So for me, honesty is the best policy. While we don't want to make our men feel like baby factories, there is a bit of planning required to get the job done right.

I have had friends text me at 1 in the morning filled with ire because their husbands wouldn't man up during their peak and this resentment spills over into their everyday lives.

Another area that causes tension is when getting pregnant is taking longer than you expected. It is easy to blame yourself and I think a lot of woman fear their husbands will blame them. Also, some men are very resistant to getting a sperm analysis or even IUI or IVF because they want to physically deliver the sperm.

Finally, the next area of baby-making tension is financial. The idea of starting a family can be daunting for a man. In addition to another mouth to feed, big decisions need to be made, such as should one of you stay home with the child, day care or nanny, public school or private school, bigger car, college... I could go on and on. This pressure tends to way heavily on the minds of our husbands.

Here are some tips to keep things harmonious while trying to conceive:

1. Manage expectations: Have a discussion that TTC can be a long process. Both agree that you will give it a set amount of time before you start getting tested (i.e. 6 months, 1 year, etc) and getting crazy with the whole process.
2. Set a game plan: Determine if it came to it, what would you both be comfortable doing. Discuss Clomid, IUI, IVF, Surrogacy, and Adoption. If you both know you are want a biological child more than anything, than you can feel more secure you have science in your corner. If on the other hand, you know both of you prefer to have a child naturally, but if it can't happen, you are both happy to adopt, that can take a lot of pressure off. Are you comfortable with twins? Triplets?
3. Don't forget your marriage comes first: When you got married you weren't handed a certificate entitling you to a baby. You married your man because you loved him and enjoyed his company. Don't look at your husband as a means to an end.
4. Give him a science lesson: explain to your husband that there is a fertile period and a short window of time each month. Unless you normally have sex every other day, just leaving things up to "what happens happens" isn't going to make the zealous TTCer comfortable. Get commitment upfront that your DH is willing, tired or not, to have sex during your peak times.
5. Spare the details: guys don't want to know you have your period, your egg has been released, and you are having cramps. Keep some boundaries.
6. Make a budget: look into how much day care/nannies cost in your area. Scope out some furniture you like on the web and talk to friends to see how much preparing for a baby cost. Look at your salaries and see what you can afford (staying home, day care, nanny). If you can show by the numbers that you can afford to have the baby, it might put his mind at ease.
7. Laugh with each other: Learn to laugh at how crazy you get about TTC. If you can both laugh at it, it will ease the tension.
8. Accept that it is different for you: Even though you both want a child, odds are you want it more than he does. You are willing to do whatever it takes, and he has no problem skipping a month. He isn't going to be mopey for 3 days after you get your period. It is just different. Don't judge him for not caring enough, it is a battle he can't win.
9. Enjoy being just a couple: Go on that fabulous vacation you haven't had the chance to take or something more local like dancing or cooking classes together. Go to concerts or fancy dinners, because pretty soon you will be paying a babysitter for a night out on the town and you will fill guilty dropping the kids at your mom's for two weeks so that you can tour Europe.
10. Tell him what you need: Guys don't necessarily know how to make it better. If they say, "it'll happen one day" we think they don't care enough and if they say "I can't believe it didn't happen this month" we think they are insensitive and doesn't he know that is only going to make me feel worse. Tell him what will comfort you, "There is no rush, it will happen, we will have our baby". My husband asks me, "does it really matter if we are 50 or 51 when our child goes to college?" That is a good perspective because right now it seems so dire, but when you project the situation 20 years in the future, it doesn't seem like such a big deal.
11. Tell your husband what kind of dad he will be: Help him share you vision by telling him what a great dad you think he will be. I picture my husband being a great little league coach. We often fight over which subjects we can help our kids with in school. Though we are both academic nerds, Greg was admittedly a slightly, and I mean slightly better student. As such, he feels he is better equipped to handle history, math, and English. I was relegated art and music. Neither of us want science - our shared least favorite subject.

Now I just need to practice what I preach.

What tips do you have for calming the craziness and keeping the peace while trying to conceive?

Implantation Signs: Dips and Spotting

Although roughly only a 1/3 of all pregnancies start with implantation bleeding, it is one of those signs that TTCers love to over-analyze.

Bleeding before you period could be taken as a bad sign (short LP, low progesterone, hormone imbalance) and a dip in temperatures could signify that progesterone is losing its battle with estrogen and your period is on its way.

Perhaps reading into luteal phase spotting or temperature declines helps ease are minds during the TWW.

There is however, scientific evidence that some people do experience implantation signs. Implantation is defined as the fertilized egg attaching to the uterine wall.

Here is the what, why, and when.

Implantation Dip:

• What: A drop in temperatures during your luteal phase
• Why: Progesterone is the predominate hormone in the first part of your luteal phase. It causes your body temperature to go up. During the course of the luteal phase, estrogen kicks back in, causing temps to decline, but if implantation occured, the corpus luteum is rescued, and progesterone is back in charge. This brief balance of power causes the temperature dip. It is typically defined as at least a 0.3 drop in temperature for just one day.
• When: Typically 7-10dpo (this is an average so could be earlier or later).
• What else you need to know: Just because you have a temperature drop during this time frame, does not mean you are pregnant. Charts that have temp dips are more prevalent on charts resulting in pregnancy versus just ovulatory charts. On the flip, just because you do not have a dip, does not mean that you won't be pregnant. According to a study by fertilityfriend.com, the most common days for a temp dip are 7-8dpo and 23% of pregnancy charts had an implantation dip.

Implantation Spotting (AKA implantation bleeding):

• What: Light spotting for a brief period of time during the luteal phase
• Why: A result of the fertilized egg burrowing into the uterine wall
• When: Typically 8 to 12 dpo
• What I need to know: Like luteal phase temperature dips, spotting in the luteal phase does not mean you are pregnant, it is just a pattern more common on pregnancy charts than ovulatory charts. If you don't have implantation, you still have a great shot of being pregnant. Implantation spotting occurs in about 1/3 of pregnancies. Typically it is pinkish or brown in color, although it could look like blood. It is lighter than menstrual bleeding. It generally lasts for one to two days. Often it is mistaken for a period because it occurs close to the time your cycle should start.

I haven't found research about what comes first, implantation spotting or implantation dip. I looked at myriad charts in fertilityfriend.com's chart gallery and what I discovered was often they occured the same day. Implantation dips were more likely to precede implantation bleeding.

Once the fertilized egg implants, it starts creating HCG, the pregnancy hormone that pregnancy tests check for. I have tried in vain to find a definitive answer as to how soon you would get a positive pregnancy test. From what I found, it runs the gamut from 2 days to 1 week. The majority of sites say wait at least 4 to 5 days. The agony of waiting!

I would love to hear if you had implantation spotting, dips, and how long you needed to wait to get a BFP!

Natural Gender Selection: Choosing the Sex of Your Baby

I have heard old wives tales about choosing your baby's gender and the TTC chatrooms are all a buzz with phrases like "The Shettles Method".

Personally, I am of the mindset of just wanting a healthy baby. I really don't care if I will be picking out my child's wedding dress one day with her or see him pitching for the Cubs (my husband already informed me if we have a left-handed boy, we are paying for private pitching lessons).

I know some people really care. I have a friend now that is really upset she is having a boy. Obviously she is thrilled to be pregnant but just wanted to buy frilly clothes. A lot of my friends say they wouldn't know what to do with a boy. Another good friend of mine was over the moon about having a girl but her husband is sorely disappointed.

Lucky for me, neither of us care whether we have a boy or a girl. I see all over the net people ending their signatures with "hoping for blue" or "thinking pink". If they would broadcast such stake-in-the-ground statements, then they are likely trying to do gender selection at home.

Here is what I found out.
- The Shettles Method
- This is built on the premise that female sperm is slower than male sperm, but
hardier. It can survive more days without fertilization. Male sperm is quick
and is racing to get to the egg. However, it is built of weaker stock and
can't live as long without being fertilized.
- Based on these purported facts, have sex several days(2-4)before ovulation for a
girl, since the male sperm will die off and all that is left will be female
sperm. Have sex on ovulation day (preferably within 12 hours of ovulation)so
the male sperm beat out the female sperm in this fertility footrace.
- Doctor Shettles, who created the method of gender selection, claims he has a 75%- 90% success rate (seemed like a large range to me)

Aside from not finding any scientific proof to back this up, I would find you need to be pretty patient to use this method if your heart is set on having a girl. You would have far fewer opportunities to have sex and conceive a child. I saw a study on in-gender.com and it ranked the Shettles Method a C- for accuracy having a girl and D for having a boy. It did say that you are likely to take advantage of your fertility when practicing Shettles for a boy (since sex is well timed with ovulation).

HCG Levels in Early Pregnancy

During the two week wait, we are often tempted to test early, but there is always the fear of being completely disheartened by a false negative pregnancy test.

I came across this info on http://www.fertilityplus.org/ that lists out the average HCG level by days past ovulation during the TWW.

I have to question this data though, because that would mean the majority of pregnancy tests would detect pregnancy at 10dpo. Most home pregnancy tests detect HCG levels of 25. This does make me think more about testing early. What do you think?

How Many DPO can you Experience Pregnancy Symptoms and Indicators?

There are few things as exhilarating as interpreting little nuances in your body as signs of pregnancy. The question remains, is there any merit to these signs so early in a pregnancy?

Researches suggest most people don't experience signs of pregnancy until the 5th or 6th week. Most active TTCers start over-analyzing everything at what would be 3 or 4 weeks, if they were in fact pregnant.

According to fertilityfriend.com, implantation, or when the fertilized egg burrows into the uterine wall, typically happens 7 to 10dpo. This is an average so it could be earlier or later. The website contends some people might have implantation signs such as:

• light spotting around 7-10 dpo (implantation bleeding)



• a second thermal shift (i.e. triphasic chart for those tracking temps) that occurs between 7 and 10dpo. Note of caution, I once had a clear triphasic chart and was not pregnant.



• Implantation dip or a single temp drop for one day between 7 and 10dpo

I than found the pregnancy-symptom obsesser's dream on countdowntopregnancy.com. They have charts were you can look up a symptom, like cramps, and see when pregnant people (their members) experienced these symptoms. From their sample of users, the most common early pregnancy symptoms as follows:

• Fatigue/Exhaustion: I have experienced this, but during the fifth week. I had to come home from work and sleep for 30 minutes before cooking dinner.



• Mild/Dull Cramps/Pressure: some experience cramping as early as implantation (6-12 dpo). This includes twinges and pinching/pulling. I have experienced these twinges and the nurse said it was the uterus expanding.



• Constipation or feeling bloated

As much as I want to believe in these signs, I have not been accurate in predicting my own pregnancy chances. Take last November. It was our first cycle trying after the miscarriage the previous August. I was about 10dpo when we flew home for Thanksgiving. On the plane my breasts hurt so badly, I was actually holding them. I took this as a great sign because the first thing I noticed in my previous pregnancy (during the 5th week was breast pain and heaviness). Then on 11dpo my chart started a triphasic pattern. I was also absolutely exhausted and was taking naps everyday. I ended up having a 19 luteal phase (should be 14) and I wasn't pregnant. I was shocked. Now if you take my last pregnancy, I didn't record one pregnancy symptom but ended up with a BFP.

One of the main reasons for confusion is that the hormone, progesterone, is present both before you ovulate and in pregnancy. Both pregnancy and menstruation can cause breast pain, cramps and fatigue.

What has been your experience accurately or inaccurately predicting pregnancy based on early symptoms?