The Difference A Year Makes

A year ago tomorrow my life was quite different than it is today.  After having two miscarriages and about 3 months of testing, I was scheduled to have my mutant fibroid removed, in the hopes of ever having a child. 

On July 20th of last year, I was wheeled into the operating room for a myomectomy. I remember coming to in the recovery room, dazed and in pain.  I was just hoping beyond hope that the surgery would do the trick and I could one day have a child.  I tried to approach the surgery and recovery as steps to getting my baby.  I had been initially told we would have to wait until January 2010 to start trying again.

As my hospital stay drew to a close, the doctor told me I only had to wait six weeks to try.  It was so unexpected.  We had even planned a trip to Italy in October to help keep my mind off of not being able to try and enjoying what would hopefully be our last big trip before the baby.  We found out the day before we left for Italy that I was pregnant.

If you had told me on the day of the myomectomy that one year from then I woud have a three week old baby, I wouldn't have believed it. 

I definitely think my experiences of trying to get pregnant have colored my experience as a mother.  I truly feel so appreciative, even during those middle of the night feedings.  It goes so quickly and I know I will miss this time when he just wants to be held.  I will miss how he looks up at me when his pacifer falls out and he wants me to fetch it for him.  I am just amazed by him.

When you are in the thick of fertility issues, it is really easy to believe it isn't going to happen for you.  I definitely felt like that a lot and not even in a self pitying sort of way.  It is more of like coming to terms with the fact that you can only control so much.  Think about my story when you feel like this, because in a year, you could be sitting with your newborn baby.