Fertility Frenzy: Tales of trying to get pregnant

Unknown-itis

2011-08-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

Several months back I was talking my baby for a walk and we passed the neighborhood school. It occurred to me then, I really have no idea where we will be living when Evan is ready for kindergarten. In all honestly, I don't know where we will live when he is ready for preschool. And the latter presents problems because I need to start trying to get on waiting lists.

We live in the city and while there is more than enough room for 2 adults and one toddler, things will be too close for comfort with another baby. On one hand, I am in no rush to leave the city. Even though we don't have a yard, we are a very short work to the largest park in the city and can even walk to the city zoo. We know we wouldn't sell this place to get another place in the city. A move means a move to the suburbs, which means a significantly longer commute for my husband who now takes a bus and need be, it is about a 15 minute car ride.

I feel there are a lot of factors when determining when to have a second child.
1) finances- luckily we have much of the gear from the first child, but would need another bed and likely a bassinet, which we didn't use the first time around. Evan costs us about $200 a week in food, diapers, classes, and supplies, so I can assume through toddlerhood we would double this. Plus they pick up more activities and expenses with age.

2) Spacing of kids- ideally I would like three years apart between kids, but after the struggle to have the first kid, I can't assume it will just happen. It could take a long time- so do I start early or start when I would want and prepare myself the age gap could be much greater?

3) Housing- this is a big one. We have a three bedroom place but the third bedroom is on a different floor. We use that room as a guest room/office/ and my workout room that I use daily. I would be sad to give it up. I never had the baby stay in our room because my husband was working. As soon as he cried, I turned off the monitor, closed my bedroom door, closed his door, and took care of him so my husband could sleep. I don't want a baby that doesn't sleep through the night sharing a room with Evan and keeping him up. So either the new baby could sleep in our room, or I will be post c-section sleeping on a pull out couch in my former workout room. It just isn't ideal. But it isn't ideal to move while pregnant, with a newborn, or two toddlers either.

I suppose there are no right answers. Change is difficult, but I don't want to jump the gun and sell our city home until I know we need to move.

Here's What they Don't Tell You

2011-07-25T15:38:00.000-05:00

If you are having problems getting pregnant, people want to lift you up by telling you all the good things that life without kids means. Sleeping for starters, freedom to come and go as you please, seeing a first run movie in the theater- you get the picture.

Here is the big one you probably have not been told- with children comes disparaging comments about your parenting from your in-laws. If things were strained before, just wait until baby comes along. I get along well with my in-laws, but sometimes I cannot believe the things that are said.

Let's take today. My mother-in-law comes over to see Evan. I am slightly freaking out about his lack of language acquisition (another post to come on this) so I have been making a conscientious effort to label things and repeat words. He thinks animal noises are funny. Please forgive this digression, but why are there so many baby products geared around farm animals? Maybe this is ethnocentric because I have lived in a city or suburb my whole life, but it seems like overkill. Evan alone has a tracker toy that totes along a wagon of animals, a little people farm, and a page in his 100 first baby words book dedicated to farm animals. They sell baby flash cards of just farm animals. I guess they are cuter the Little People meter maids and streets and sanitation workers.

As I was complaining- Evan picked up his animal book and I started doing my new word game with him. In my view, there is only so many times you can ask, "what does the cow say?" and get no response. So now I ask, "what does the cow say when he is happy" and I say moo all excitedly and tickle him, and then I ask "what does the cow say when he is surprise?" and I bark moo and lift him unexpectedly. I run through a rainbow of emotions and the move on to another animal who is also feeling overly emotional. He thinks this is hilarious. So she asked why was I doing this. I responded, "to help him build vocabulary and to learn to label his feelings?" And she says, "you need help." with her mouth cocked up and this judging look in her eye that my sister-in-law and I have seen all too often.

It is not like I can snap, "I would like to see you do better" since the product of her parenting is my husband. I guess these judgments come with the territory, but I could definitely do without the snarky remarks.

Can I be Breezy?

2011-07-14T17:12:00.000-05:00

My good friend from grad school introduced me to the term "breezy". As in, "Do you think he is going to call you." To which she would respond, "I am not going to worry about it, I am trying to be breezy," as she slyly glances down to see if her phone forgot to ring and she had a missed call from the man being discussed. Well for her, a man, a good one at that, did call back and she was married last year after being "breezy" about getting engaged. And now, with that same breezy attitude, she is taking a stab at getting pregnant.

We met for lunch this week and I asked when she was testing and she said she wasn't sure, in a couple weeks, she wasn't tracking her cycle. Of course, on account of her being breezy. This is so antithetical to everything I stand for, I rudely retorted, "You are not 16 in the back of a '67 Chevy, you need to do some planning here!" We are super close, so I can say this sort of thing to her.

And so the reality dons on me, that I don't think I can breezily try for baby number two. I kind of thought I could take things as they come. However, I was speaking to a friend who went through several rounds of IVF to have her daughter. Since it was such a struggle, they "aren't preventing". Yet every month, she starts to feel nervous during the TWW and gets disappointed when she isn't pregnant, even though she isn't fully trying yet.

Part of me thinks, no matter what happens in TTC a second child, I am a mom and love being one, and we could be happy as a family of three. Then reality seeps in and makes me realize I might be internally a fertility freak again, living by the reading on my monitor and waking everyday at same early morning minute to get an accurate temp reading.

I think it is fair to say I don't wear breezy well.

Those Girls

2011-07-12T08:19:00.001-05:00

If you are anything like me, (and hopefully you are not), I secretly judged how other pregnant people acted when I wanted to be pregnant. Like the ones that complained how hard, tiring, uncomfortable, inconvenient (feel free to fill in the blank) it was to be pregnant. And those that made their husband's carry their purses because they were just too dainty to do so.

I vowed I would not be one of those girls. And as a matter of integrity, I wasn't. I was so determined to be grateful and to let the world know it. As my husband could tell you, one of my favorite phrases is, "you should be so lucky", usually used humorously as to why he should feel so fortunate that I love him so much. This great turn of phrase can easily be applied to the moms-to-be, whom I liberally judged. You should be so lucky that your back aches and your rings are too tight. You should be so lucky you get winded going up a flight a stairs and can't bend to tie your laces. I did, however, suspend harsh judgement for those that were legitimately in a bad way such as excessively nauseous requiring hospital visits and severe sciattic nerve pain. Bedrest also garnered my sympathies. Otherwise, if you waddled and wailed about it, you were on my list.

When I was pregnant with Evan, I vowed to complain as little as possible. The god's honest truth, the most uncomfortable part of being pregnant for me (outside of taking progesterone and having an anal strep exam in my third trimester) is the consistent need to use public bathrooms, which repulses me. But there were months that I didn't sleep and heartburn was my number one trusted companion. I just didn't want to be like, those girls.

In my own mind, I felt like I was better because I knew what a gift it was to feel those symptoms, because I knew what it was like when the symptoms suddenly went away. However, I had an eye-opening experience the other day. I was talking to someone that had lost a baby, was told she may never be able to carry a child, and then went on to have a child after four rounds of IUI. She said, she was the opposite, she was so excited to finally be one of those girls that could complain about her back, her lack of a waistline, and the kicking that kept her up all night.

So while I have now walked a mile in those swollen feet, and know what it is like from an insider's and outsider's perspective, I realize now I was too judgmental. And maybe if you find yourself rolling your eyes at your rotund, complaining friends, just know you too will soon be wanting to complain about the trouble with being pregnant. So be careful what you judge, because you will really want to complain when your time comes.

Gone but Not Forgetten

2011-07-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

I have been a bad blogger. I felt like once I had a baby, readers stopped commenting or sending me notes, because I was no longer one of them. I thought to a degree, that there is a kinship among those of us who have worn our brand of scarlet letter, that you root for each other because it is a success story and something that helps us hold on to hope.

Recently, I have received a flurry of e-mails from readers who have found the blog after researching things like luteal phase defect, progesterone, the Clearblue Easy monitor. It got me thinking, maybe there still is a place for me in this space, because I completely identify with the person I was when I started the blog.

My title of the post is Gone but not Forgotten, because I will never forget what I went through in order to have a child and that influences each day of my life. It is still very much apart of me.

A couple of week's ago, I went to the Ob/gyn for my annual exam. A woman came out from an exam room, sat on a couch across from me and was quietly crying. I also saw about 4 very pregnant women waddling about, oblivious to what this girl was going through. But I had been that teary-eyed girl in the waiting room. She said during her exam they didn't hear a heart beat and she was waiting for an ultrasound. She was in her first trimester. The same thing happened with me when pregnant with my son, I told her, and he was fine. I got called back a couple seconds later and I couldn't calm down, because I was so upset about this woman, and wanted to know that her baby was okay.

This past weekend I was at a party and was speaking to someone I had met, and liked, over the years. She had twins a couple months after I had my son. Turns out we went to the same fertility doctor. We started talking about what we went through and how hard certain situations had been like friends announcing they accidentally got pregnant, siblings getting pregnant at the same time we had miscarriages, and the constant need to pee on a stick. There is an understanding we shared of what we have been experienced and an appreciation of what we have.

In some sadistic way, I miss charting temps and turning my monitor on each morning. I actually miss the nervousness of the TWW. With that said, I am jumping back into the blogging game because I know from emails, that there isn't as much information on the web as we would like. And I also know, that some people, like myself, take comfort in knowing that if someone had their silver lining than I will too.

Reunion Reflections

2010-10-23T21:59:00.001-05:00

This weekend was my ten year college reunion. It also coincided with a visit from my parents, so I decided not to partake in any sponsored events but to see a couple people coming in. It is really amazing to see how ten years changes a person. Take for instance one of my closest friends from college. He was my polar opposite, he was a raver, did drugs, spoke to his parents only on Sunday. If it was someones birthday, anniversary, or someone happened to be sick, you better hope it happened on Sunday or he wouldn't be a'callin'. I on the other hand thought pacifiers were only for babies, had rounded out my tenure as Students Against Driving Drunk President before my freshman year of college, and spoke to my parents daily. Today he is incredibly successful, went to Harvard Business School, is married to the sweetest girl, and just had his second baby. He came over to meet Evan and we hung out in his nursery and talked baby stuff for 2 hours. Never in a million years could I have foreseen this exchange 10 years ago.

At night, my parents and Greg stayed with Evan while I met some girls from my sorority at a bar. Of the 7 of us, only one other had kids (pregnant with number two and had bought herself some boobs since college, but I digress.). Another two were married. Of the marrieds, one had moved to the suburbs years ago and the other was leading this high powered life commuting between capital hill and her house a couple states away to be with her husband. And then there were the fabulously single, traveling to Africa for work, acting on national commercials. Then to hear what other friends were doing, was unbelievable.

When asked if I was going back to work since having a baby, I said, "no, not for at least a year, maybe longer. It took a lot of work to get him, so I want to stay home and enjoy him for a while." And it was left at that.

After dinner, the group was heading over to a bar but I wanted to go home and check on the baby. The married friend from the suburbs said, I got the impression you had trouble getting pregnant. I said, "seriously, if you ever need to know anything about this stuff, feel free to call me, I feel like I know all there is to know." She said, "I doubt as much as I know."

Apparently, they have been trying for four years. She lost 2 babies around 20 weeks. It is some genetic disease and any baby they have will have a 1 in 4 chance of having it. There is some test they could do on eggs, but they only offer it in Germany. We talked for a minute or two but the group wanted to go to the bar.

I am sure it will all work out for her, but emotionally, what a nightmare until that baby is born. What I can't get out of my head is how she is even able to attend this reunion. You know one in three people is going to have a baby and you know there are going to be people like my raver friend that you would never think would have kids by now and has two, or people who were hard-core partiers or totally bitchy people and they have kids. I just don't know after two horrible losses like that if I could stomach a reunion.

I think there is a kind of kinship among people who have had issues, so I feel really glad I made some comment about having had trouble. Versus the pregnant girl with the new boobs who order a ginger ale and said "read into this however you want". It just goes to show you that you never know what other people are going through. But it isn't just about pregnancy. One of the girl's mom was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer and given a grim prognosis. Prior to hearing this I had said how my parents flew in for the weekend to see Evan. She isn't married, doesn't have kids, and her mom might never see her have children. For me, the reunion was a lesson in general to be a more compassionate person, which is ironic, because I think more often then not, people use reunions to show off about how far they have come since way back when.

Baby Boom

2010-10-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

All of you trying to get pregnant should come hang out with me because it seems almost everyone I am friends with has fallen pregnant. I am half kidding, but I do have about 7 pregnant friends now and one that I suspect is pregnant. And no joke, for all but 2 of them, it happened the first time out of the gate.

Now at this point, Evan is 3.5 months and the true light of my life. I am completely fine with everything I have been through because if it hadn't happened, he wouldn't be here and it would be some other kid. But I still deeply feel the pain of a couple of my friends that have been trying for years. And it isn't fair that it can be so hard for some, especially people you know would make fantastic parents.

A couple weeks ago, we were hanging out with a group a friends and another one of the couples announced their pregnancy, adding the third pregnancy to our little group of couple friends. A little while after the announcement I was sitting and three of the guys were talking about how people act like it is so hard to get pregnant, but it was so easy. The other two agreed saying it happened their first time and the other confessed it happened for them without really trying.

Herein lies this issue with family planning. You have no idea if it is going to take 1 month or 2 years. Even now, I have identified an ideal three month window to conceive a second kid (yes, we all know I am a planner), but what a joke that is. There is no guarantee we would be able to have another baby and particularly, one conceived in my perfectly packaged three month window to optimize the children's age differences and my delivering maternal age. You would think I could be breezy trying for a second, but clearly, that isn't in my cards.

Where's the Team?

2010-09-06T18:13:00.000-05:00

I came across a great article in Self about infertility. The crux of the article is since people aren't vocal about their fertility issues they aren't getting much needed support with family, friends, other people battling the same issues, or insurance companies. There were a couple of points in the article that struck a chord with me.

1) If you have a disease, there are tons of organizations that offer support. There are organized walks and people proudly wear ribbons in support. Since infertility has been kept in the dark, many people don't feel like they can talk about it or where they could turn for help.

2) Who can help: The article tells of being in a fertility doctors waiting room. Nobody speaks or directly looks at someone else. But in the chemo room, people offer suggestions for mitigating side affects. Recently my friend mentioned that at the fertility doctor her sister saw, it was all anonymous. Another thing, the article mentions the group Resolve, that focuses on infertility support. Throughtout my entire process, from the day a nurse praticitoner handed me an infertility packet, through my surgery, to countless meetings with doctors and all the handouts available at the OB/GYN and RE's offices, I never saw literature or was told of Resolve or any other support group for that matter. My sister-in-law said she bet there would be a group at the women's hospital. There wasn't.

I checked out the Resolve website, http://resolve.org/, and you can look up resources in your state. It also has guides to insurance coverage for fertility treatments by state, overview of tests you can take to identify fertility issues, options for treatment/adoption, articles about how infertility affects your relationship, and how to get involved in advocacy issues.

3) The article accurately described many of the feelings I had trying to get pregnant. In addition to dreading certain social situations, they mentioned how it was hard to plan the rest of your life, like trips, buying a car, house, etc. Many times I thought about switching jobs, but thought I would rather stay at the same place if I am going to get pregnant soon. I didn't want to plan trips. We wanted a new car but I didn't know if we needed a bigger one. We bought a bigger condo on the assumption that we would have kids soon, but I didn't feel confident to get one in the suburbs, because I didn't want the suburban life without kids.

4) It made me think about something I never thought about previously. I feel like I am the eternal optimist when it comes to other people's fertility. If it is someone who I had fibroid, I say look at me. If it is someone going through IVF, I mention friends who have had successes. You want people to have hope and I really do believe that it will happen in time. But the article says, there isn't really support for people that it doesn't work out for. And that is why these issues need more attention.

Here is the article. Let me know what you think.
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=9

The Pressure is On

2010-08-24T11:34:00.000-05:00

When you date someone for a long time, people always ask you, "When are you going to get married?". And finally on your wedding day, you naively believe the pressure is finally off, until an overzealous aunt pulls you off the dance floor to ask, "So, when are you having kids?".

When you finally have a baby you think, the pressure is definitely off now, I have hit my milestones. But no. Pretty soon, you are not only asked by others, but find yourself asking, "when will you have baby number two?".

There are several factors I have begun to weigh in terms of not only when, but if there will be a baby number two.

In the let's get this going camp:
1) Factor 1: I love me some babies - For me, call it hormones, or joy of motherhood, but I get sad that Evan is growing up so quickly. I dread when he becomes so squirmy he doesn't want me to cuddle him and I am fairly convinced he will not let me kiss attack him when he is fifteen. I know all ages have great things about them, but I really am enjoying the baby stage.

2) Factor 2: Age- I am already 32 and the doctor said I can't even conceive until at least 8 months post baby, which means the absolute earliest I could have a kid would be when I am 34. But I don't really want two kids under 2. So I likely would be 35 when I have my second kid and I believe that automatically puts me in the high risk category.

3) Factor 3- Fibroids and Fertility- yes, the two F's that have pretty much ruled my life for the last couple of years are back. As of my c-section, I didn't have any new fibroids, but some can sprout up because doctors believe that if you have fibroids once you will have them again. Assuming I don't have fibroids, who knows how easy or hard it will be to get pregnant again. This makes me more inclined to start earlier than I ideally would have wanted. Plus, I will be several years older than my first time around.

And in the why do in eight months what you can do in three years or never camp:

1) Factor 1: Savings- Last week my husband and I met with a financial advisor to discuss saving for college. She estimated that when Evan and our second kid will be in college, tuition and room and board, will be between $80k-$120k a year. So if we wanted to pay for private school for our 2 kids and retire at 60, we would run out of money at 68. Awesome.

2) Factor 2: Housing- We live in a condo in the city and would need to move sooner if we had a second kid because two kids couldn't fit in Evan's room and the room downstairs is too far removed from the rest of the apartment to put an infant or a toddler. Plus, I don't want to move while pregnant or with a newborn because I know I will be the one doing all the work to pack and can't imagine going house hunting with a toddler and a newborn.

3) Factor 3: Career- I am staying home with Evan but plan to either go back to a marketing job or switch careers, but only take a couple years off. If I had a second baby, my re-entrance would be put on hold. Which I would be fine with, except for the fact that we apparently can't retire if we pay for college. I have given consideration to a complete change of careers since I can't work the type of hours I worked before and be the kind of mom I want to be. So this factor is a little more fluid.

4) Factor 4: All eggs in one basket- if we just had one kid, it would be more likely that we could pay for his college, we would have more time to spend with him and encourage him on all his endeavors and we would have more financial freedom in our old age.

I read an article a couple weeks ago in Time about only children and how society just assumes that you will have a second child. When the author told people she was only planning to have one, everyone, including the grocery check out woman told her, "you will change your mind." Why does this stranger think she knows better than the woman herself, that she will want more kids?

It seems there will always be a societal pressure telling you that you aren't on the fast track or the right track for that matter. Whether it is finding a boyfriend, getting engaged, having an appropriately long engagement, having your first child in an acceptable amount of time, having a second kid, buying a house, signing kids up for the right preschools, activities, SAT prep courses. It seems endless. These societal conventions can be a nice road map to life, but what if you don't want to married, have kids, have multiple kids or live in the suburbs? What if you don't care if you kid goes to a top college or college at all for that matter? Perhaps this is the new version of keeping up with the Joneses. It isn't about fancy cars, lavish trips, or big houses anymore. It is doing what is expected of you at the acceptable time. Maybe that is why it has been hard for some many to see people in their age cohort get married and have kids when those aren't possibilities for themselves at that time.

Practically speaking, it makes sense to have one child, but emotionally speaking, I know I will have intense baby fever in a year or two. We will see how I handle the internal and external pressure.

The Difference A Year Makes

2010-07-19T10:04:00.000-05:00

A year ago tomorrow my life was quite different than it is today. After having two miscarriages and about 3 months of testing, I was scheduled to have my mutant fibroid removed, in the hopes of ever having a child.

On July 20th of last year, I was wheeled into the operating room for a myomectomy. I remember coming to in the recovery room, dazed and in pain. I was just hoping beyond hope that the surgery would do the trick and I could one day have a child. I tried to approach the surgery and recovery as steps to getting my baby. I had been initially told we would have to wait until January 2010 to start trying again.

As my hospital stay drew to a close, the doctor told me I only had to wait six weeks to try. It was so unexpected. We had even planned a trip to Italy in October to help keep my mind off of not being able to try and enjoying what would hopefully be our last big trip before the baby. We found out the day before we left for Italy that I was pregnant.

If you had told me on the day of the myomectomy that one year from then I woud have a three week old baby, I wouldn't have believed it.

I definitely think my experiences of trying to get pregnant have colored my experience as a mother. I truly feel so appreciative, even during those middle of the night feedings. It goes so quickly and I know I will miss this time when he just wants to be held. I will miss how he looks up at me when his pacifer falls out and he wants me to fetch it for him. I am just amazed by him.

When you are in the thick of fertility issues, it is really easy to believe it isn't going to happen for you. I definitely felt like that a lot and not even in a self pitying sort of way. It is more of like coming to terms with the fact that you can only control so much. Think about my story when you feel like this, because in a year, you could be sitting with your newborn baby.

Two and a Half Weeks in the Trenches

2010-07-16T09:27:00.000-05:00

Now that I have been through labor and home with a new baby, here are some thoughts on products I absolutely love and others I haven't needed thus far.
1) Since I ended up needing a c-section, I didn't benefit from this advice but have been told by two friends Dermaplast is a lifesaver. I bought 2 bottles in prep for labor. Basically, after a normal delivery it really burns (because of stitches) to pee. So spray the Dermaplast, then squirt warm water with a water bottle, and then spray again with the Dermaplast. The product numbs you. I bought it at Target.

2) If you have a c-section and are in a lot of pain when coughing, sneezing, laughing, ask the nurse for an ab binder. It looks like an athlete's version of a girdle. It holds you in tight. I wasn't given one with my fibroid surgery when I could have used it. They gave me one on my last day in the hospital, it felt good, but for no good reason, I never wore it again. If you aren't given one, hold a pillow into your stomach when you have to cough/sneeze to help brace muscles.

3) Breastfeeding: Bring the Boppy pillow to the hospital. I did, but didn't use it. So I should say, bring it and use it. It is really hard to figure out how to position the baby that is flailing desperately to find your boob. Also, realize they are supposed to latch on with a wide latch. I didn't know this and got so bruised the first two days, I wanted to cry the following 5 days while feeding.

4) Bottles: I was doing both breastfeeding and bottles. Breastfeeding isn't going well so I think I am going to start transitioning to formula only. I have been using Dr. Brown's bottles. People say there are too many parts. It takes about 5 seconds to put it together, I don't see the big deal. I think they are good, they are supposed to reduce spit up. Evan doesn't spit up much, so I am going to assume the bottles do the job. Dr. Brown's also makes a microwave sanitizer. I sanitized everything pre-baby. The night nurse we had when I got home said just take a big bowl with hot soapy water to clean the bottles each day (I do about twice a day). Once a week, I put them all in the microwave sanitizer.

5) Swaddle Designs receiving blankets: I love these. They are very cute and nice material. They are much more expensive than Carter receiving blankets but the quality difference explains the price discrepancy. At the beginning we always swaddled him in these blankets. Now he kicks out of a swaddle but we use these still most of the day. They have a normal blanket material and muslin one. I use the muslin one in the stroller because it is 90 degrees out and I want him covered from sun and germs but want the material to be breathable. I have about 4 of each material, which seems like a lot, but spit up and pee happens, more than you'd like.

6) Multi-use pads: I got a pack of multi-use pads at Buy Buy Baby. It is a water proof sheet. I have on the changing table. This has saved us many, many times, especially having a boy. Also, I have two kinds, one are fabric on both sides and the other has fabric on one side and plastic on the other. I don't like the plastic sided one as much.

7) Bouncy Seat: I try to make his crib a night time experience, so when he naps in the day, it is in his bouncy seat. I have the Fisher Price Zen seat, but it might have been discontinued. I don't use the music or vibration modes, I am saving those for fussy emergencies. I also use this when he is being calm and I need to get things done, because I can strap him in.

8) 2 Strollers: We have a nice, expensive stroller (the Uppa Baby) which is fantastic because it handles so well and corners tightly. It also has good shocks which is great because the sidewalks here are really uneven. It has a bassinet for newborns. It also has a sun shade to protect his face and most of his body. I also have a snap n' go that my car seat snaps into. I keep it in the trunk and it is good if I drive somewhere and don't want to deal with taking the big stroller. It doesn't however maneuver nearly as well as the Uppa Baby.

9) Cloth diapers: I had bought a ton of cute ones from Swaddle Designs, but I find I just use tons and tons of the cheap generic ones that I got in a ten pack from Buy Buy Baby. I use about 3 a day.

10) Baby detergent: I started off using Dreft for everything but it is a waste of money. I bought a huge thing of the Costco free and clear detergent.

11) Formula: Speaking of Costco, the pediatrician told me to use the Kirkland (Costco brand) formula. It is made by Similiac and significantly cheaper. We have had no issues. He isn't too gassy, sleeps well, and has put on weight.

12) Video Monitor: We got the Summer Best View Handheld Video Monitor. Our sound didn't work but I called and they are sending a replacement. I am so glad I didn't get just a sound monitor. It really comes in handy because sometimes in the middle of the night I put him down and he is fine, but not asleep. And then I get back in bed and I hear a little fussing. If I didn't have the monitor I would get up and check him, which honestly is so hard when you are very tired. And this dance can go on and on. But I just watch the monitor to determine if I need to get up. Plus sometimes I see him flailing when he isn't crying. So I know to get a bottle ready before he blows.

13) Big Sponge: For the first week or two, you can't submerge the baby in a bath because of the belly button or circumcision. You have to give a sponge bath to a slippery baby. They sell at Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby this oversized sponge that you can lay the baby on. They have one that looks like a frog and one that is tan. I got the tan one because it was bigger. Just makes the process easier.

14) Books: I have a lot of books for a kid starting to read, with one or two words on a page. But I found when Evan is fussy, he likes to hear the sound of my voice, so I read to him. I have gone through all of our longer books and I am getting bored. I just went out and bought more today. I suppose I could read him US Weekly or my book club book too, but at least this way I am growing his library.

15) Bottle Drying Rack: Bottles don't dry in my dishwasher and also I don't want to wash bottles with soiled plates. So I hand wash everything and then put it on the dryer. I bought a Dr. Brown's one, but I don't know if it matters what you use.

16) Soothie Pacifiers: These are the only ones he seems to like and keep in his mouth. I have heard this from other friends too. We make a conscious effort not to give him the pacifier when putting him in his crib to sleep. I have heard from friends this kills you for 2 years because they cry every time it falls out and won't sleep well. I use it a lot when changing him and it is true, every time it falls out (happens several times a diaper change) he screams.

17) Footed PJs: I should have bought more of these. I have a ton of sleep sacks and sleep gowns. The sleep gowns make it easy to change him at night (I am awful at all the snaps on the footed outfits) but Evan is a squirmer and within two seconds his legs are out and I don't want him getting too cold.

18) Gauze: If your son is being circumcised the doctor will tell you to dress the penis with Vaseline and gauze. The Vaseline should be in the tube not the jar and the gauze should be 3x3 squares. I bought all the supplies pre-baby so had no idea how much to buy. First off, gauze is kind of pricey. It is between $7.50 and $9.00 a box of 25. I started off with 2 boxes of 25. Well it wasn't nearly enough because he goes through at least 10 diapers a day and you switch it with each diaper change. I think I ended up buying 5 boxes of 25 and 2 boxes of 10, so a total of 145. I did have to continue using it for 5 extra days because he had some extra bleeding. So assume you need 100. I also used 2.5 tubes of Vaseline.

19) Pampers Thick and Sensitive Wipes: I thought all wipes were created equal until we ran out and my delivery of the next batch wasn't in. I sent my husband to CVS to get some. I told him I wanted Pampers thick and sensitive, if they didn't have it, get Huggies thick and sensitive. He couldn't find these two words on either Pampers or Huggies, so he bought a CVS wipes. They were horrible. I would need 4 to clean up after a diaper, versus typically one, maybe two of the Pampers. Plus I had to work hard to clean him with the CVS.

Things I am yet to use:
1) A Swing: Luckily we borrowed this. I am sure he would like it but I am saving it as a last resort when he gets really fussy

2) A Pack n Play: Everyone told me I would have the baby sleep in my room. I didn't think I would since his room is next to mine, we have a video monitor, and he would keep my husband up who had to work. But I listened to my friends. Before the baby arrived, we set it up in our room. Now it is like a dumping ground for laundry I haven't had a chance to put away. From his first night home we put him in his crib. If I didn't have a video monitor, I would have had him in my room. Some people do it because you are getting up so much to feed the baby, especially if you are breast feeding. I found it was easier to sit on the recliner in his room with a Boppy then feed him in bed. Also, until I got the hang of it, he would fall off all the time and cry and no doubt that would have made for a very grumpy hubby.

It's All Good

2010-07-10T22:35:00.000-05:00

We got the results back from the tethered chord test and it doesn't look like Evan has a problem. It is such a huge relief. I basically stalked the pediatrician for the results. She said we would just monitor for other symptoms but at this point, she isn't concerned.

I was good about keeping myself off the internet during the scare, because let's be honest, I pretty much feel webmd is the closest I will get to having a doctor in the family. Now that this crisis is over, I have given myself permission to Google his latest ailment, which is his belly button is bleeding, even though he lost his umbilical chord almost a week ago. Here is where the Internet is good. Apparently this is very normal.

In other news, we went to dinner tonight with another couple and Evan and it was a roaring success. I am shocked as I have found parenthood to be all about timing. You have to make sure he is fed, freshly diapered, and calm before going. A tightrope act that begins an hour before your departure. And then there is the added element of luck that the feeding will be sleep inducing and not one of his wide awake sessions.

Baby is crying...

Marking his Territory

2010-07-06T10:15:00.000-05:00

We just came from the first pediatric visit. Evan marked the occasion by peeing all over the scale. Guess he learned at an early age, it is no fun being weighed. He also spit up over the examination table.

The good news, he gained back a lot of the weight he lost after birth. Also, the heart murmur that was detected in the hospital wasn't heard. The bad news is she thinks he might have something called tethered chord. His back isn't straight when it connects to sacrum. It could be nothing or it could be serious. We now have to go to get an ultrasound in two days. If that goes well, we are done. If it doesn't, we wait a couple months and do an MRI when he is old enough to be sedated. And if that shows he does have a tethered chord, he would need surgery.

I am keeping it together better than I did over the heart murmur and forcing myself to stay off webmd. It is just so awful to think something could be wrong with him. I have been a mess over his circumcision, I can't imagine him going through surgery.

The doctor did say the practice sends about 25 kids a month for the ultrasound and only 1 to 2 have the surgery every year. I am trying not to get ahead of myself.

Evan is Here!

2010-07-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

Looking back on the last two years of miscarriages, surgery, frustration, pain, I can safely say it is all worth it and would do it all again just to have my baby.

Evan was born last Monday morning. Of course he came into this world with flare for drama. I was scheduled to be induced on Monday at 12:30am. Sunday, I woke at 4 am with contractions about 26 minutes apart. This went on for 5 hours. I never went back to sleep.

At 7pm, they started up again. I wanted to go out for a big dinner because I likely wouldn't eat for a full 24 hours. At the restaurant, they were about 7 minutes apart. Not too painful. We got home and waited to go to the hospital for induction.

At 1am, we were taken to our delivery room. The previous Thursday, I had been 2cm. They immediately started me on pitocin. Very quickly the contractions got painful. They said I could have the epidural at any time but be mindful I would be stuck in bed for up to 18 hours.

My husband went to sleep, despite me panting loudly. They came in to break my water. I thought this hurt, it was like the most invasive internal exam of you life. And then the flood gates open. You continue to leak and leak. They said it would leak through delivery. They put a towel between my legs to make it more comfortable. Around 3:30 it got what I considered unbearable.  If I could cry during the killer contraction that put me over the edge, I would have.  When it ended, I yelled to Greg who was somewhat far away on the couch to wake up, page a nurse, and get my epidural.

Around 3:45am, I was prepped. At this point, my body was uncontrollably shaking, which they said is normal. The epidural was no big deal. He said it could take between 3 minutes and 45 to get it in the right place. Luckily, he got mine in relatively easy.  First they give you a shot to numb you. It barely hurt and I didn't care at that point. They it feels like this weird pressure but doesn't hurt.

Once it was done, they let Greg back in the room. I could still feel my legs in a good way. Each hour you turn from side to side because the bottom half gets more medicine. Since I had some feeling in my legs, it wasn't too hard to turn. I could feel contractions to the extent I knew they were happening and was slightly uncomfortable during big ones, but it was totally doable.

At this point  I had been up for 24 hours. I tried to sleep now since I had pain relief.  It didn't happen but I was resting. Around 6 they came and put oxygen on me and said the baby's heart was dipping with contractions and this should help. Apparently it did.   I had heard this was common, especially with induction.

At 7:30 the doctor came in. She said she had a c-section at 8 and would come by after. She said I was 5cm and 90% effaced. She said if there were any issues, another doctor from the practice would come in to see me.

At 8am, I had just dozed off and the nurse screams, "Dana, turn on your other side!". I do. And thirty seconds later she shouts, "go back to the other side." In the next couple of seconds, 8 people literally run in the room, including the back up doctor. I was so scared, there aren't even words. Greg wakes up to this stampede. They shouted to me, "get on you hands and knees now!"

Apparently the baby's heartbeat dropped to 56. It should be between 120 and 160.  I started pleading with the doctor to just take him out now, I don't care about a c-section, just get him out. She just rubbed my back and said, let's try this first. They had me in this modified child's pose for 30 minutes, while his heartbeat got up to an acceptable range. Pitocin was stopped.

At 9am, my original doctor came back and said she wants to give it another hour but he hasn't dropped enough, I am not dilating fast enough, and we are expecting a large baby which she didn't think would fit through me, but she wanted to give it a shot. At 9:45  I hadn't progress and he wasn't tolerating contractions very well.

She said I could wait longer but at this point my c-section would bump other people scheduled for one and didn't want to make it an even more critical process. I said get him out. Within five minutes, I had signed consent forms, my meds were adjusted for surgery, Greg was in hospital garb, and I was being wheeled to the operating room.

Once inside, I internally freaked. At this point my legs were completely numb and they make you move yourself onto this skinny board of a table. Then they adjust you by people holding sheets up in the air to roll you. I thought I was going to end up on the floor. I thought I was going to hyperventilate and asked for something for nerves. They said they could but the baby would get it so I said forget it. They put up a drape so I couldn't see my body and they brought Greg in. They have your arms outstretch on these tables, so we were able to hold hands through the surgery. I heard a couple scary things during the surgery, such as "I am having trouble getting him out" and even more alarming, "they are donating the cord blood as a benevolent act, I am not sacrificing their care for the blood, get back here". At that point I was freaking again.

Meanwhile you don't feel pain but you do feel pressure. When the pressure got intense and the baby wasn't out yet, I got nervous. A minute or two later a nurse said, "he is coming soon". About a minute after that, Evan Carter was born crying. I started crying too. I was so relieved and so happy. They put him on the warmer which I could kind of see to the left of me. But I was so tired and dizzy from sleep deprivation it was hard to stay focused. Greg got up to cut the cord. He took pictures so he could bring them back and show me. The baby cried the whole time and then they swaddled him up and gave him to Greg. He immediately stopped crying and looked at him with wide eyes.

They finished me up and at this point I could care less about what was being done to me. Once I was transferred to the bed to wheel me to recovery, I got to hold Evan. He is so adorable. Oh, and the kicker, he weighed 7 lb 14 oz, not the 9.5lb they were expecting. How crazy is that?

We stayed in recovery for 2 hours and then got transferred to my room. I stayed four days. He has been such a good mellow baby. And shockingly, we have been pretty mellow too.

For those who have had a myomectomy, the pain of that surgery is about 10x worse then a c-section. It is completely manageable and the pain absolutely pales in comparison to having a fibroid removed.

Here are some pics.

And here is one of the two of us.

And him in all his cuteness:

Bump Watch 2010, but Maybe will Go to 2011

2010-06-24T17:56:00.000-05:00

Seeing as my mom was in town, she was insistent on coming to the doctor with me. I don't like people going to the doctor with me. Not my mom, not my husband, but she doesn't care.

First they hook me up to the non-stress test. At first he wasn't very active but he finally woke up and I thought everything looked good. The doctor came in and she said there was one low heart rate and she wanted me to go to the hospital to be monitored after the appointment. I thought it was overkill. I told her, even though my blood pressure was 120/80 at the office, it had been higher at home the last couple of days but never more than 133/82, which is still in the safe range. She said even though I didn't have protein in my urine, this was more reason to send me to the hospital for a full pre-eclamptic work up.

She did my exam and I was still 2 cm, hadn't dropped, and hadn't dilated more. I did have my bloody show during the exam. I have read that labor is usually with 48 hours of the show but she said not necessarily. She then sent me to get an ultrasound to check my fluid. It came back at 16, so it dropped to a much more normal level. I met with her after and she said that basically she was looking for something to induce me today.

On the walk over to the hospital, I ran into my fertility doctor whom I love. We talked for a couple minutes and am thrilled she was staying in Chicago. She was a fellow and not sure if she would get the full time gig. She is so sweet, gave me a hug, and told me she had recently asked my OB about me. I thought maybe I am having this baby today because it would be full circle seeing her on the day I had him.

We get to the hospital and I get hooked up to the machine in triage. After 1.5 hours, everything came back normal, he was more active than I have ever felt him. And I had 5 contractions while I was there. The nurse said unfortunately they weren't regular and being past due, I should be having contractions. Again she said they wouldn't induce because it increases the likelihood of a c-section.

I asked the OB about the induction process. She wants me to start off with pitocin and once it gets going and I am uncomfortable, I can get the epidural. They will break my water, but they need him to drop before they can break the water because to avoid a prolapsed cord which is very serious. She said since I am going in at 12:30am, she thinks that I will have the baby late that afternoon or during the evening.

All in all no changes since last time, just a waste of a day, except I did get a really cute 3-D ultrasound pic.

And the bump watch continues...

At Peace

2010-06-22T21:25:00.000-05:00

I have made peace with the fact that I will likely see my 41st week mark come and go this Saturday. One of my biggest fears of labor was being in excruciating pain and being sent home from the hospital or told I can't come in yet. If I am induced, I won't have that issue. I will have all the blood work done ahead of time so when I want the epidural, I can get it. I won't have to be in the tiny, dingy triage room, there is a nice delivery room waiting for me.

Speaking of epidurals, this has been my birth plan since day one. I was speaking to a friend of mine whose wife had a baby in May. She went naturally because they were concerned the epidural would cause Autism, which I had never heard. He asked if I was going natural and I said, "Oh, no, I want the drugs." And he asked, "Well you aren't even going to try to see if you can do it on your own?"

I was a bit shocked because he isn't a Birkenstock footed, hemp necklace wearing type of guy. Not to say at all that people that go sans drugs are hippies, it just seemed so out of character for him. And let's not forget he is a guy. It isn't like his wife who powered through natural labor is saying this to me.

So I said, "All my friends say they are miserable and then they get an epidural and everything changes." So he pushes, "Don't you think you could be stronger than your friends?"

And I said, "No". Wouldn't that be a clear example of hubris if I thought I was stronger and braver than my friends? And everyone knows hubris is a fatal flaw.

So we won't see eye to eye on this one. I see on the social networking sites that there are tons and tons of people who go without drugs and really look down on people who get epidurals. I even watched the Ricki Lake documentary, "The Business of Being Born" about the process of home birthing naturally with a midwife and that didn't sway me a bit. My doctor said 98% of the babies they deliver use epidurals. She said even people who think they will go natural switch during labor. Personally, I don't want to have to be in pain if I don't have to, especially since you have your mental faculties about you. To each his own. I just can't wait to meet the blessed anesthesiologist.

It's Out of Hand...Literally

2010-06-21T15:07:00.001-05:00

Another fun adventure at the doctor's office. I want to start with a piece of advice- always try to get the first appointment of the day. Since I am in my 40th week, I couldn't book my appointment much ahead of time and ended up with an 11:00 ultrasound and an 11:45 doctor's appointment. I had to wait a lot longer than that because they got backed up.

I started off with the ultrasound. He looked good, moving well. My fluid is dropping (a good thing since I had a lot) and was at 19.5. She did the weight estimate and are you sitting for this? They think he weighs 9 lbs 1 oz. That's like a toddler. If I don't deliver until next week, he could be 9.5 pounds. He put on 1lb 7oz in the last 13 days.

I then when in to see the doctor. I asked her to sweep my membranes. She cautioned me that normally it doesn't work unless you are doing several days in a row, but she would try. Well she begins the exam and says because I haven't dropped at all, she can't reach far enough to do the sweep. She said I am still 2 cm for the 3rd week in a row and maybe if I am lucky 50% effaced but it is hard to tell because I am so high.

My blood pressure was a bit elevated but she wasn't concerned. It could have been because I just found out I am going to birth a cute little turkey. She said she isn't too concerned about the size now, we don't have to talk c-section yet. She doesn't think he will grow much in the next week until my induction.

Next steps, I go in Thursday for another NST (non-stress test) and a doctor exam. They will re-evaluate if they shoud move up my induction. Right now, I am scheduled to get to the hospital at 12:30am, early Monday morning of next week.

I really feel like it is never going to happen on its own. I think because the fluid is still pretty high, he is pretty comfortable and happy floating around in there.

She said I could go any time if my water breaks, adding being late and the weather were on my side. She added if they induced me now, when he clearly isn't ready, my chances of a c-section dramatically goes up.

Taking Matters into my Doctor's Hands

2010-06-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

I am officially past my due date. Yes, I am aware I am the same person that just wanted to make it to at least 28 weeks, then 32, and finally 37. But now I am the person who spent what seems like forever waiting for the magical day, June 19th to arrive. It is a strange feeling when your due date comes and goes and you realize it not only wasn't magical, it was pretty much meaningless.

I have to say I am not miserable. Most people say the last month is awful. I definitely am sleeping worse and feel huge but I am certainly doing just fine. I am feeling external pressures though. First, my parents. Without my consent they bought tickets to come up to Chicago for June 18th. I feel guilty that they are stuck up here for another couple weeks. I do have to say they have been great about it. Normally when they are here, I see them almost all waking hours and spend my life in the car shuttling them back and forth from activities. Since they got here, I have seen them for about 4 hours a day. They have taken more cabs than normal, and are great about saying go home to rest, we will be fine on our own.

The second external force is my husband. In my 39th week, a switch flipped and all of a sudden he got really nudgy about getting the baby out. He wants the baby here and yesterday. He wants me to spend my days running the stairs in our house and keeps trying to make me take even more walks in the oppressive heat. I am choosing to find it endearing.

And then there are the family members that put in requests. My mother-in-law was pushing for a specific day because she was scheduled to work with someone she hated on that day and wanted out of work. My sister-in-law was going out of town and told me I had to wait. My sister said she didn't want it to happen this past weekend because she wanted to be able to get some quality sleep on her days off.

Tomorrow I will be 2 days late. I am scheduled to be induced June 28 (a week from tomorrow). I am considering asking the doctor to sweep my membranes.

I hadn't heard prior to pregnancy. Essentially when you are close to your due date, the doctor, during an internal exam, sweeps her fingers across you cervix and detaches your membrane that supports the water bag from the uterine wall. From what I have read, 50% of people will go into labor within 48 hours.

The procedure is quick, typically under a minute, but reports range from uncomfortable to very painful. Susposedly, it works much better if you are already dilated. As of last Tuesday, I was dilated to 2 cms. Some people are not impacted. Some lose their mucus plug or have their bloody show (two things I have not experienced), which are signs that labor should happen soon. Many have cramps and contractions, although they don't always lead to labor.

I asked one of the doctor's in the practice two weeks ago if their group did it. She joked she does it as long as she isn't on call- meaning she doesn't want to be at the hospital that night delivering you. I think this bodes well for me, because the doctor I am seeing tomorrow is the one scheduled to induce me next week.

I do have apprehension about this. My plan after the doctor is to meet my parents for lunch. I fear having bad contractions or worse, my water breaking in public shortly thereafter. My mom did say, if I am feeling anything, we will all cab back to my place, they will pick up lunch, and stay with me until my husband can get home. I also am concerned that it will make me very crampy and have bad contractions that don't lead to labor.

Speaking of water breaking, I found out in the last 2 weeks my amniotic fluid level is high. Normal at this point is 12-14. Mine has been ranging from 21-25. So I pretty much have twice as much fluid as a normal person. I anticipate my water breaking will bring on quite the flood. I am cool with that, I just don't want my mattress to be ruined if it happens at night. I love my mattress. I attribute being so comfortable in pregnancy in part to my amazing mattress. I am taking proper precautions to ensure the safety of said mattress. At first I was sleeping on a towel, starting about 39.5 weeks. Then I asked the doctor for those puppy pad looking sheets they sometimes use at the ob/gyn's during procedures. They gave me a bag full. I decided it wouldn't be enough. So now, under my sheet, I have a waterproof crib liner and a towel. I am not messing around, I love my mattress. Greg suggested I just sleep in the bath tub. I think he was kidding.

I will keep you posted as to if I end up getting my membranes swept tomorrow, what it feels like, and if it works.

The Case of the Uneventful Pregnancy

2010-06-09T18:13:00.000-05:00

Givenmy rocky road to a sticky pregnancy, I freely admit, I felt fully entitled to an uneventful pregnancy. I have been very lucky and have gotten just that.

Sure there was nature's cruel joke of anterior placenta, which meant I didn't feel the baby nearly as much as a normal person, which puts a paranoid pregnant person like myself in a tizzy every once in a while. But the upside of this is his kicks and jabs really aren't that uncomfortable and I don't usually have trouble going back to bed after one of my many mid-night bathroom breaks because he can't settle down.

I barely had morning sickness, had good energy allowing me to work out through most of my third trimester, and am still pretty comfortable with only 1.5 weeks to go. At about 33 weeks, the baby situated himself in the most uncomfortable position rendering me miserable and after about a day of pleading with him and much time spent in downward dog, my sweet baby obliged and moved off this horrid spot. So I truly was the keeper of an uneventful pregnancy.

I guess the kid didn't want to set the precedent of being a momma's boy and decided to stir things up this week.

Monday night, we decided to go out to dinner and while out, he was kicking something fierce. I was so uncomfortable I actually left the table to get up and walk to try to calm him down. During my 3 pee breaks of the night, I noticed I didn't feel him at all, which was unusual. I normally feel him for a minute or two and then we both go back to sleep. Tuesday morning, I got up around 6:30 and realized I hadn't felt him. I did some of my tricks to stir him and nothing. Given the anterior placenta, I didn't freak. Around 9, while in the car on the way to the doctor, I resorted to my most annoying of tricks. Essentially I pat my stomach to make a clapping noise and follow up by poking at his feet. He hates this. And yet nothing.

Once in the doctor's room, the nurse asked about movement and I told her it had been a long time since I felt him. They immediately sent me for an NST (non-stress test). I had had this twice before, once after the car accident, and once just to get a baseline given the anterior placenta. They put these big bands around your belly with two receptors. One tracks his heartbeat and one tracks contractions. I was given a button to press when I felt movement.

As soon as I was hooked up, his heartbeat was detected and strong. So I felt relief. The nurse left for about 30 minutes and I hadn't felt him once. The nurse returned and gave me juice to get things going and I maybe felt him twice after that. This wasn't good.

Then the doctor came in. She said "I don't like what I am seeing. He isn't being reactive. His heartbeat is in a normal range so this test alone isn't telling me I need to get him out today, but if I don't see improvement in the next 15 minutes, I am going to send you for a biophysical work up and if those results aren't good, we are going to look at getting the baby out." She then did my internal exam (2 cm!!) and said maybe that would irritate him and get him going.

Well it didn't. She had the nurse come back and collect the print-out for the machine. About 20 minutes later they told me I was going to need the biophysical work up. You might be thinking I was freaking out. Shockingly I wasn't. Since his heartbeat was normal, I figured need be, we could get this baby out within the hour if we had too. And since I have had the fibroid surgery, I am not afraid of a c-section.

About another 20 minutes go by and they take me in for the biophysical work-up. This is just a detailed ultrasound. They measured amniotic fluid, growth, and specific baby movements. Everything was good and I got such cute 3-D pictures. He definitely plumped out. His cheeks are so cute you could eat them. After this test, I had to wait 45 minutes to meet with the doctor to discuss my results. She told me since the second test came back normal we didn't have to deliver me that day but they wanted me to come in the following morning for another NST.

I managed to stay really calm the rest of the day which is more than I can say for my husband and my mom, who currently isn't speaking to my dad because he had his cell phone off during the baby drama. It wasn't until about 9pm that I started worrying what if something happens between tonight and tomorrow morning. Luckily he knew he had to go back to be a docile son and gave me some good kicks before I fell asleep. This morning he was active too.

The test this morning went fine. He improved since yesterday so they said I just need to be really vigiliant about movement and they would see me at my appointment next week.

This was a pretty eye-opening experience for both me and my husband. I am completely prepared in terms of my hospital bag, his room, his things, addresses for birth annoucements, and so forth. But I have been a bit of a freak when it comes to the brutal reality that he actually has to come out and what that entails. My husband is quite the opposite. He isn't worried about the birth process (likely since it isn't his parts squeezing out a baby) but hasn't done anything to prepare like packing for the hospital and turning in his FMLA paperwork. When I was being tested and told things weren't going well, I just wanted him out that second. I didn't care if it meant another surgery or a 3 day labor, I just wanted him safe. Greg on the other hand started freaking out about random things, like the Hep B vaccine and the ointment they put on newborn eyes. He started worrying about something at work that is due Monday but now might have to get down that day.

And once his freak out passed, the oddest thing happened. He wanted this baby here and yesterday. He ran into our neighbor who swears she went into labor from having to go up and down stairs a lot during a move. She went like 5 weeks early, so probably something else was up or the fact that she was lifting heavy stuff and going up and down stairs. So now he keeps telling me to start climbing stairs and when I push back, he said, let's get him out.

Even though this scare turned out to be no big deal, I can no longer say I have had a completely uneventful pregnancy. Hopefully this means I will have an easy, short, 3-push labor.

Room with a View

2010-06-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

Here are the pictures of the nursery!

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

2010-06-02T16:27:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I was offended. At dinner last Saturday, a friend of my husband's asked if I complained a lot and was emotional over nothing being pregnant. My charming husband basically said yes. I got pissed. I rarely complain and I don't think I have had one emotional outburst related to pregnancy. He admitted I don't complain much but do say I am uncomfortable a lot. I shield him from about 90% of the weird things that have transpired over the last nine months. He admitted I could be a lot worse. I feel like he has no idea, but I let it go.

So not 24 hours after said conversation, I was sitting on my bed putting together an iTunes playlist for while I am laboring at the hospital, I find myself on the verge of tears. Greg comes in the room and makes small talk, but I feel like if I spoke my tear ducts would betray me. He asks, "why are you so quiet?" I said, "I don't know, I just feel emotional." He asked if it was the song. I laughed said no and then busted out crying. Both of us were taken aback, since this is really abnormal for me.

On one hand, I felt sad that I wouldn't be pregnant for very long. I will miss it. Check back with me in two weeks on this emotion, but for now, I love feeling the baby in my belly. And he is so easy. We go everywhere together. Also, being pregnant is all-consuming. Everything you do or don't do is baby related. What you eat, what you lift, places you go, invitations you decline. Then came the fear of child birth. I know he has to come out and I know centuries of women have done it before me. That's great for them, but I am apprehensive and don't know what to expect. Given the agony of my false labor a couple nights prior, I started doubting my threshold for pain. Next I started thinking about how long it has been since I found out I was pregnant. At conception, he was the size of a pen point and now he is about 7 pounds. I started thinking how long ago it was the first time I saw him on a ultrasound and the sheer relief I felt to see his little heart flutter, or how it felt like a million years ago, that I went price gun crazy registering at Buy Buy Baby with my mom in Florida.

My better half helped me reel in my craziness, although he is less than sympathetic about being nervous about childbirth. The rest of my meltdown, he handled like a champ. And he was smart enough not to have a boastful moment about his declaration the previous night about me being overly emotional.

This week, I continue to focus on nesting, cleaning things that have been sorely ignored. I also have been spending a lot of time sitting in his room reading or talking on the phone.

As far as progress, not making much. Still 1 cm, no change from the last two weeks. I technically have 2.5 weeks to go.

The Ad Wizards missed the Target

2010-05-26T11:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, while at the doctor's office, I was sitting in the waiting room when my eyes fell upon a magazine that caught my fancy. It is called Conceive. The magazine is completely geared at getting you pregnant.

I kind of laughed to myself, because how in the world have I not heard of this publication. I have spent a lot of time researching fertility issues and visiting sites about how to get pregnant and those that offer tools to help track fertility. I have had visits with fertility doctors and conversations with my OB and internist about getting pregnant.

I am the ideal target for Conceive magazine and I didn't even know it existed. The magazine comes out quarterly and offers tips for trying to get pregnant and strategies for couples to cope when it doesn't happen the way you planned.

I perused the issue in the waiting room. They had diet recommendations, yoga poses, and an article on something called the Fertility Ball, which was invented by Brenda Strong, the narrator on Desperate Housewives. Apparently she has a line of yoga fertility DVDs. The reviews on Amazon are favorable. I did a search for the Fertility Ball (looks like a small medicine ball) and one site said it isn't available to June. Here is a link to on of the videos if you want to learn more about her approach.

Personally, I think Conceive Magazine might be a good investment. It isn't expensive and had a lot of information. I also like how they include articles on coping as a couple with infertility. It can really take a toll on a marriage because it is such a stressor. Even for couples to know it is normal can be a big help.

What Goes Bump in the Day?

2010-05-17T19:27:00.001-05:00

I have had what one might call a cautious pregnancy. Though not consider high-risk by my doctor, you know the one with the medical degree, I have decided I am a delicate flower. My self-prescribed delicacy has manifested itself in many ways. None more obvious that footwear. I have pretty much warn two types of shoes since getting that little pink line- Uggs and flip flops. I ventured out in heels a couple weeks ago and skidded, only to be cushioned by a friend. Thus I was proud of my decision to throw fashion to the wind for the majority of my pregnancy. And I stopped working (which explains how I got away with the most casual of foot attire). I got laid off during this time and decided it wouldn't be fair to start some place and only have a couple months to work before going on leave, so we decided to put it off until after the baby arrived and I had a couple months at home with him. You should have seen me walking outside during the winter, I assumed any and all surfaces were ice sheets, waiting to wipe me out. And finally, I have given up heavy lifting, save my dumb bells (16 pounds total) and my adorable niece (maybe pushing 20 pounds).

So now Spring has sprung and I pretty much decided I was in the clear. Last week my parents were in town. My dad left on a Monday and my mom was staying an extra day because we thought, though wrong, that the nursery furniture would be delivered and we could set up the room. At this point I am slightly convinced the baby is going to be sleeping in a drawer.

Since we didn't have a room to decorate and I have purchased all my essentials and washed all the baby's clothes and linens, my mom and I had nothing left to do after we dropped off my dad at the airport. She finally came up with an idea- to go to this store in a suburb about 40 minutes away, because they had something she couldn't find back in Florida that she had been wanting.

It was a beautiful, clear day and we finally arrived to the picturesque suburb, you know the type, with a full-on main street filled with unique stores. We come to a light and stop. I am the only car there. And then bam. Rear-ended. We jerk forward. Admittedly, it wasn't a hard hit at all.

We get out of the car and see this older SUV and the driver, a woman around 65, is just sitting there. My car doesn't have any visible damage. But I start getting worked up about the baby. Now you might be thinking, you were just bumped, your car isn't damaged, why are you freaked out.

I am a somewhat believer in signs, not a full-fledged believer, but that taken with my ill-founded belief that I am semi-psychic sent my mind reeling.

So here are the signs in no particular order:
1) In the child birth class my husband asked, one, yes, one question. The teacher mentioned a condition where the placenta detaches from the uterus and it is very dangerous. He asked, "well how does that happen?" She looking him dead in the eye, and with no inflection or emotion retorted, "car accident".

2) My husband and I are big fans of a bread of dog called a Wheaton Terrier. They look like little teddy bears. If we were ever to get a dog, this would be the one. Well they aren't that common and when we see them, we act like it is a harbinger of a good day. The morning of the accident I was driving him to work and we see not just one Wheaton, but the Wheaton twins, who must live in the neighborhood but I seldom see them. I said to him, "remember we say a Wheaton the day [our niece] was born? Maybe this means we are going to have the baby today."

3) About 5 years ago, I had this dreaded feeling for a couple months that I was going to get in an accident. It really weighed on me. About 3 months into this feeling I got rear-ended after a bizarre series of circumstances. That bad feeling went away, until about 2 months ago, and it came back. Weird, right?

Okay, so now I am thinking, let's say this bump detached my placenta, I need to get to the doctor so she can determine if all is okay, or if I am having a c-section and having this baby today. Time was of the essence.

The driver doesn't get out of her car. She rolls down the window and looks at me and I was starting to cry because of the baby. And she looks at me blankly (btw, I am hugely pregnant, so it isn't like a big freaking mystery as to why I am upset). My mom, who loves to exaggerate says, "she isn't crying about the car she is crying because she is nine months pregnant." Truth be told I was 8.5 months pregnant. But she loves to get sympathy on my behalf. Such as after fibroid surgery, I would say I am doing better than expected and she would be on the phone to one of my aunts saying, "she is just so uncomfortable, poor thing can't get any sleep and it really hurts to move." Got to love her for that.

The woman says, "Did I hit you?" This is when I realize we are dealing with a world class space cadet. I ask for her insurance card. She goes through every signal membership card, credit card, business card, and possibly coupon she has collected since 1987 and finally hands over an expired health insurance card. I said, "this is you medical insurance." She looks at me blankly and says, "what did you want?" I further clarify the need for her car insurance, when I notice she has a busted up front head light, from clearly another accident.

I go in my car to call the doctor's office. A couple minutes later I get out of the car and go to the passenger side to get her insurance card. She can't open the window. She literally cannot figure out why. Here's a tip, you need to turn the car on in order to open the window. Not an exaggeration, it took her about 35 seconds to realize this fact. She confessed she didn't have a card, hands me her business card, and says her husband is driving over the insurance card.

There are 2 big reveals. According to her business card, she owns a company. She must have mental faculties because she works and presumably employs people. She is the boss of someone. Even more alarming than her at the helm of a business is that she had a car seat in the back. Someone is allowing their child to be driven around by this woman.

Her husband rolls up and looks at me in all my curvy glory and says, "oh sweetheart, are you ok?" He was super nice. I tried to take a picture of the insurance card with my phone but the lighting was bad, so he opens the car door and we put it on the baby car seat. She had her gaze forward the whole time, never spoke to her husband, and this nice man didn't even acknowledge the space cadet, who herself had just been in an accident. I further deduced from their interactions and the busted headlight that this wasn't the first time he had to come clean up her mess.

My mom and I spent the next 40 minutes in route to the hospital discussing what we think she was on. Our bet was prescription drugs. And in case you are wondering, my mom didn't get the platter, I did offer, but she refused and just wanted me to get to the hospital.

We got sent to triage. I had to change into a gown and they hooked up the Non-Stress Test (NST). Essentially it is a big belt that measures the baby's heart beat. About an hour into it, they said he looks like he is fine and the nurse would call my the doctor from my practice that was on call. The doctor wanted me to stay one more hour and have an internal exam, they kind where they tell you if you are dilated and effaced.

I was secretly hoping I was one of those lucky first time moms that unbeknownst to her was walking around 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and when in labor, the nurse would be screaming for the doctor because the baby was going to slide out with the first push.

I have been warned that these exams are very painful. It wasn't ice cream and elephants, but it was okay, I was so eager to hear that I was progressing more than anyone could have hoped, that I just grinned (more like panted) and bared it.

So the verdict, 0cm and 0% effaced. Like I could keep my cervical information to myself.

Bottom line, you can wear sensible shoes, walk with the greatest caution on hazardous terrain, not lift anything heavy, avoid caffeine, alcohol, avoid the sugar I really really really want to be eating every day, and some drugged out lady can send you into a tailspin.

Luckily he was perfect. In 2 days I am going for an ultrasound to see his position and hopefully I will get another 3-D image to share.

Shell Shocked

2010-05-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we attended the 8 hour birthing class called "Great Expectations". It honestly felt like a rite of passage. Since pretty much everyone I know has a baby, I thought I knew what the class was all about.

Well, I was not prepared. It left me wanting a c-section. I am only half kidding. They showed several child births and all of them were natural. No epidurals in the bunch. The funniest part was not one person in my class was planning on going sans drugs. Questions included, "At what point would I get the epidural?", "If I am having contractions seven minutes apart but they are horribly painful, can I come in for an epidural or will I be sent home?".

My husband made noises like he was being sickened and averted his eyes during the crowning and delivery. I cannot blame him. After that scene, one expectant father inquired, "Is there anything you can give the dads so they don't pass out?" The nurse leading the class looked at him in a judging way and answered, "a chair,".

The class and hospital tour just made everything much more real. I have 7 weeks left until my due date. In some ways, I feel like I have been pregnant forever but in other ways, I can't believe there is an end in sight.

To Push the Push Present

2010-04-29T11:47:00.000-05:00

I had never heard of a push present until about four years ago, when a friend of mine from Long Island told me about the concept. Essentially, a new dad presents his wife with a sizable gift when the baby is born. It is a token of thanks for the child, for carrying the baby, and for going through the pain of labor.

I thought maybe this was just an east coast thing, but in fact, it has fully migrated over to midwest. My close friend got diamond stud earrings. Another got a beautiful necklace. I had one friend that was less than subtle about making her wants for a push present known. She actually sent him a link to Tiffany's with two things she would want- either a necklace with the baby's first name initial or a locket to put his picture in.

Not only did she send him the links and harshly remind him, she even had me remind him, which I couched with, "I am only saying something for your own good, she will be pissed if you don't do it." Her thought was he never makes an effort for birthdays or anniversaries, he just never put energy into doing something nice for her.

Well delivery at 41 weeks came and went and there was no push present and she was in fact pissed.

Personally, I don't care about a push present, the baby is present enough. However, I did tell my husband for my push present, I want a large diet coke with 4 lemon wedges pre-squeezed into my savory drink. Ideally, I do want one of those beer helmets where I can put in two diet cokes (lemoned of course) and have the straws feed directly into my mouth. That would be the most thoughtful gift of all.

Just Sitting Here Remincising

2010-04-24T18:57:00.001-05:00

It is Saturday night and my husband has been at work all day (minus a 2 hour break for our infant CPR class) and it doesn't seem like he is coming home anytime soon. So before I settle in for a night with a Lifetime movie, I decided to spend some time cleaning out my e-mail inbox.
After sorting through way too much junk, I started deleting e-mails between me and my best friend. After going through a bunch of recent messages, I thought it would be interesting to go back to see what we were talking about before and after my surgery, when I thought I was pregnant in September and wasn't, and when I was finally pregnant in October.

It made me really hopeful for all of my TTC friends (which is a club growing by the day). In September, I was convinced I was pregnant only to find out that not only was I not pregnant but I had luteal phase defect. I wrote to my friend that I just can't see it happening anymore. I then started mapping out all these contingencies, like if I am not pregnant in October, then I can't do Clomid and IUI in November because we would be in Italy and my husband wouldn't have had a semen analysis which the doctor requires before fertility treatments. I wouldn't have been able to get the prescription in time and couldn't be monitored. So for me, the pregnancy took me by surprise, because to a large degree, I had given up hope.

Speaking of giving up hope, during my infertility journey, I met via email a friend of my cousin. Both my cousin and I each had two miscarriages. She had two good friends also having issues. One of them had been trying longer than both of us. She was actually the one that turned me on to Atkins, because her fertility doctor made her go on this extremely strict diet to help regulate hormones. Well in the time since we were all in the same boat, my cousin got pregnant and now has a 4 months old and I am 8 months pregnant. I think that is a tough pill to swallow - knowing people that weren't even trying when you started TTC and now have kids or are about to. Well great news, the IVF finally worked, and she is 8 weeks pregnant with twins! She had said this was her last shot because it was just talking a horrible toll on her.

As I mentioned before, it seems there is a new wave of friends trying now and I am really excited for them. Some had tried before and issues were found that have since been corrected (like thyroid irregularities), others have tried casually but are now getting more serious with the beloved Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, and some are just throwing their hat in the fertility ring.

The one thing I wish for them, which I wasn't able to maintain, is a breezy attitude and to know it doesn't matter in the scheme of things if it happens the first month or six months later. I know if someone had told me it was going to take me sixteen months, but I knew at sixteen months, it would work, I would have been a lot more fun to live with. There's a job for me- a pregnancy oracle.

The Notebook

2010-04-19T19:03:00.000-05:00

Today was my consultation with the pediatrician. My sister-in-law and good friend have both used the practice, which is good enough for me. Yesterday I put together a list of 19 questions and after another restless night with tons of time to think, I added one more for good measure.

First off, when you go to a pediatrician's office, without a child, the first thing you feel is tall. I was surprised at how sterile the environment was -where were all the toys? But then I realized, it seemed nobody cared about germs in the 80's when I was a kid and now we are pretty much all germ phobs.

After answering my 20 questions to my complete satisfaction, they doctor actually asked to photocopy my notebook because these they are questions new parents want to know but don't always seem to ask.

Here are my questions. I will also write short responses to some that are specific to her practice.

1. What medicines/toiletries/supplies should I have in the house?

A: Rectal thermometer, Vasoline, Desitin or other diaper cream, and a saline nasal spray (like Ocean Spray, but make sure it isn't a decongestant), Unscented Baby Products (not the traditional Johnson & Johnson in case they have sensitive skin). You don't need Tylenol for the first month or so because if the baby has a fever, we will want you to bring him in.

2. What are your policies for calling with questions? Is there a fee for after hours calls?

3. What is the schedule for well-checks? Do you see the same doctor?

A: At the beginning it depends on how the baby is doing but typically 1 wk, 2 wks, 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12, 15, and 18 months?

4. What are your policies for sick visits? Is there a separate waiting room? Will we get a same day appointment?

5. I have concerns about vaccines. Why don't you offer a modified vaccine schedule? What's your take on prophylactic treatment with probiotics/vitamins?

A: I won't go into everything because it was a long discussion but she believes there is no evidence that vaccines cause autism and she has never seen a kid regress from vaccines (though said they wasn't relevant because you need to really look at hundreds of thousands of practices). She also saw no medical evidence that treating kids with specific vitamins and probiotics does anything. I asked about why when I was a kid 1 in 10,000 kids was diagnosed with Autism and now it is approximately 1 in 50 boys. She said she thinks it is how we are classifying people now and cited a British study that looked at adults with mental retardation and found the numbers were the same. After our talk, I felt much better about vaccinating on the prescribed schedule.

6. What are signs to look for that something might be wrong and should call (i.e. fever)?
A: Fever when under 2 months, screaming in pain, lethargic.

7. When do you think sleep training should begin?
A: Technically, a baby can start being trained at 2 months. Once they start smiling responsively they can learn. Most people tend to start at 4 - 6 months. It is a personal preference.

8. What formula do you recommend? I had a bad reaction to milk based formula, should I start with soy? How will I know if he is having a bad reaction?
A: Enfamil, Kirkland, Similac are all good and pretty much the same. Kirkland (Costco's brand) is actually Similac. All have the omegas added in. Start off using milk based formula. If he has an intolerance he might be extremely fussy (6 hours of crying versus 2 or 3) and blood in stool.

9. Both my mom and I have a bad reaction to erythromycin (stomach cramps). I read the eye gel used at birth is erythromycin, should I be concerned?
A: No, erythromycin commonly creates stomach issues. Kid isn't going to go blind.

10. Why does an infant need a Hep B vaccine? Should I delay it until his immune system is more mature?
A: It isn't exclusively an STD. 1/3 of the cases origins are unknown. It is more prevalent in other countries and when people from those countries come here, our kids are exposed. 95-98% of her patients get it in the hospital.

11. How do we care for the circumcision and belly button?
A: You don't really need to do much for the belly button, just sponge bathe until it falls off. For the circumcision, for the first week, use Vaseline and gauze. The second week, you need to push back the skin. (I stopped her there because it freaked me out and figured I would ask at his 2 week appointment).

12. Should I wake him to eat? If so, when should I stop?
A: You should until he regains his birth weight. After that, you don't need to.

13. How often should we bathe him?
A: Every 3 days. Just clean with a washcloth daily in chin and arm folds, and of course after diapers.

14. Should I routinely use a diaper cream or only if he is irritated?
A: You don't need to unless he is irritated, but if you know he has sensitive skin and gets rashes, you might want to.

15. Any suggestions to avoid SIDS?
A: No bumpers, no stuffed animals, put him to sleep on his back. Don't let him sleep in his car seat for more the 2 hours. You don't want him sleeping in there for 6 hours at a time. I strongly discourage a family bed.

16. How soon until I can take him on walks? How do I protect from sun? How long until I can take him into closed places (i.e. stores)?
A: You can take him out the first day you are home. Don't use sunscreen until he is 2 months. I recommend Blue Lizard sunscreen. Just use the screen on stroller or cover with a blanket. You are going to have to take him to the grocery store, so bring him in his car seat and put a blanket over it, so people aren't breathing on him. (Another note: I asked my friend who is a dermatologist, she also said 2 months and don't take the baby out when the sun is the strongest. Do expose for about 10 minutes to get some vitamin D).

17. How much do we feed him? How do we know when to increase his food intake?
A: Weight checks, how satisfied they seem, urine output. You will learn the signals and we will go over this in the hospital. If you are breast feeding, he will just take it and your supply will increase to keep up, you probably won't notice. Follow up question: After 2 months, should I try to increase day time feedings so he needs less at night? A: Yes, if the kid is taking a 5 hour nap but is up every 2-3 hours at night, wake them up to give them more during the day so you can get longer stretches of sleep at night.

18. Is it ok to just use the filtered water in my sink or do I need to buy baby water?
A: Filtered water is fine. Room temperature is easiest for the parents because you aren't always figuring out how to warm the bottle.

19. When do I use a humidifier?
A: They have limited use. For one, they can get moldy. Also, if the room is big, it might not be that effective. But if the kid is sick, put it by the crib. Taking a baby into a steamy bathroom or steam shower a couple times a day also is pretty helpful when they are congested.

20. What are your thoughts on sleep positioners?
A: I am not crazy about them. They are like a giant bumper, a SIDS risk. Kids aren't really rolling over before 3 months and if their arm gets caught in the side of the crib, they can usually get it out themselves. But I had a patient at three months that was rolling on his stomach, so she thought he should use one.

That's it in a nutshell. Obviously some of these questions are specific to my medical history, but it might jog your memory. Happy interrogating!

Mini Mick Jagger and the Hand Slap

2010-04-12T16:56:00.000-05:00

Last week I had my first appointment in 4.5 weeks. I was a little nervous because I had put on too much weight since the last appointment. But there is a back story to this.

I normally weigh myself every day or two. Well two weeks before my last appointment I weighed myself on a Monday, and then didn't the rest of the week. That weekend I went out of town to visit my best friend who is also pregnant. We are roommates from college and used to love Papa John's Pizza in college but they don't have one in Chicago. So we ordered in Papa John's, because we could. We also had TCBY during the day with Reese's Cups sprinkled on top. But heck,we were pregnant. I then get back and the next day had my Bachelor Party (a screeing of the Bachelor Final Rose, it is a tradition I have had for about 8 years for the people in my Bachelor Pool). And so there was more pizza eating and some candy eating. So yes, I threw nutrition to the wind for a 3 day bender.

Well Tuesday, three days before the last appointment, I weighed myself and was up 5 pounds from the Monday before, not to mention a couple pounds from the rest of the month.

I then started crazy workouts, like an hour and a half on the elliptical everyday. I only got carbs from fruit and vegetables. And by my Friday appointment I lost 4 of the 5 Papa John's pounds.

Well two days after the appointment I put on those 4 pounds right away, to no fault of my eating or exercising, which had gone back to normal routines.

During the last 4.5 weeks I put on 9 pound, but I like to think it was really 5 because of the 4 Papa John's pounds. I told my webkins and they were all like, the doctor isn't going to say anything. Wrong. She did. She she that was a lot of weight to put on in a month (four AND a HALF weeks, thank you very much) and then asked if I was drinking calories- nope, just water. Working out- yep about 4 times a week. So she said to watch portions and I would be checked again at my next appointment which is only 2 weeks away. So that was the bad news. She wasn't mean about it, so I didn't want to burst in tears, I certainly didn't want to hear about it though.

The good news is she too had anterior placenta. This is where the placenta is in front of the baby. Normal placenta is behind the baby between the baby and the spine. You don't feel much movement because it is like the baby is kicking a sponge and the shock is being absorbed by the placenta. It is a total mindtrick and drives me crazy. I go days without feeling a kick and then the next day he will be active. I told her this so she sent me for an Ultrasound. It has been 10 weeks since my last scan.

I got a 3-D picture. It is so crazy. I had one at 19.5 weeks but he looked like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Now he actually looks like a cutey baby. But he does have on noteworthy feature. During her exam, the tech kept saying, "check out those lips". I couldn't see much. Well then she prints out the pictures and my kid has some massive and I mean massive lips. No one that I know of on either side of our families has disproportionately large lips. The tech said it could be swollen from all the fluid in the womb.

So I send my hubby the picture and he writes back asking about his mouth. I met with the doctor again and she said it is probably the technology and this is why she doesn't like these pictures because it makes parents neurotic.

We had decided we weren't going to get a 3-D at one of those places that you pay to go. But I have to say, I am so happy we have a picture. Even though it probably will look nothing like him, it makes it so real. He is estimated to be 3lb 4oz and he looks like a baby. As much as I loved him before yesterday, I think I love him more now, just because it is so clear there is a little person inside. I definitely think our parents feel more connected too.

Check out the rock star.

Where the Kid has No Name

2010-04-07T13:11:00.001-05:00

If you haven't put it together yet, I am a planner of the highest order. I haven't met a checklist that I didn't love.

When I was trying to conceive, I had pages of estimated ovulation dates, I planned trips to accomodate my cycle, and systematically bugged my husband to make me a baby, all according to the plan. And guess what, the plan worked (eventually).

Once pregnant, I put together a check list of month by month what I needed to do to prepare for the baby. Items included paint room, have closet organizers installed, order furniture, buy must have items, meet the pediatrician, and so on.

One thing I failed to put on the list was name the child. Everything on the list are things I can do myself. And right on cue, they are being checked off on time or earlier. But things that involve my better half are yet to be done.

The biggest one is the name. I only have 11 weeks left if I make it to 40 weeks. We started talking about names in Italy when I was around 4 weeks. We got to a point where we just argued about it and we decided to table it until we knew the sex. So that was December. Okay it is now April and my sweet little guy may be called "the baby" for the rest of his life. What a horrible moniker for a boy, notwithstanding all the "no one puts baby in the corner" jokes he will have to endure, when some creative Hollywood Exec has the brilliant idea of filiming a second remake of the classic Dirty Dancing, which will no doubt happen during his gawky middle school period.

My husband doesn't understand the urgency. I guess it is two things. One, I hate living under a cloud of indecision. I am a very decisive person. He is more of a hem and hawer. He likes things to marinate. This has been an issue before when making big purchases like a house or a car. He wants time, not that he does anything in that time like research, just idle time to pass. I do my research up front and then want a decision ASAP. I am not the most patient person when I want something. Bottomline, I just wanna to know his name already (should be read with the whining tone in which it was intended).

I also need the name for his going home outfit. I saw this really cute footed outfit from Restoration Hardware Baby and Child (where his linens and rug are from). It is the same color as the stuff in his room and you can get the baby's monogram on it. I have envisioned taking him home in this sweet little get up for months. Well you have to allow time for processing, monogramming, and shipping. Who knows when I will go into labor and I need that outfit in my hospital bag ready to go. And no, I am not that crazy, bag isn't packed yet. Waiting until May, and yes it is on the checklist.

The next unchecked item on our joint to-do list is to create a plan for what happens when the baby gets here in terms of hospital visitors and help once we are home. He doesn't see why we need to figure this out now. While on one hand, we will have to play some things by ear, some planning is needed to avoid hurt feelings (like I don't want his parents to sit in the room all day like they did with his brother's wife). She was very uncomfortable and wishes she had said something and I know from my surgery, I didn't rest when visitors were there because I felt like I need to entertain. So if we tell family to come a couple hours each day, but not all day beforehand, it isn't like we need to kick them out. Also, we need a bit of planning because my parents live out of town and I doubt I am going to want to be deciding how long they should come for in the midst of contractions.

I do wish I could be looser about this but it really makes me anxious. If anyone has any advice on these issue, I am all ears.

The Well-Timed Baby

2010-04-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my husband and I watched a great documentary on Fantasy Baseball called Fantasyland. The film centered on Jed, finance wizard by trade, but seems his full time job was centered around running his fantasy league baseball team. His wife was in labor with twins and he was in the hospital lobby trying to deal a trade. And she was super understanding.

Granted, we watched this on the eve of opening day of the baseball season, which means I will likely be a sports widow for the next 7 months (assuming the Cubs make it to the post season). My friends have joked that hopefully there won't be a game while I am in labor. I am not kidding, this thought has crossed my mind on more than one occassion. I have flashes of us in the delivery room will me yelling in pain and he yelling at the closing pitcher.

So I started thinking, how many people try and plan their conception based on big life events. Some people don't want a baby near their other children's birthdays. Some fear a Christmastime baby while others think it would be the bee's knees because of the tax right off.

On Saturday, I went to my niece's birthday party and saw a friend who is due in 3 weeks. She said this pregnancy is so much easier because she didn't have to contend with being pregnant in the dead of summer like her first child. She said, "people who opt to be very pregnant in summer are crazy!"

There is probably truth to the notion that being pregnant in the fall, winter,and spring is more comfortable for mom-to-be.

Now in my case, I didn't really care too much when I got pregnant or delivered. When I realized I would be having a June baby, I was a little sad to think that when my kid was older, he might be at sleep away camp for his birthday, or his friends would be on summer vacations and miss his birthday parties. But on a completely selfish level, it is great timing. First, I haven't been uncomfortably hot yet and with just two and a half months to go, if it gets bad, it won't last too long. Most importantly, the reason people live through Chicago winters is for Chicago summers. During the summer,we walk everywhere. It typically doesn't get too hot and there is so much to do outside. We live an 8 minute walk to a huge park and Lake Michigan and a half hour walk to the zoo and farmer's market. I can be outside when he gets here, instead of paralyzed with the fear of slipping on ice with the baby.

I really can't see myself timing a future conception around sporting events, holidays, or seasons. Not because I don't think there is merit to this calculation, I do. Just knowing myself, I am too antsy about getting pregnant. I could though, see trying to time it so our kids are a certain amount of months apart. But as John Steinbeck once wrote, "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry."

The Heated Debate

2010-03-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

You might have seen quite the snippy comment on my Facebook post. I shared the response with my Webkins and received a variety of responses. So felt like as moms they felt they couldn't post everything they wanted to because they didn't want to offend those TTC. Others felt that they love to post about their kids and read everyday how their friends potty training went. Others who have been TTC felt like it is really hard to keep seeing pregnancy annoucements when they don't know when or if they will ever be pregnant.

On my blog, I did an informal poll, (I realize this is not statistically significant), about the subject. I asked, "Do you avoid certain social situations or Facebook because of so much chatter about babies and pregnancy?". At the time of publishing this 84% said they either do or sometimes do avoid social situations or Facebook.

When discussing with my webkins, it reminded me of me being in college. Freshman year, all the girls on my hall rushed. It is almost unheard of not to get offered membership to any of the thirteen sororities. Well my roommate was the ONLY person who didn't get asked to be in a house. I felt so awful for her that I downplayed my interest in being in a house because I wanted to spare her feelings. As a result, I never really embraced being in a sorority. Looking back, I probably should have put more of an effort into it, but I just felt so sad for my friend.

So while the anonymous poster on my blog post things I am such an awful friend and don't need enemies, I feel like I am trying to be empathetic to people who are struggling with infertility.

That said, being pregnant, I don't get upset at all at posts. And even before, I never got upset seeing pictures of babies that were already here. It was really a pregnancy thing, because it just highlighted to me that I may never have a baby. I comment at least once a day on someone's post about their kids. Nonetheless, before this pregnancy, I would always keep up with my pregnant friends, asking how they felt and were preparing for pregnancy.

This point the post was that sometimes people are in their own world and don't realize that going on about their child can make someone else feel bad. So take a break from it if you need to or trust that you will one day be pregnant and doing the same thing.

I still stand by that some posts are absolutely absurb and are so personal they should be saved for your spouse and maybe your closest friends and family.

As for me, I don't know how I will respond once my little guy is here. I don't know if I will post anything else pregnancy related. I definitely will announce his birth. I would like to put up pictures although not so sure my husband is comfortable with that. Maybe I will post about being sleep deprived or his first intentional smile. But I will be cognizant that there are FB friends of mine that are trying desperately to get pregnant.

New Level of Ridiculous

2010-03-17T09:17:00.000-05:00

I am not to proud to admit that I get daily updates in my inbox from US Weekly. Today's headline is absurd, "Suri Cruise hates Jeans". Are you kidding me? In order for this to be a headline, this must have gone through many steps. Here is how I imagine the process.

1) A 4 year old in Suri's Scientology Pre-School class, overhears Suri telling a fellow tot, "I love dresses like Belle not jeans like Handy Manny."

2) The eavesdropping tot turns informant. When his mommy comes to pick him up, he throws a tantrum until she gets an writer of US Weekly on the phone. The indulgent mom obliges.

3) The industrious eavesdropping tot offers an exchange, some shocking Suri Cruise news in exchange for a jumbo pack of Goldfish and the deluxe DVD edition of Dora the Explorer, Seasons 1 and 2.

4) The deal is made and the eavesdropping tot, says, "Here it is, Suri Cruise, and I mean, THE Suri Cruise, hates jeans."

5) The writer thanks the tot and arranges for the goldfish and DVD set to be delivered. In the meantime, a story like this can't be printed without fact checking. Finally, she tracks down a gardner on the Cruise estate who confirms that Suri rarely leaves the house in jeans.

6) The writer than grabs her editor and says, I have big news, "Suri Cruise hates jeans. I have two sources confirming it."

7) The editor says, "We can't sit on this. This week's issue is closed. Call the Internet team and get this on the daily e-mail push. We cannot let In Touch Scoop us on this. Not something this big".

And that my friends, is how I envision this headline coming to us.

The Complain Game

2010-03-15T17:04:00.000-05:00

When I was trying with all my might to get pregnant, nothing was as irritating to me as people complaining about their pregnancies. I am not talking about the extreme cases where people are hospitalized for severe morning sickness or had surgery for pregnancy complications like some of my friends have. They earned their right to make their ailments known.

I am talking about the comments like "It is hard work cooking a baby", "My back kills", "He is attacking me from the inside", etc. In my mind, you should be so lucky that you are nauseous, tired, or feeling kicks, because it means the baby is thriving.

I have tried to be mindful that each ache, pain, and sleepless night is for good reason. I really try not to complain to anyone but do find I slip once in a while.

Well lately, I started thinking, maybe I am not complaining enough to my husband. Hear me out. He always asks how I am feeling and I say good. In the beginning I would say, so tired but good, or a little nauseous but not that bad. Well as my third trimester is dangling before me, I have definitely felt the physical toll the pregnancy is taking. In my mind, I have had a good ride, about 6 months of feeling pretty good for the most part. I fear he won't have the true appreciation of pregnancy since I have been so breezy about it.

Take Saturday night, my back started hurting pretty badly. I feel like if I could lay on my back, it would help a lot, but you aren't allowed. I couldn't get comfortable in bed. I asked if he would rub my back. The massage lasted under 15 seconds, and ended with two pats, his universal sign of I am done with this . I barely slept all night, and somehow my speed massage didn't do the trick. I feel like their are wives out there whose husbands give them massages all the time, on demand, or just for the sake of being a nice expectant dad.

Okay, I know my theory of complaining more sounds crazy, but the other day, I was speaking to one of my closest friends who will be delivering anyday now. Her husband made some comment like big deal you are pregnant, that isn't an excuse for sitting on the couch all day. Yeah, I would want to smack him too. So she said, about a day after I had come to the same conclusion myself, "I don't think he gets how most pregnant woman are, complaining, making their husbands do stuff all the time. I should have complained more, so he could appreciate what I have gone through." Her pregnancy is basically over and she feels like she missed the boat.

I find myself in this state of in-between. I am so grateful to have a growing baby and healthy pregnancy. Each day, I feel more and more secure and confident all will work out. I chose to be pregnant and knew what to expect. And trust me, it hasn't been bad at all. But on the other hand, I do want some credit from my husband that I have been a great pregnant wife. I am rarely emotional, don't complain much, and haven't stopped doing things for him like cooking, like many of my friends did because they are tired, the smell makes them nauseous, or they plain don't want to.

But if I were to be honest, my husband has been a pretty great expectant dad. He definitely checks in with me throughout the day to see how I am doing, won't let me lift anything heavy, and gets excited about different baby milestones. There are no doubt guys out there that do none of these things.

So while there are men out there giving their wives unsolicited back massages and bringing home flowers every week, there are wives out their that don't complain about anything. I don't know where they are, but I am sure they are out there.

Baby Viability

2010-03-06T06:56:00.005-06:00

I know most pregnant women are anxious for 40 weeks and then a lifetime to follow. Having had miscarriages, I still feel like the bottom can fall out from under me. In my heart of hearts, I know everything is going well and the baby is doing great. But the one comforting nugget of information is with each passing week, the baby becomes more and more viable if I delivered very early. I originally heard the real viability date was 24 weeks. Well on Private Practice a couple weeks ago, a baby born at 24 weeks had no shot of making it. That was a dagger and yes, I am aware it is a fictional show and Addison Montgomery is not actual an Neonatal extraordainaire.

Today I turn 25 weeks, which means in baby terms that I have completed 24 weeks. I set out to find out the viability at this point and moving forward. Here is what I came across in my quest for peace of mind.

Completed Weeks at Birth / Survival
23 weeks 10-40%
24 weeks 40-70%
25 weeks 50-80%
26 weeks 80-90%
27 weeks >90%
30 weeks >95%
34 weeks >98%

A baby's chances for survival increases 3-4% per day between 23 and 24 weeks of gestation and about 2-3% per day between 24 and 26 weeks of gestation. After 26 weeks the rate of survival increases at a much slower rate because survival is high already.

The chart below I found on babyandbump.com and it shows the instances of complications at different gestational weeks. This one is a bit more sobering.

23 weeks - 10-20% survival, 90% rate of serious medical complications
24 weeks - 60% survival, 75% complications
25 weeks - 70% survival, 55% complications
26 weeks - 80% survival, 45% complications
27 weeks - 85% survival, 40% complications
28 weeks - 80% survival, 35% complications
29 weeks - 90% survival, 30% complications
30 weeks - 95% survival, 25% complications
31 weeks - 96% survival, 20% complications
32 weeks - 97% survival, 15% complications
33 weeks - 98% survival, 12% complications
34 weeks - 98% survival, 10% complications
35 weeks - 99% survival, 8% complications
36 weeks - 99+% survival, 5% complications
37 weeks - full term!

All throughout pregnancy, I kept saying to myself if I get to X point (longer than previous failed pregnancy, first trimester, 20 week ultrasound) I will breathe easy. But the truth is I probably won't until he is here.

Protecting Marriage from Infertility

2010-03-04T12:22:00.004-06:00

I know I have posted on this subject before, but in the last month, I have heard from several friends about how their marriage is taking a beating from TTC.

In all situations, the woman thinks she cares more than her husband. The truth is, she probably does, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want kids. One of my friends is going to start fertility treatments in the next 2 months and has a rainbow of emotions about it. Her husband isn't getting why she is so emotional about it.

In a couple of the situations, the husband is opposed to adoption. In one of these instances, they have gone through years of treatment and in another situation they haven't going through almost any treatments, but it is still a source of contention.

As someone who struggled to get pregnant, this makes complete sense to me. You want to know your options. Some options are easier to agree on, such as clomid, IUI, and IVF. Others require more reflection like surrogacy and adoption.

Before my husband and I even started trying, we agreed we would both be open to adoption. Knowing that we both wanted kids no matter what, was a relief to me, especially when things went south.

Despite being aligned, we weren't insulated from bickering because of trying to conceive troubles. When I think back, my overwhelming feeling was "he doesn't get it". He doesn't get why I am so upset. He doesn't get why I am so sensitive. He doesn't get why this latest set back seems so dire. At times it was infuriating. But what I didn't get at the time was that I was lucky. He never made me feel defective, even though the problems clearly laid in my court. He never made me feel like it was taking too long. He was of the mindset that it will happen when it happens. The only time he made a comment that all this was happening to him too, well it really upset me. And I did feel for a minute that I had failed him.

When I look back on the year and half we tried to conceive, especially after the first miscarriage, I do realize that we argued more than normal and I was at times resentful. Now we rarely argue and I haven't had the feeling once of he just doesn't get me.

Infertility is such a deeply sensitive and personal issue. So it seems natural we would expect our husbands to intrinsically know how to make it better. But really, what can they do besides besides making themselves available during ovulation, get testing if necessary, and letting you know that it will work out and one day you will have a child?

If your guy cried with you when you got another negative pregnancy test, is that really going to make you feel better? Personally, it would make me feel 100 times worse. In retrospect, I do think I lashed out at times at my husband, because he is my person, the one friend in the world that has to take what you dish out. I do think he could have been more sensitive to situations that would knowingly upset me. But theoretically, we were in the same boat, and those social situations with 20 pregnant people talking about their registries and pre-natal classes, didn't seem to phase him.

My advice, be explicit about what is upsetting you and what you need from you man. Have the mindset that this tension will pass. And know that a man's need to have a kid is often not nearly as strong as a woman's. That doesn't mean he doesn't want to have your children, it just isn't the only thing on his mind, like it seems to be for us.

Today's 5

2010-02-22T16:23:00.002-06:00

I have some random thoughts, so let's discuss in no particular order.

Did you see Keeping up with Kardashians last night when Kourtney delivered her baby? She was the chillest laborer I have ever seen and literally pulled the baby out herself. Whatever they gave her, I want.
I am sick and tired of people's superstitions about buying things for a baby before it is born. People such as this, who shall remain nameless, can be hurtful. After going through so much to stay pregnant, a little faith in the baby would be nice from people who supposedly care. Newsflash, I didn't buy a damn thing, not even a copy of What to Expect when You're Expecting with the first two doomed pregnancies and look at how well that turned out.
I have discovered the pregnant person's two week wait (TWW): not feeling the baby move for a long amount of time. It is like this crazy, anxiety-producing event.
Babies are expensive. While you are TTC, consider starting to stash money away for the start up costs you will need to get the nursery ready. And maybe start secretly stocking up on small things you can hide from your husband so he doesn't freak over credit card bills. I never really understood those moms that would hide shopping bags in their trunk and sneak them in under the cover of night, but I am starting to get it.
Anyone totally excited for the Bachelor Tells All Tonight? I know you probably think my greatest love is the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. But truly, my passion is reserved for the Bachelor. In fact, I am having a bachelor party next Monday for the finale.

Those are my five random thoughts of the day. Feel free to share yours.

Facebook Can Suck It

2010-02-10T16:14:00.002-06:00

I have written before about the ills of TTC and being on Facebook. No doubt the day your cycle starts, the nerdy girl from high school announces she is pregnant with twins.

Today one of my webkins, as my husband calls them (friends in a group on babycenter.com) posted she hates Facebook because a friend's pregnancy was not only posted by the mom-to-be, but her dad and some other family member.

I signed on today and saw this guy I went to school with impregnated his wife for the - wait for it- fifth time. He is expecting baby number five. Man this gets my goat on behalf of all people trying to conceive. I don't want to begrudge anyone and their little bundles of joy, but the last time I saw him he was trying to get my friend to make out with him at a bar about 3 years ago and 3 kids ago. He still had 2 kids at the time of his attempted transgression.

I am so happy I am pregnant because if I were still struggling, this tidbit would have seriously put me over the edge and my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor may have found its death in the snow mounds outside my window.

As someone who hated the Facebook announcements and incessant postings of my friend's potty training exploits, I feel there is some gray area. Let's exam.

First, Facebook is an easy way to get info out quickly. I waited until more than 4 months to go public on Facebook and I didn't make a huge announcement. I first said something about the baby put an addition on its house (meaning my stomach popped). A couple people got it for others it was too esoteric.

At 19 weeks I posted that we confirmed we are having a boy. So that was my big coming out. I had told friends at about 13 weeks but not peripheral friends. That is the extent of my posting and I don't plan to post until the baby is here.

Why? Let's take my one childhood friend. Her life's joy is to be barefoot and pregnant. She is pregnant with her third child. Today's post showed a picture of her big belly and her two daughters kissing it. Her status said what a great day is having because she managed to drive through a snow storm, deliver treats to her daughter's school, get home, do loads of laundry, clean the house and get the younger daughter down for a nap by 1pm. Last week I learned about how her little one was going on a big girl potty. Talk about over-sharing.

Here is another one that was so ridiculous. A friend wrote on Facebook about her 2 week old son, who can't hold is head up, let alone read a status update, "Dear Jack, thank you so much for showing me and your daddy the meaning of truly loving someone. Love Mommy". Seriously, she got like 15 people click "like this". I am sure Jack is the greatest blessing on earth, but save it for you and your hubby.

Never will I forget the posts of my friend's cousin. It was seriously like watching the Discovery Channel. After enduring 6 months of posts about her pregnancy including updates on doctor's visit, who bought her what, her bed rest postings, she finally went into labor. She had updates on contractions every 30 minutes. Where did she find the time? Nothing will compare to what happens next. She posted once at the hospital, "epidural is in, hopefully baby S will be here soon". Mind you, you are paralyzed once an epidural is given, so her enabling husband must have fetched her the computer so we could all think about needles going into her spine.

For me, it was never feeling jealous of my Facebook friends. I just felt like it was adding salt to my wounds. All these people seem to get pregnant with no issue (which may or may not be true). Some people are on their 2nd, 3rd, and now 5th kid and I am struggling for one. I have taken many Facebook breaks in my day. I think if I had not been through this roller coaster ride, I probably would be one of these bubbly people posting belly pics and telling people how I don't sleep because I up peeing all night or I have a doctors appointment and get to hear the heartbeat. Our fertile friends don't have a clue that their good news can make someone else feel awful about their situations. So take it with a grain of salt and pretty soon, you can rub your pregnancy in your friend's faces.

Aren't We All Nesters at Heart?

2010-02-09T14:38:00.008-06:00

People always talk about when you are pregnant, you nest. You get organized, you clean a lot, and you dote on all details related to the house.

This is true for me, but it isn't new. Even before I became obsessed with HGTV, I could salivate walking into the Container Store. In the last week, I have had 2 closets organized (the nursery and a hall closet), had the room painted, and put together and decorated a night stand for the baby's room.

I have shown some people pictures and everyone, pregnant or not, is moved by the beautiful simplicity of an organized closet.

There is something so sweetly satisfying about an organized closet. I have about 8 baby things in the closet and yet, every day I find myself opening the doors and looking at the bins and shelves.

I will post pictures as the nursery develops. I know there isn't much to see now, well except for my awesome closet.

Allergic to the Doctor

2010-02-08T19:27:00.002-06:00

I have learned a very important lesson over the last 2 years. Between trying to conceive and being pregnant, sometimes you need to forget what the doctor says and trust your own instincts.

In terms of TTC and my miscarriages, my doctor, once the mutant fibroid was found, didn't assume that was my problem and ran a million test. I absolutely appreciate her being thorough, but I felt in my gut the fibroid was problem. Since she would never definitively say so, I have been haunted throughout this pregnancy with doubt.

Next, the whole luteal phase defect which you guys are probably sick of hearing about from me. But I was convinced I had a problem and it wasn't an ovulation problem, it was a progesterone problem. My doctor thought I should be treated with clomid. I didn't want to accept that since I knew from my charts I ovulated just fine on my own. I then found a doctor that agreed to test me twice in my TWW, 6dpo like normal, and 12dpo when I was spotting. And I was right, it was a progesterone issue. Next month, I was pregnant, and the progesterone supplements helped me hold onto this baby.

The latest is this blood pressure issue that landed me in the hospital 3 weeks ago. It was high at the doctors, 140/80. The next week it was 140/100 and I was sent to labor and delivery to be monitored. It came down while there to a healthy level. The on-call doctor said it was probably white coat syndrome but come in the next week to get checked again. Last week it was 140/80. And they had me convinced the reason it was normal at the hospital was because I was lying down in the bed. At my last visit they said I should come in this week and if it is high again I will have to see my internist for medicine.

Without their recommendation, I ordered a blood pressure cuff online. I didn't like the idea that I would be walking around with high blood pressure for 5 weeks unchecked. If you have high blood pressure, your placenta might die off early, and your baby might not have the nutrients to make it full term, so you have to deliver early. Plus high blood pressure is more common in people that develop preeclampsia. I kept telling the doctors I always get white coat syndrome when I get checked at the doctors office but if I sit a while it will come down. This happened even before I was pregnant. I understand they need to worry about it, but I wasn't being heard.

My cuff arrived today. I seriously have taken my BP about 25 times and each time it has been well within normal range and more often then not, under 120/80, which is considered normal. The doctors had me so freaked that I wasn't sure if it was calibrated correctly. So when my husband came home, I took his blood pressure and then mine right after. His was in normal range and mine was lower than his. He just had a physical a couple weeks ago and had no issue, so now I believe it.

The point of all this is, sometimes you know yourself better than the doctors and need to be your own advocate. If you really believe you know what is going on with you, or why you have trouble getting pregnant, try to get your doctor to test your theory and if she refuses, find someone else. I fully believe I wouldn't have held onto this pregnancy, had I not advocated for myself for the odd request of a 12dpo progesterone test. I also would have very likely ended up on blood pressure medicine that I didn't need and could have caused my bp to crash.

The World is a Stage

2010-02-07T07:38:00.007-06:00

You know how when you want to have a kid, it is all consuming? I am pretty sure you know what I am talking about. You start worrying that with each month you are only getting older and your eggs aren't getting any younger.

Lately I have started to be more observant about the life stages my friends are in. I have narrowed it down to four stages:

Stage 1: Single and no longer looking to mingle: These friends are either making their best efforts at match.com, e-harmony, speed dating, and set ups with their parent's neighbor's nephew, twice removed. Or these friends might have found their meant to be, but are so used to being on their own, they don't know if they should "settle" when there is absolutely nothing wrong with the guy.

Stage 2: The Free Birds: These people have either been married a short amount of time, or just really love their freedom and flexibility and would rather spend their time and money traveling now. They definitely want kids, but not for a couple more years.

Stage 3: The "I'm Ovulating!" crew: This cohort is compromised of couples who are trying to make a baby like it is their full time job. Ahh, am I familiar with this one. They don't drink, don't smoke, they take their pre-natal vitamins, eagerly visit their doctor for a pre-conception check-up and most noteably, force themselves on their man at minimum of every other day for a week each month.

Stage 4: The Parentals: These are people that have successfully graduated from the first three stages and now can't go anywhere with child after 7pm and if they do need to be somewhere during these witching hours they are paying the babysitter through the nose.

So why the sociological study? When you are in the thick of trying to conceive, it can be so all consuming. Everything you eat or drink is about this hypothetical baby. Your thoughts are all about conception timing. I was going through some old papers from work and found page after page of my homespun calendars calculating when I might ovulate and my fertile days. I would come up with ways to avoid work trips during the time I thought I would ovulate. I went through a period where I was traveling to the west coast a lot and I would set my alarm for 4 am every morning to making sure I didn't miss my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor window. Point being I stopped looking at what was great about my situation and was so fixated on getting pregnant. So let's discuss.

Reasons why Stage 3 is better than Stage 1: Single and no longer looking to mingle: I just turned 32 and I have a huge chunk of single girl friends from about 30 to 43. Very few are in relationships now. I can only foresee one of these relationships ending in engagement anytime soon. The others try so hard. But it isn't easy. They are all great girls. Smart, good education, good jobs, funny. But as they get older, they find the guys they are interested in want someone younger. Most rarely mention fertility concerns when talking about not having someone now. Some do talk jokingly about freezing their eggs, others think they will never be moms, even though they want to be. Some tell themselves if I have not met someone by 36, then I will freeze my eggs. But for the most part, they are just looking to move to Stage 2: The Free Birds. Bottom line, I feel so lucky to have my husband and not dealing with dating now. I don't have the energy to go out three nights a week for drinks, wait for call and texts. I think there are aspects of this lifestyle that are fun and exciting, but I wouldn't want to change it where I am for anything.

Reasons why Stage 2:The Free Birds can be better than Stage 3. For the first 8 years of my relationship with my husband, one of us has always been in school. We were both in college at the same time. He went straight to grad school and I worked. Then he worked and I went to grad school. When we were 28, we finally were in a place where we had good jobs and could afford to enjoy ourselves a bit more. We started to do some nice trips and stay in nice hotels. We went on an Alaskan Cruise, we went to Europe, a spa in AZ, Montreal. Point is, we got to spend time enjoying being a couple without the responsibility of children. We weren't concerned with ovulation, I could have a gin and tonic on a whim, and never had to feel like having a diet coke would poision a potential fertilized egg and lead to a miscarriage. This was the blissful stage when I had no clue when I was fertile and if I did know, I would avoid getting romantic during these times at all costs.

Advantages to being in Stages 1, 2, and 3, to being in Stage 4: The Parentals: This is a classic case of be careful what you wish for. Everyone says that having a baby is the best experience, you don't know love until you have a child. But that child does impact your life. People in the first 3 stages get to sleep in. They can decide last minute to take a quick flight to Napa and go wine tasting. They can go to dinner and a movie and not pay a babysitter $40. If they want to have a lazy Sunday watching a Meredith Baxter Burney or Kelly Martin Lifetime Movie marathon, they can. While you gain something so wonderful, you lose some automony and independence. Your life isn't your own anymore, you are there to make sure your child is safe and happy and that is a 24/7 job.

So back to the question I posed earlier, why the sociological study? I guess I wished that I had lived stage 3 a little bit more like stage 2. I didn't enjoy TTC, it was stressful for me. I put a lot of pressure on myself and my husband, who really was a trooper about the whole thing. I felt like if I had a crystal ball and could see I had a child I could enjoy it TTC and see it as an extension of Stage 2. But to my knowledge, no crystal ball exists and there are no guarantees that you get a kid in the end. I think I lost sight of what I did have (great husband, good job, good friends, amazing parents, house that I love) and concentrated with all my energy on what a didn't have (a pregnancy and a baby).

I am not saying don't worry about it, worrying will impede getting pregnant. I would be the biggest hypocrite on the planet and plus I don't believe it. For most, pregnancy takes planning and thought. My point is, enjoy your independence. Enjoy going to dinner with girl friends during the week. Treat yourself to the manicure. Go out to dinner every weekend with your husband. Sleep in on Sundays. Cherish sleeping through the night. Because come pregnancy and baby, you lose a lot of advantages that you have enjoyed your entire life. Your time will come to be pregnant and your time will come to be a mom. Enjoy yourself now.

Smile, White, and Blue

2010-01-25T15:27:00.003-06:00

What a day. Today was the much anticipated ultrasound. Originally we were supposed to find out the sex today but an over-zealous tech told me at 13 weeks. We did get confirmation- it's a boy!

I had the first appointment of the day, at 7am, to make it convenient for my husband. The ultrasound was very successful. They checked his whole body (kidneys, spine, heart, brain, diaphragm, fingers, toes) and all looked normal. He is 11oz now. Tell that to my stomach. We got one 3-D image and it looks like he is smiling.

After the screening, my husband left for work. He had his performance review that morning. I had to meet with a doctor because at my check up last week my blood pressure was high. I typically get white coat syndrome where you blood pressure gets high because you are nervous about the doctor. So I assumed that was my issue.

I do have to say, I worked myself up into a tizzy during the week with nightmares of having pre-eclampsia and delivering at 24 weeks. The nurse brings me back and I asked for a few minutes to calm myself down. She didn't honor my request and it showed, my BP was 140/100. They highest it has ever been. Last week it was 140/80 and that had been the record to date. She said she would leave and the doctor would take my BP when she came in to see me.

Well this made matters worse, the doc is the last person I wanted checking it. When the doctor comes in, I thought I had calmed myself down. I was sadly mistaken. It was still 140/100. I explained I get nervous and this has happened to me before and if I just relax for a bit it will come down. She said she couldn't chance it and couldn't let me go home, and I needed to check into the hospital for observation. I was somewhat incredulous at this point. She wasn't kidding. I said if I do need medicine will she just give it to me and she said no, it has to come from my internist, they don't deal with medicating for blood pressure. I am sure my blood pressure rose even more at that point.

So ten minutes later, I am moving my car from the street (a huge coup in downtown Chicago) to the hospital parking lot. It was about 8:30am. I didn't want to tell my husband yet what was going on because he was already worried about the review and I didn't want to add to it.

Around 9:15 I get in a room. It was an actual delivery room on the labor and delivery floor. It was very nice, but word of advice, bring your own pillows. The bed was pretty uncomfortable and the pillows had a plastic case under the pillow case. But the floors were hardwood, had a large bathroom, and a flat screen TV. The nurse was incredibly kind and after asking about 100 questions about symptoms, she said I think your issue is you were nervous, you don't have any other symptoms.

The numbers started trending down. Meanwhile they ran labs on me. I was then introduced to a third year med student. I have lots of doctor friends and have the utmost respect for my doctors, but between this one and the ones I had during my fibroid surgery, it is hard to believe they will ever turn into confident doctors. She seriously took the exact same medical history the nurse did but with less confidence. Had she just looked at the computer screen in my room, she would have seen all the answers.

About an hour into my stay my numbers were completely normal and by the time a doctor from my OB's practice came in to check meI was down to 115/55, which is quite good.

The doctor said it looked like I had a classic case of white coat syndrome, but I need to figure out how to get it in check or I am going to end up in the hospital every week. For now, they want me to come in weekly to check it. And bonus- she doesn't want me exercising all week! Doctor's orders.

So all in all, day started out great with the baby's smile but the white coat syndrome left me a little freaked out and blue.

Old Scars Run Deep

2010-01-20T09:35:00.003-06:00

I get asked a lot if now that I am pregnant, do the miscarriages still sting. There isn't a simple answer to this question.

In some ways, the majority of pain, or really hypersensitivity has passed in relation to my own situation. I believe the baby I am carrying now is the baby I was meant to raise.

On the other hand, certain aspects of going through the ordeal has stayed, and it isn't always about me.

For instance, this past weekend we were at a party and I saw a woman there who we have seen socially for years. I have known, from both her and others that they are having a hell of a time getting and staying pregnant. She told me before I was even trying that they were having problems.

Well she already knew I was pregnant, but at the party, another couple announced their pregnancy. She was so nice to both of us and had a big smile. But I know that smile. You are happy for these other people, but just wish you could join the team. It reminded me of how I would try to explain to my husband why these situations were hard. He never really got it and assumed I was being jealous and not happy for my friends. It wasn't that at all. I said it was like you tried out for varsity football and made the team and all your friends were on the team. And one day the coach cuts you from the team, with no warning and no reason. But every time you see your old teammates, they are wearing their jerseys and talking about practice or the big game. You just feel left out and wronged because you deserve to be on the team. People who want to be pregnant just want to be on the team and have incessant conversations about which bottles are the best and the merits of a $700 stroller.

So back to the party, I just felt awful and found myself saying, it was a really long road to get here and if it could happen to me it could happen to anyone. I was kind of a blubbering mess which must have only made things more awkward. But it showed me that I have such a deep compassion for anyone going through this. I don't want anyone to feel how I felt.

Another area that sticks with me is a feeling that the bottom could always fall out from under me. I know pregnancy is scary for anyone, but I don't think it is the same for someone who has gone through a loss. I feel there is a huge majority of people that get pregnant and just assume they will carry a healthy baby to term. Of course they might get nervous before a big test, but it isn't the same. For me, I crave constant reassurance- like pregnancy symptoms, ultrasounds, hearing the heart beat. I still get nervous I will see blood when I go to the bathroom. I know that's not normal.

I have also found that I am still a bit petty about people that have been married for 7 seconds and fall pregnant. Unless you are of "advanced maternal age" I don't get it and it offends me on behalf of all of those trying to get pregnant for eons.

After I got out of the first trimester, I have felt much more at ease. The geneticist at my 12.5 week NT screening said at that point only 3% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. This was a comforting stat. And it improves every week.

Looking at all these fertility experiences in aggregate, I am okay with it all. Quickly, living for the egg on my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor, waiting for the coveted Fertility Friend crosshairs, and making it to test day at the end of my TWW seems very far away. But I will never forget what it was like. I think while you are in the thick of fertility problems, you only partially believe it will happen for me. My friends and family would tell me all the time that it will happen. I just wish I could have truly believed it and I wish even more that people who read this will believe it for themselves.

Guest Post!!! Ectopic Pregnancy

2010-01-19T10:42:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine recently went through an ordeal. After months and months of trying to get pregnant, she went to see a fertility doctor. Before any treatment, she discovered she was pregnant. It became obvious fairly quickly that something wasn't right. Finally, the doctors determined it was etopic. It took an agonizingly long time for the pregnancy to end. I asked her to share her story with my readers.
*************************************************************************************

Six weeks ago I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. I wasn’t surprised; I knew something was wrong. The day before they were finally able to see something growing in my right fallopian tube on ultrasound I fainted getting out of bed. Luckily, I was being monitored at the time by my fertility doctor; two weeks earlier, what should have been a routine day-3 blood test revealed slightly elevated HCG levels. The ectopic diagnosis was the culmination of two weeks of uncertainty, frustration, and the strange, strange sensation that I might have—finally, after all this time—actually gotten pregnant.
It turns out I had gotten pregnant naturally during my previous cycle--the cycle before I was due to begin fertility treatments. It came as a surprise that my HCG level was elevated because I got (what I thought was) my period right on time that month. In fact, that day-3 blood test was meant to determine my baseline numbers so that I could begin clomid that week. It was weird, though--with each subsequent visit, my doctor and nurses played it close to the vest; basically, my Beta was going up normally, yet my numbers were on the very low-end of the accepted spectrum. I was in and out of his office early mornings throughout those two weeks getting blood tests and ultrasounds, and each afternoon when the nurse would call with my results it would be a flat “we still don’t know what’s going on…why don’t you come back in a couple of days and maybe we’ll have a better idea then…” Looking back on it now, I realize that no one—not even I—ever called it a pregnancy.
I suspect that they monitored me so closely because they saw this coming—my very low (less than 1) progesterone levels, my weak Beta, the lack of anything visible on ultrasound. I think I probably owe them my thanks for not getting my hopes up in the first place, and I know I owe them my health (and, though it’s surreal to think of it this way, my life), but at the time all I felt was resolve. I didn’t want the reality of what was happening to be kept from me; I could handle it, so I thought. Following my doctor’s confirmation that it was, in fact, ectopic, things began to happen very quickly. Though even after being rushed to the hospital for a shot of methotrexate, sitting on a pink leather recliner—typically used by chemo patients (for that’s what methotrexate is, after all)—and waiting for someone to explain exactly what was going to be put in my body, what it would do to me and the thing in my fallopian tube, what would happen if it didn’t work, and what exactly “work” meant, I was fine fine fine. I could handle it.
Until I couldn’t. It hit me the next night—I think that first 36 hours was part relief that I finally knew exactly what had been brewing in my body for the last two weeks and part shock—when I was lying in bed with my husband watching TV. What had my friend told me months ago while she was in the throes of her own fertility issues and I had just begun to try? She said “talk to it—it doesn’t matter how early it is, talk to it, let it know it’s real. Let yourself believe it’s real.” And I had. I had talked to it every day, sometimes more than once a day. I told it to hold on. At the time I, of course, had no idea that it was holding on—just in the wrong spot. And as I lay there, I wondered if maybe it was listening to me. It was a baby, after all, not just a medical condition. And it had been listening to me—to its mom—and now I had to let it know it was okay to let go.
I know, I know. Cue the violins. Sorry. I just read that back and it sounds ridiculous. But if I’m being honest about this whole thing, that was exactly went through my mind.
When I said above that I probably owe my fertility doctor (and his support staff) my life, it’s not a sentiment that registers with me because I never considered that any of this could ever truly endanger my existence. My sanity—yes. My ability to have a healthy baby in the timeframe I’d hoped—yes. Even my marriage—sadly, yes. But did I ever really think about how dangerous the ectopic pregnancy could have been had it gone unnoticed? No. I’m too consumed with myself to consider the fact that I’m still here. I’m too aware of my new reality—the one that having an ectopic pregnancy has propelled me into. I see this situation more as a social responsibility than a personal health issue. I’m more concerned with how my moods affect my husband than with how they’re eating me up inside; I’m constantly battling the amount of bitterness I allow to seep into the “check-in” phone calls from my mom. I’m making sure that my friends and colleagues know I’m “okay”…after all, I want to be the strong post- trauma girl, not the mess walking around the produce section of Dominick’s with tears streaming down my face as Taylor Swift sings “Fifteen” on my Ipod.
I can only hope that the more days that go by (and believe me, they’re going by really slowly), the more okay I feel. And, of course, there’s saying I’m okay and actually being okay. I’d like to think that I’m somewhere between the two. I certainly have my setbacks—I tend to avoid Facebook these days. I also find myself gravitating towards friends, and even friends-of-friends, who have had fertility issues. It’s like being in a sorority you never wanted to join; it’s just easier to relate to these girls right now, I guess.
Someone told me once that you get the baby you’re supposed to get. Of course, at times I take more solace in her other words of wisdom: there’s nothing wrong with irrationally hating someone that gets pregnant on the first try. At least for now. I won’t always hate, and I won’t always be the girl dealing with an ectopic pregnancy. We all have our own stories, and this is just the beginning of mine.

Moms Into Fitness First Trimester: DVD Review

2010-01-08T17:05:00.000-06:00

I am very excited to share this review because I found a DVD series that I think is great. I think Moms Into Fitness Pregnancy First Trimester is a solid workout. It is the first in 4 part DVD collection.

The host is Lindsay Brin, who actually was part of a big study on prenatal exercise. If you watch the extra features on the DVD, you can hear her talk about the findings and recommendations.

What you need:
yoga mat/towel

hand weights (she uses 2 sets:5 pounds and 8 pounds; the person doing modified exercises uses 3 and 5 pound weights, I just just 5 pound weights for all exercise)

What you get:

The DVD features a 30-minute aerobic section and a separate 30-minute yoga practice

What it is like:

I am not sure if it is being pregnant (and I pray it is), but at times I felt winded and I know 3 months ago, it wouldn't have phased me too much. The aerobics remind me a lot of a step class without the step (grapevines, knee-repeaters). But she sprinkles in some long sets of muscle work. We are talking squats, lunges, triceps, biceps, shoulders and more. So you will do some aerobic exercises and then some muscle conditioning. She finishes with a core workout including plank poses, crunches, downward dog and of course, kegels (which I still haven't mastered out of the bathroom since I am worried I am going to mess up and have an accident. How's that for full disclosure?).

The yoga section is good. It isn't a cake walk but you do end feeling refreshed.

Why I like it:

First off, I like Lindsay. She isn't pregnant, but she does have 2 women who are in the advertised trimester, in this case, the first. She seems really friendly and informed. Second, I was treating myself with kid gloves before this video. I didn't think I could do plank, crunches, and some of these weight exercises. It makes me feel confident to knowing she was part of this study and is recommending these exercise.

The videos are trimester specific. So she is aware of different concerns/pregnancy symptoms. For instance, in the first trimester, you are more tired and fatigued, so she discusses that. She alludes to the fact that in the second trimester, she doesn't do any exercises that has you flat on your back.

I also feel like I have accomplished something when I do the Moms Into Fitness Pregnancy First Trimester workout. It certainly isn't the hardest workout I have ever done, but for pregnancy, I think it taxes me an appropriate amount. It moves quickly, when you are sick of aerobic, you move to weights and when you feel tired, you are moving back to aerobics.

I personally bought a 4-pack from Amazon which has one video for each of the three trimesters, plus a Moms into Fitness Bootcamp DVD for post-delivery. Here is the link if you are interested and I have also included the link to just the 1st trimester DVD.

The NT Screening

2010-01-03T11:21:00.004-06:00

Between your 11 and 13 weeks, many doctors send their expecting patients for an NT screening. Essentially, a geneticist estimates the chances your baby will have either Down's Syndrome or a Trisomy Disease (there are a few and if the baby makes it to term, it won't live long).

They assess your risk based on three factors: maternal age at time of delivery, measurement of fluid behind baby's neck, and blood work from the mom, but it measures something that the fetus makes, not the mom. So two factors are from baby and one is from mom.

Typically after this test is when people feel confident announcing their population to the greater world.

A week before my test, at 11.5 weeks, I went to the geneticist's office. My doctor doesn't perform this screening in her office. I had to give some blood. Oddly enough, at this highly private moment, I ran into someone I know. He had told me previously that his wife was expecitng their second, but I hadn't told him about my pregnancy.

Some people give blood the same day as the ultrasound, but I opted to go a week early because I would be able to get results the same day as the U/S, and by now we all know I am a worrier about such things and didn't want to wait even longer.

The following week I returned with my husband and my mom who was in town. The place was packed. They called us in for the ultrasound, which was an external for those wondering. It is so amazing to see the progress of the baby on this ultrasound at 12.5 to the one at 9 weeks. My mom was floored because they didn't have ultrasounds when she had my sister and I and the ones on tv don't do the experience justice. The baby was turning and kicking and waving its little arms.

I had been such a wreck that they would go in and the baby wouldn't still be alive. I know that seems crazy, but it happened to my cousin and clearly I don't have the best luck in this department.

The ultrasound tech refused to take a guess at the gender. I know it is early but I know people who found out at this point. She also wouldn't comment on the baby's neck fluid which is one of the three factors they were screening.

After the picture show, we went to the lobby until my husband and I were called in to meet with the geneticist. Our results were as good as we could have hoped for. Despite being 32 at the time of delivery my baby's genetic probably of having one of these diseases was as good as a twenty year old. Essentially they say for my age the odds of the baby of having Down's is, let's say, 1 in 550 but when you combine the neck measurement and the blood test, it is reduced to less than 1 in 10,000. Same for trisomy. We were later tested for SMA, a musclar disease which came back normal. My husband asked so many questions that my mom in the waiting room was in a near panic because she saw other couples quickly going in and out and we were in there forever.

All in all, it is a scary experience but so reassuring to have it behind you. It also made me feel better about starting a family at a later age. While it is true every baby will be different, at least I know that if I wait a couple of years for number 2, it isn't predetermined that the baby's risk of a disease is so much higher, my age is only one factor.

After this test, I felt so much more at ease. To be honest, I am 16 weeks now and those doubts I had before the test have gone away.

Happy New Year

2010-01-03T11:14:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year! I wish everyone still trying a very prosperous year and those pregnant a very healthy pregnancy and only 10 minutes of hard labor.

It dawned on me that this new year felt so much lighter than last years and the only reason is because I am pregnant. This is kind of sad. As a pretty optimistic person in general, it is startling how this one factor outweighed all other great things in my life. I don't think it helps that my birthday is in January, so the world's new year is my new year too, and adding another candle never makes you feel better about TTC troubles.

So if you are in the fertility rut, as I was, try to think optimstically about the new year as the year I am going to get pregnant. By next new year, it is extremely likely that you will have a baby or will be delivering soon.

Another Reason to see a Fertility Doctor

2009-12-19T14:25:00.003-06:00

I thought there was a big stigma attached to going to a fertility doctor. When my OB strongly suggested it over our disagreement over progesterone, I was upset. I kept thinking, I don't need a fertility doctor, I can do this on my own.

From previous posts you might have read that once I met with my RE I felt so much better, like we had a plan if the natural route didn't work or if I did in fact have a luteal phase defect.

Now that I am pregnant there are a couple things that truly made me appreciative of having a fertility doctor.

1) Her whole job is to get you and keep you pregnant. She has more tools at her disposal and knowledge than a regular OB/GYN whose primary function is keep you healthy and help you deliver a healthy child. OBs pretty much can offer you clomid. But many REs feel that clomid should be used with IUI because of the affects of the drug on CM. An OB can't perform IUIs.

2) The level of responsiveness is unparalleled by any doctor I have ever dealt with. You can get your doctor on the phone and in my experience she remembered me, or at least was courteous enough to review my file before calling me. You can get in the same day for blood work (betas, progesterone) or an ultrasound need be and results usually came a couple hours later for me.

3) My first month trying after surgery, my progesterone was tested 6dpo and it was high but at 10dpo I started spotting. I called her 11dpo. She personally took my call and said it was an unusual way to present but wanted me to get checked out before she put me on progesterone moving forward. I went in the next day and it showed I did have a problem. She wrote me a prescription that day to start using the next month after ovulation. It wasn't a fight about the use of progesterone. I wasn't forced to go on Clomid either.

4) Here is the biggie. Even though I conceived naturally, I was still in the care of the RE. As her patient, she insists (and I happily obliged) to do an ultrasound every week until the 9th week. At that time a healthy heartbeat has been sustained and you get released to your regular OB. Again this comes back to my theory that an RE is all about getting you and keeping you pregnant and an OB is all about your health. When you go in, there isn't a weight check, urine test, blood pressure screening. It is just an ultrasound. She would always ask me how I was feeling, but it wasn't like I came in with a big list of questions. She also did the ultrasounds herself, not a tech, which made me feel better. She was very understanding of my anxiety and my spontaneous explosion of emotion the first time I saw the baby's heart beating. Once you go to your OB, it is more about you. You get tested and checked but it isn't fun because you aren't seeing your baby. One more point, it is truly an unbelievable experience to have 4 ultrasounds in successive weeks because the sixth week it is a little blob where you can see the heartbeat. The seventh week you can see tremendous growth and hear the heartbeat. The eight week I saw legs. And at the nine week appointment, which my DH joined me for, we saw our little baby kicking. A normal OB won't allow you to have so many ultrasounds.

All in all, for me and many, it was a big psychological hurdle to go to a fertility doctor. I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made. What is the point of putting it off because of pride? Just because you go doesn't mean they are going to push you into fertility treatments. They first will check if you have an underlying problem (or you man) and then gauge how aggressive you want to be.

The Sleeping Cult

2009-12-17T09:00:00.005-06:00

Last night, I went to my husband's work holiday party. He had just told some people that we were expecting that day and then others at the party. After the obligatory congratulations and when are you due inquiries, two people about two hours apart said, "you have to read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".

It is all about sleep training. Essentially after about 8 weeks the baby should never be up for more then 2 hours at a time and it also helps to get them to only wake up once during the night. One mom said she was militant and it is really hard because you can't leave your house much while doing it because you live and die by the schedule. For both they said it took about 6 weeks.

I am starting to believe this book is a cult classic because the day I told my sister-in-law and brother-in-law I was pregnant both said we needed to read this book and luckily they had 2 copies so gave me one. The irony is, their eldest slept through the night at 3 months but the little one, who is honestly the sweetest best baby ever, still doesn't and is 8 months old.

I am going to start reading it today.

Who took my symptoms?

2009-12-16T13:20:00.003-06:00

You see on babycenter.com and the bump.com all the time, what I can symptom stalking. A girl will eat some bad shellfish at 3 seconds past ovulation and take it as a sign. So I was expecting some big symptoms.

Lucky and unlucky for me, I am not one of those girls. As I said, the only weird thing I had was a heavy feeling in my uterus on 7dpo for half a day. That's it. The month before, when I convinced myself I was pregnant and was going to surprise my husband on his bday, my boobs killed and grew. Well when I really was pregnant, there was no pain, no growth.

At about 4 weeks 6 days my boobs got a little sore, but honestly nothing compared to my false alarm in September. This last about a week or two.

Around 5.5 weeks I started feeling tired. And from about weeks 6-8, I was queasy. I would wake up queasy and it would last until about 1pm, everyday for 2 weeks. And then it went away. I never threw up once.

The only two things that have been consistent are pure exhaustion and not sleeping through the night. A couple times a week, I wake up around 2 or 3am, like it is daylight. I am so awake I could prepare my taxes or clean the house. I stay up for about 2 to 3 hours, then fall asleep.

So in all, I have been exceedingly lucky. The downside is after my experiences with miscarriages, I wanted some symptoms, just to let me know everything was ok with the baby. You can always explain away exhaustion (it is gloomy out, I might be coming down with something). Then on the birth club boards people are writing how they lost 15 pounds from throwing up and I didn't have any food aversions. Also, I had food aversions with a previous pregnancy that only lasted 6.5 weeks, so that freaked me out too, that my hormones were stronger with a doomed pregnancy.

Truly every pregnancy is different and if you are lucky like me to need a few naps and not become intimately acquainted with your bathroom floor, they rock on and don't brag to your friends who did lost 15 pounds those first three months.

Line Judges

2009-12-16T13:11:00.003-06:00

I used to silently mock people who uploaded pictures of a completely unnoticeable line on an HPT and ask others if they saw a line. But then came a woman on babycenter.com who has some innate ability and cool photography computer program who actual found lines where the human eye could not.

Since I was gearing up to go to Italy I had a lot to consider in terms of testing early.

I was leaving at 10dpo, still very early for an HPT.

I was planning to definitely test at 13dpo, because that day we were going wine tasting in Chianti, so I needed to know if I would partake. I also would test on 14dpo because I had to know if I should stop taking progesterone

If I did get a BFP early, I could leave behind my monitor, thermometer, and AF products

Then there were the symptoms or complete lack there of.

On 7dpo, I got this bizarre heavy feeling in my uterus, like a weight was attached to it and I felt very bloated. I knew it was my uterus because it felt similar to how I felt after fibroid surgery when I would go on a long walk. Not pain, just discomfort.

I remember seeing a post on babycenter.com called "heavy feeling in uterus", which is how I would describe what I was feeling. So I checked it out and the vast majority of posters ended up pregnant.

Other than that 8hr stance of weird uterus feelings, I have had zero symptoms.

I had been very tired and having extremely vivid dreams, but I knew this is from the progesterone.

So I thought back to the 2 times I was pregnant and I didn't have any symptoms until my 5th week.

On 8po, my temperature dips .3 degrees, the bare minimum to be consider an implantation dip.

On 9dpo, my temperature returned to my 7dpo level, proving I did have a dip of some kind.

The Results:

I took a dollar tree test (the Pee-in-a-cup kind) and was about to pass it off as negative, when I kinda sorta saw something, a second line. It really was as faint as a line should be. But it was there.

So then I went to get my luggage, where I had packed my First Response Early Result Pregnancy tests.

Luckily, I had used a cup. At the end of the test window I looked. At first glance, you wouldn't see anything, but when you held it just so, a second line appeared.

Part of me thought I made it up, but part of me knew I never made it up before and I have had many many many months of BFNs

What to do:

Given I won't be on American soil for 48 hours, I can't get two beta tests to see if my numbers are going up, but I did want to confirm it so I knew I wasn't crazy.

I called my RE's office on the nurses line.

I got called back an hour and a half later.

I have to say, the nurse was mean. She told me I should postpone my trip because they highly recommend not traveling until the baby is confirmed to be growing in the uterus and doing well. It could be etopic. I really hadn't been worried about it. She said four times there was no point of me going in to confirm pregnancy since I won't be heeding their warning by staying in town, which would allow them to see if my numbers double.

I finally convinced her to let me come in today for a blood test. On the phone I made it clear I was 9dpo so I tested very early.

Later that day, she called back and said, "You are pregnant but your number is very low, 22, so expect to miscarry." I said,"But I am only 9dpo, so that is a good number right?" And she said, "it is very low".

Sorry, but what a bitch. You work for a fertility doctor, anyone who is seeing you has been through hell already in this department, so don't be a world class bitch. I remember I had written a post about early pregnancy betas on my blog so I pulled it up from my phone and my numbers were totally normal. Also, most tests don't test below the number 25 which are designed to be read at 14dpo if not a day or two before, so clearly 22 wasn't a bad number.

I put a call into my doctor and she said since I conceived naturally have no worries about going to Italy and enjoy myself.

Back to the lines, it was really so light that I came out of the bathroom and said, "I might be pregnant". I really thought it could have been bad lighting.

It's Official!

2009-12-16T12:55:00.003-06:00

I am with child. I am sorry for not coming forward sooner, we have just been so on edge given my history and didn't want it coming out to friends/co-workers before we were ready.

I am 13.5 weeks and doing great. I want to thank you for emails, comments, and support along the way. And please don't think I am abandoning those trying because I will never forget my fertility roots.

Here is the brief recap and then I will do more posts on specific things like what to expect at different points.

The day before we left for Italy I wanted to test because I didn't want to lug my monitor, thermometer, notebook for temps, and everything else needed to help me micromanage my fertility. I was 9dpo and used a Dollar Tree test it was a super faint positive (more to come on that) and I then took a First Response Early Result and it was also super faint. I went to the fertility doctor for blood work and got confirmation that day.

Knowing was both exciting and scary. I was very worried it would turn out be a chemical pregnancy. So I was really on edge until that Sunday, when my period was due. Also I was on progesterone, so on one hand it was comforting, on the other hand, I thought my body would keep the baby even if it wasn't going to make (not sure if that was true, but you know how my mind works). The best part about knowing was that we were alone and no one else knew. We spent our days walking the cities and brainstorming baby names.

About 4 days into the trip we decided to table the naming discussion because we cannot agree on anything. He thinks names I like are newfangled, not withstanding them being biblical. But I digress.

When I got back I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks and 5 days. I was worried it would be an empty sac, but I actually say the heartbeat. Tears started streaming down my face and in all honestly, it wasn't joy, it was sheer relief. I then went back every week, to the Re's office for an U/S until 8 weeks and 5 days. At that point she had me go off progesterone and released me to the regular OB.

I had to wait 4 more weeks until my next U/S which was last week where they do the first trimester screening (will explain more in a different post). I was such a wreck going this. I was petrified the baby would have been dead for weeks. Most people think this is irrational but this is exactly what happened to my cousin. Luckily all was good and the baby was kicking up a storm not to mention flipping and punching. It is unreal that this is all going on inside and I can't feel any of it.

So in addition to commenting on the latest wives tales about how to get pregnant, I will share what to expect when you do get pregnant.

Chemical Pregnancies- Nature's Cruel Joke

2009-12-01T08:56:00.002-06:00

My friend's doctor recently told her that she may be experiencing a chemical pregnancy. Given her specific sent of circumstances (beta numbers going up at a very fast rate) I am not sure I agree. That said, I wanted to find out more about chemical pregnancies.

Up until my foray into the world of obsessively TTC, I had never even heard of a chemical pregnancy. Essentially, it is a very early miscarriage. Typically it occurs right around when your period is due. Back in the dark ages, when our parents were trying to have us, they had no clue they were even pregnant. But with early home pregnancy tests, we can find out we are pregnant almost a week before our period is due.

This is one reason some women are against testing early, because you get a positive test, do the happy dance, tell your parents and best friend, and then a couple days later your period arrives.

The most common cause of a chemical pregnancy is a chromosomal abnormality, meaning the baby couldn't have survived. Other reasons are hormonal problems (luteal phase defect), uterine lining abnormalities (such as fibroids), or inadequate uterine lining.

I haven't been able to find in my search what the beta levels are in a chemical pregnancy. One site said a chemical pregnancy occurs when a baby isn't able to be seen on an ultrasound (nothing in the sac). I know from my experiences that my doctor likes to wait until your beta reaches 3000 to do an ultrasound. So by the transitive property I learned in geometry, perhaps a pregnancy that doesn't experience levels of 3000 is considered a chemical pregnancy. This is just my middle-school conjecture, though. It does seem for the ancedotal posts I have read online that numbers tend to be much lower than 3000.

Regardless of how, why, or when it happens, a miscarriage is a miscarriage. The upside for those who have experienced a chemical pregnancy is the knowledge that they can get pregnant. But let's be honest, it still sucks.

Public Service Announcement

2009-12-01T08:45:00.003-06:00

I know this has nothing to do with fertility or getting pregnant, but it is so bizarre I had to share.

Last night I was watching something on CBS and I saw a PSA that was a huge departure from the don't drink and drive and don't do drugs of our generation. I don't want to butcher the words, but it was essentially, "Do you want to do something special for your woman this Christmas? Schedule her for a pap smear. Give her a gift even Santa can't give her."

I thought it was so out of left field, I called my husband over and replayed it. He had a horrified look on his face. It looked like a commercial you would see on Saturday Night Live spoofing public service announcements.

I went to Youtube to find it. I didn't find the one I saw but did find the Hanukkah version. So check it out and maybe send it to you man. In case he was thinking of getting you diamond stud earrings this month, he can now get you an even better gift, a pap smear appointment.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=CBS+PSA+pap+smear&search_type=&aq=f

Being Out Is In

2009-11-22T16:37:00.002-06:00

One of my husband's friends for years has been asking to be present in the delivery room. Sounds like an odd request? Well it is. But his reasoning is he wants to see the size of the baby's head, given my husband comes from a long line of large-headed men. Luckily my husband's bean resembles his mom's side. He also adds that he is a doctor so it is okay if he is there. Clearly I have never taken this request seriously, but he has been asking for about 10 years.

Last night at dinner he point blank asked me if I had been given the green light to try to conceive again. It was nice to be able to honestly answer yes, and not feel weird or like it is some big secret. I cut him off as he was asking his second question, when I quickly add, "and no, you can't be in the delivery room". Foiled again.

Later in the night I was talking to another of my husband's friend about my reflexologist. He want going to see her because of some chronic pain. I asked why he didn't end up going since he had been very interested. Someone else jumped in and asked why I had a reflexologist and I just said, the fibroid/miscarriage thing.

These questions would have sent me into a tizzy 6 months ago. But I have to say being open was way more refreshing and didn't make me uncomfortable.

Coming into the holiday season, I think we might all be faced with some inappropriate or way too personal questions. I will never forget going home one time and my aunt's mom, who has the most adorable Cuban accent, loudly lamented, "Why you have no baby? Next time you come, you bring me the baby!" She was dead serious. Not that this is out of character. Years ago, when I had been dating my now husband for years and years without a ring she woefully chanted in her melodic cadence,"Why you no married, it's time, no?" I said, throwing my cousin under the bus,"Why don't you ask Mikey, he doesn't even have a girlfriend." She stops, thinks, slaps him on the chest and confesses, "Him, I don't worry about, you, I worry".

People just want to the best for us, but sometimes these questions just echo the ones we have in our heads. I guess we should all be thankful that we have people in our lives that care enough to ask the inappropriate question or two. Tact would be nice too, but we can't get greedy.

Doing anything it takes- hilarious

2009-11-02T10:50:00.002-06:00

Someone posted this on babycenter.com and it cracked me up. When you read things like this, don't you feel like you are handling TTC like a rational champ?

Apparently, on Craig's list, they have a best of section. This is one very aggressive TTCer. I respect it and the ice cream sounds enticing.

seeking menstruating short-term friend - w4w

Hi there. I am looking for a friend one who is currently or will soon be on her period. Mine is two weeks late and, while I know I'm not pregnant, I would like to kick-start mine to get back on my normal, lovely schedule. I would prefer it if you have a history of being dominant in these matters (i.e. do you have a history of setting other women's cycles?) so the chances are maximized. Must be willing to spend lots of time in a somewhat small space with me (we can watch cheesy romantic comedies in my walk in closet. or... maybe the living room) so the pheromones (that is the leading theory for why this works, right?) are sure to, uh, transfer (or whatever they do). And if you happen to know a bunch of other women who're also menstruatin', bring them too.

And I know it's hot, so I'm offering to provide as much haagen dazs as it takes to make it through the heat.

Harmful or Helpful

2009-11-02T10:30:00.003-06:00

As the saying goes, information is power. But is too much information going to drive you crazy? I feel like I have learned everything there is about conception, miscarriages, Luteal Phase Defect and more from members on sites like http://www.babycenter.com/.

At different times during this past year and a half, my husband has asked if it is really a good idea for me to spend so much time on these sites. I always defended them vehemently saying it isn't easy to get pregnant and it is helpful to learn as much as I can. Also, I never would have known what Luteal Phase Defect was and my OB sure didn't diagnose me, so now I am being treated for that.

But there are things I have learned that have added anxiety. Like what I refer to as symptom stalk. People will be 3 hours past ovulation and write they are nauseous and must be pregnant. This makes me batty because I might be 12dpo and feeling nothing. And the implantation spotting, don't get me started on how it seems everyone in the world has that pregnancy sign but me. I started to feel that either the people on that site are exponentially more in touch with their bodies than I am, are reading into nothing, or I don't have a shot of being pregnant.

So in these situations, I feel like this information overload gets the best of me.

After the miscarriages, I found I needed a break from it, and signed off for a couple months. Which tells me that not all interactions with these sites are positive.

What's your take on it? Have you ever needed a break from these social networking sites?

Dodging Questions

2009-10-26T14:10:00.004-05:00

If you are like me, and hopefully you aren't, 30 of your closest friends know you are trying. Now since people know (in my case I had surgery and multiple miscarriages, so it became pretty public), they feel they can constantly ask you if you are pregnant.

I think this needs a well-crafted response. It is easy when you aren't to say, "no" or something more self-pitying, like "yeah, right, like that would ever happen to me?". But you need to tread more carefully, because when you are in fact pregnant and not wanting to share, you feel like either you will have to fess up or lie. And then a part of me feels like a lie will doom the pregnancy.

Here are some ideas.
"That would be nice"
"From your lips"
"Did my mom put you up to this?"

What do you have in your arsenal?

H1N1=no fun

2009-10-22T12:28:00.004-05:00

The media has done an outstanding job of scaring the bejesus out of any TTCer, expectant, or nursing mom. The controversy stems on an ingredient in the H1N1 vaccine-thimerosal. This ingredient contains a mercury preservative. While the medical community denounces that mercury leads to autism, Jenny McCarthy firmly believes it. Laughable right? But she managed to galvanize legions of paranoid women and frankly, it seems most of us will at least take pause before rolling up our sleeves.

I did a little investigation into this and the CDC and the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists both strongly recommend vaccination. In fact, on the ACOG website, they actually wrote out a script for OBs to tell their patients. This bothered me. I was hoping for an honest response from my doctor, but I feel I will get a canned answer. I actually have a call into my doctor to hear her take on the the H1N1 vaccine.

http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/vaccination/pregnant_qa.htm http://www.acog.org/departments/dept_notice.cfm?recno=20&bulletin=4983

Because of the Jenny McCarthy army, they are in development of a vaccine without thirmerosal, so it wouldn't contain mercury for doses given to expectant moms and children. I think this is interesting since researchers say mercury doesn't lead to autism.

Here is what the medical community is saying. Pregnant women are at an exponentially higher risk of dying or having serious complications once they contract H1N1 the the general population. Also, infants can't take the medicine until 6 months, so they can at least get in in utero or through breast milk. The medicine is supposedly created the same way the seasonal flu shout is made every year.

I am leaning towards getting it but want to know if I can get the version without thirmerosal. You know, since I get all my medical advice from former Playboy playmates.

Back from Italy!

2009-10-20T05:31:00.004-05:00

Italy was fantastic! I loved every single second of it and it was such a nice break from my constant TTC, over-active mind.

I completely abandoned my Atkins eating. What's a day without pizza and gelato? We walked so much I was able to justify it. In typical male fashion, my charming hubby lost 8 pounds. Who the heck goes to Italy, eats exclusively pizza and pasta and drinks way more than normal and loses 8 pounds? I didn't gain and thought I pulled off a major coup.

Venice was the most beautiful place I had ever seen in my whole life. We did a gondola ride which was the highlight of the trip for me.

What I always forget about when traveling abroad is the cigarette smoke. I have a theory that when a kid turns seven, they shove a cigarette in his mouth and give him a Vespa. I really want to do research on lung cancer rates in Italy, because if the research is true that cigarettes=lung cancer, and I have been raised to believe it is, their occurrence rates must be sky-high.

Even though a Furla store was directly across from my Florence hotel, taunting me with amazing handbags, I really didn't get anything but a belt at the leather mart. Greg bought a bunch of wine.

So what did I miss? Any BFPs?

My Own Personal Babymoon?

2009-10-06T09:38:00.004-05:00

Today is the big day - we are leaving for what is hopefully our babymoon! 10 days in Italy (Florence, Venice and Rome). I have gotten tons of great advice, everything from where to eat to walk on the perimeter on St. Marks Square to steer clear of the legions of pigeons. My cousin said she was literally in tears dealing with the birds.

I won't be able to post while overseas. Feel free to send me comments/emails about topics/products you are interested in having me blog about.

I hope I return to many BFPs from my readers and a bambino on board of my own.

Will keep you posted!

Ciao,

Dana

Questions to Ask Your Fertility Doctor

2009-10-03T14:49:00.007-05:00

I know when I first was told by my OB that I should see a Fertility Doctor, I felt like someone punched me in the gut. I thought I don't really have a fertility problem- I had a fibroid, had it out, and now I will be normal again. Regardless my mom and mother-in-law wear waiting with baited breath for me to see a specialist.

I am so happy I did, because I left with two things: hope and a plan.

There are generic questions that I think everyone should ask and then some more specific questions about your own situation.

When you meet, your doctor will take a very in depth history of your TTC struggle. Make sure to have you OB fax over or deliver a copy of all test results to date (everything from thyroid to blood clotting disorders).

Here are some things to discuss:

Hours of operation: Let's face it, once you go down the assisted reproduction route, you will have lots of appointments. If you have a full-time job, this can be difficult to run out everyday during lunch to see if you sprouted follicles overnight. Many clinics offer testing at 7am and after work hours. Weekend hours are also critical because your ovaries don't take Saturday and Sunday off just because your doctor does. My doctor has morning and evening hours as well as limited weekend hours.

Blood test results: My regular OB takes about 36 hours to get blood test results. As many of you know this is agonizing. At my Fertility Doctor, if you take a blood test by 9am, you get results by 3pm the same day. If you are like most TTCers, this is a huge benefit.

Success Rates: How successful has your doctor been with IUI, IVF, etc. Also, make sure they are citing live births, not just BFPs.

What tests will she run: My RE ran more thyroid tests than my OB had. She also did a genetic screening for diseases, she tested progesterone levels 6dpo and 12dpo, and a second HSG. This is particularly important if you have unexplained infertility.

Accessibility: My doctor prides herself on speaking to you the day of your call. In fact, she asks that you leave her a message when you go in for blood tests, so she can call you as soon as results are in. It is also fairly easy to get a hold of her nursing staff.

Costs: Like me, many people have no fertility insurance. Get an idea of what procedures cost. My doctor didn't let me get to far ahead of myself so we only talked about the costs of Clomid+trigger+IUI, which she thought with all the monitoring would be around $1000 with no insurance. Find out if you pay upfront if you get a discount or if they have payment plans.

What's her plan for you: My doctor had a clear plan, try for four months, if not pregnant, we will get my husband tested, start clomid (IUI if I wanted) and if that didn't work after a couple months, we would do IUI. After the discovery of my Luteal Phase Defect last month, the plan has revised. We will try for a total of two more months naturally + progesterone after ovulation, and if that doesn't work, clomid+IUI+progesterone. You want to leave knowing how many times you will try each step until moving on to your next options.

Does your doctor trust your gut: All along I felt I had a luteal phase problem and my OB attributed it to poor ovulation. My RE respectfully disagreed and I was proved right last month when I started off with a great progesterone number and it tanked. My OB would have forced me to take clomid while the RE said let's try supporting the Luteal Phase with progesterone before we put clomid in the mix.

What else can I do to help me get pregnant: she might suggest baby aspirin, b-6 vitamins, progesterone, lose or gain weight, more exercise, less exercise, a specific diet

At what point do I go back to my OB: For me, as soon as I get my blessed bfp, after calling the Chicago Tribune and my third grade social studies teacher, I will call my regular OB to let her know that I am pregnant and set up a 12 or 13 week appointment. My RE will keep me until 9 weeks when she can confirm my baby has a strong, healthy heartbeat.

How do you treat recurrent miscarriages: If this has been an issue for you, find out if you will get additional screenings and what she does to try and sustain pregnancy.

How does she feel about pregnancy reduction: This is a good question to ask yourself and discuss with your man. It is proven that carrying multiples increases the risk of health problems for mom and babies. Some doctors don't want a mom to carry more than twins while others will feel comfortable with you carrying many more. Discuss her stance. This is a reality you will have to discuss since many fertility drugs stimulate the creation of multiple follicles.

I will end with this bit of advice. A friend of mine who is about 12 years older than I am went through fertility hell to get her daughter. She told me to go to a fertility doctor about 4 months before I did. She said just do whatever it takes to get a baby and don't waste time. She said she wished someone would have told her that when she started. I didn't take her advice because I was hell-bent on doing it naturally. And now I am sitting her absolutely agreeing with her. I honestly don't know what I was trying to prove with my puritanical approached to trying to conceive.

This morning I was on the phone with my sister-in-law. She was two weeks behind me in pregnancy with her second. Obviously, mine didn't work out. I have a beautiful baby niece now. As we were talking, I could hear my niece making the cutest sounds enjoying cereal, her new found food. It is times like this where it just hits me. The baby I was pregnant with last year would have been 6 months old and in all this time, I am not even pregnant.

So if you are on the fence about going to the fertility doctor, I say what do you have to lose other than months of frustration. While it might be scary to hear there is something wrong with you or sometimes worse, we can't find anything wrong with you, it is important that you have this ally. A fertility doctor is dedicated to getting you and keeping you pregnant, simple as that.

Understanding Semen Anaylsis Results

2009-09-29T15:38:00.007-05:00

Time to share the blame! Approximately a third of all fertility issues in a couple are attributed to semen problems. It is easy to assume that if you aren't getting pregnant, it is your fault, but it is definitely beneficial to get your man checked out before starting invasive procedures or taking fertility drugs. In fact, both my fertility doctor and OB insist on a semen analysis before prescribing clomid.

How it works:

He collects a sample. Depending on distance from lab, you might be able to collect it at home and bring it in immediately (within one hour). They don't want it getting too cold or too hot. It is recommended you hold it against your body to keep it at the right temperature. The lab might insist he provide a sample in their office. They will give him a private room to "collect" himself.

Your OB or Fertility Doctor can write the orders for the semen analysis. Otherwise, he can see a urologist.

He might be asked to abstain for ejaculation for 2 to 5 days prior to the test. His doctor or lab will provide specific restrictions. However, they typically want you to have sex within two weeks of the test to insure the sperm are active.

What it shows:

The results will show if he has a healthy quantity and quality of sperm.

Normal Results:

Volume of ejaculate (how much semen is present in one ejaculation): 2.0 ml or more

pH (the acidity or alkalinity of the semen): 7.2-8.0

Sperm concentration: 20 million per ml spermatozoa or more

Total sperm count (amount of sperm in 1ml of semen): 40 million per ml spermatozoa per ejaculate or more

Motility (percentage of sperm that can move forward): 60% or more with forward progression

Morphology (percentage of sperm that have a normal shape): 30% or more with normal forms

Vitality: 7 5% or more live,i.e.,excluding dye

White blood cells (white blood cells normally aren't present in semen): fewer than 1 million per ml

Terms used to discussed results:

normozoospermia: results are normal

oligozoospermia: low sperm count

asthenozoospermia: poor sperm motility

teratozoospermia: sperm have more morphological defects than usual

oligoasthenoteratozoospermia: signifies disturbance of all three variables above

azoospermia: no sperm is semen

aspermia: absence of semen

Bad results, now what:

The information from the semen analysis will help your fertility doctor determine the best way to treat. Some situations require surgery, however drug treatments or assisted fertility (IUI, IVF) might just do the trick.

Sources: www.med-direct.com, www.webmd.com, www.wikipedia.com

Dealing With Pregnant Friends

2009-09-29T13:38:00.011-05:00

Never do you see as my pregnant women as when you are have trouble getting pregnant. My big joke is stick with me and you will be pregnant soon because everyone I know is either pregnant, has a newborn, or just announced they are trying for baby #3.

People take different approaches to dealing with this pregnant people everywhere I go phenomena (or what I will refer to as PPEIGP). I personally found handling the PPEIGP was easier for me when people knew my story on my own terms. If I had told them about the miscarriages and surgery, I felt like, okay, it is out there. In these situations I feel mostly at ease.

However, when it isn't on my terms, I want to run and hide under something fertile. Such as last week. I was at my in-laws house for a family get together. I had asked my MIL not to tell the family about my surgery and miscarriages. She forced my hand at telling her sister-in-law. I begrudgingly gave in with the stipulation that her SIL not tell her kids and daughters-in-law. Well it was very obvious everyone knew and no one said anything to me. Awkward. Then my MIL's friend's daughters came in, both pregnant, and the entire focus of the crowd turned to kids and pregnancy. It literally gave me a headache. Everyone was saying how fun for sisters to be pregnant together. Seems my entire family all forgot I was pregnant at the same time as my sister-in-law, 2 weeks apart. This time, I just wanted to bolt.

If you haven't guessed, I am pretty much an opened book. I appreciate that not everyone is the same way. So I would recommend telling people that you feel comfortable with who can help steer conversation in such situations.

For me, it also depends how supportive a friend has been prior to their pregnancy. My best friend has been truly the most supportive friend in the world during my year of drama. She got pregnant her first shot and I don't feel an ounce of jealousy. It is really because I can still say anything to her. I can make comments about everyone in the world getting pregnant on their first shot, how insensitive so-and-so was, and every other thought I should probably keep to myself. She told me within 12 hours of getting her BFP. It wasn't like some dramatic announcement where she was trying to break the news. This I appreciated.

Tips for dealing with PPEIGP:

Be a hermit in moderation: It is okay to remove yourself from situations that might be upsetting (a girls night in where everyone is pregnant but you) but don't make it a habit. If you just found out your husband has no sperm and you have the eggs of 65 year old, all in the same day, take a breather. Otherwise, don't shut out all your friends because they are happy.
Think Ahead: Try to remember that you very well could be pregnant next month and then you would feel happy for your friends, so feel happy for them now, and your time will come.
Enjoy the things you can do and they can't: drink, have caffeine, eat tuna to your heart's content, plan a romantic weekend, sleep in, and enjoy a whole movie without having to take 3 bathroom breaks.
Stay off Facebook: This one has helped me immensely. People from high school are announcing their second and third pregnancies. Others got married 6 months ago and are already telling 300 of their closest friends that they are expecting. Also, the constant pregnancy symptom updates and polling of other moms for opinions puts me over the edge. One girl posted pictures of herself sitting on a stool in a hospital shower- part of her natural child birth. I am not making this up.
Fake Fun Till you Make One: When a friend tells you she is pregnant, it probably will sting. Put on a happy face if one doesn't naturally spring forth. Act the way you would want someone to act when you make your announcement. When you have time alone, get upset. Talk to your husband, mom, or your best friend. Is it selfish? Yeah. But is it completely understandable? Of course. And the three people that love you most will get it too. In my experience, moms and best friends understand it much more and I mean much more than husbands.
If it is too much, say something: If you have a friend that can prattle on about every detail to the point you want to stab her eyes out with an OPK, say something. Just say that you are so happy for her and her husband, but you have been having some trouble and it is a little hard to hear. Obviously you want to be there for her and know all the big milestones, but the daily play by play is a bit too hard to handle. And end with, "I am sure you understand." What can she say to that?
Awkward is a Two-Way Street: If you have disclosed to your friend that you are having trouble and she has a modicum of social grace, she might feel unsure of what and how much to tell you. You might be fine hearing she and her hubby had a screaming match in Babies R' Us over espresso or white furniture but knowing he is calling the fetus "schmoopie junior" could be a bit much. Have one uncomfortable conversation to avoid 9 months of them. Or just ask specific questions about her pregnancy journey so the information comes on your terms.
It is Okay to be Sad: You are entitled to be upset. I remember countless times I put on a happy face when hanging out with pregnant friends that had no idea what I was going through. As soon as we got in the car, the sadness would just hit me. My husband didn't get it and thought I was a bad friend. But it wasn't about them. It was about me and things not working out how I had hoped. Take the old dumping standard, "it's not you, it's me" and apply it to the feelings you are having now. In you heart of hearts, you don't really want a friend to be having fertility problems, you just don't want them yourself.
Keep the faith: Just know your time will come. Even if it means fertility treatments or adoption, you can and will be a mom. It just might take longer than you expected.

While pregnancy is the only known cure for PPEIGP, I am hopeful these tips can help you deal with ever-expanding pregnant population.

Can Cough Medicine Lead to a BFP?

2009-09-27T09:32:00.013-05:00

Anyone who is anyone in trying to conceive knows the importance of EWCM (egg white cervical mucus). It is the holy grail of CM because it means you are most fertile. What distinguishes EWCM for other CMs, besides it being well timed with ovulation, is its actual physical properties. It is thin and stretchy, allowing sperm to travel more freely in its journey to your egg.

Some people fret because they don't create enough EWCM. Those who take clomid might notice their cm dries up or becomes thick, making it difficult for sperm to reach the egg. TTCers have thought of any and everything to combat such problems. One of the more interesting approaches is cough medicine.

It makes sense to me. When you have chest congestion or a cough, you take cold medicine to break up the congestion, or mucus in your lungs. There is an ingredient in cough medicine that is responsible for this: Guaifenesin. This is an expectorant that thins mucus in the lungs, allowing you to cough it up. The medicine can't distinguish between lung or cervical mucus. It works systemically, so it will affect all mucus membranes, including cervical mucus. This ingredient causes CM to thin out and become more stretchy, allowing sperm better transport through the cervix.

Not all cough medicines are created equal. Per my research, you want the only active ingredient to be Guaifensesin. I can't stress this enough because other ingredients can actually dry up CM. I looked at a ton of Robitussin and Mucinex products and they are not interchangeable. Some cough medicines don't contain Guaifenesin at all. Some have too many active ingredients that can dry up CM. Others don't contain enough Guaifensin. According to the cough medicine wives tale, you need 600 mg of Guaifensin. I could only find Robitussin up to 200mg, while the Mucinex has 600mg per dose (take 2 a day). Also, Robitussin is a syrup and Mucinex is in pill form. I personally would be more inclined to try the Mucinex for this reason alone.

After researching this, the only product I would recommend is Mucinex Expectorant with 600mg of Guaifensesin. I included a link at the bottom of this entry.

From my reading the recommended dosage is to take Mucinex daily for the 5 days before your expected ovulation and stop the day after ovulation. Typical daily doses are 1200mg for the day.

If you have high blood pressure, thyroid issues, or take medicines you think might have a negative interaction, you might want to check with your doctor before trying this approach. In general, it is a good idea to check with your doctor before taking "unnecessary" medicines.

Where do Babies come from?

2009-09-25T11:03:00.002-05:00

I saw this funny video today posted on babycenter.com. Check it out.

The Pineapple Pregnancy Theory

2009-09-25T07:26:00.007-05:00

Are we all just grabbing at straws? The things women attribute their pregnancies to is getting crazier the longer I prowl the boards. But by far the most seemingly-ridiculous theory is that of the Pineapple.

It is said that this tasty fruit contains an enzyme called Bromelain, that breaks up proteins that inhibit implantation of a fertilized egg. Now it is important to note that following this pineapple regime is not exclusively centered on the juicy goodness of the whole pineapple, you also have to eat the pineapple core, which contains a higher concentration of Bromelain.

This tentative theory includes specific instructions of when to eat the pineapple based on the method of conception. Here goes.

IVF: divide a whole pineapple into 5 portions. Eat a portion a day over five days, beginning on the day of your embryo transfer.

IUI: divide a whole pineapple into 5 portions. Eat a portion a day over five days, beginning on the day of your IUI.

Old-fashioned Intercourse: divide a whole pineapple into 5 portions. Eat a portion a day over five days, beginning on the day after ovulation.

Apparently, it is important not to eat pineapple prior to ovulation because it is acidic and can affect your CM.

I couldn't find any scientific studies centered around the pineapple-pregnancy link, but did discover yet other uses of the multi-tasking pineapple. It may induce labor, clean wounds, and tenderize meat.

I am all for non-invasive ways to help TTC but this sounds like an old wives tale. If you swear by the Pineapple Pregnancy Theory or have tried it and alas, the spiky fruit didn't result in a baby, I would love to hear.

What the Heck is an Instead Cup?

2009-09-22T10:25:00.007-05:00

I keep seeing on babycenter.com that people are using Instead Cups to get sperm closer to the cervix in the hopes of conceiving. I hadn't ever heard of an Instead Cup.

Turns out is is a feminine hygiene product (ala tampons and pads) but it looks more like a condom with a plastic rim on it. The intended use is to insert it during your period to collect blood. You can leave it in for 12 hours.

However, industrious conceivers have found a new use. After sex, you insert the Instead Cup by squeezing the ends together it pushing it back (versus up, like a tampon). Hours later, you remove the cup. Apparently it is ridged so there is something to grab on to when removing it. Taking it a step further, some TTCers fill it will Pre-Seed to help the sperm get where it needs to go. Also, I have read people use it when they have hostile CM, to help the sperm move more freely.

I have seen the costs range from $6.75 (see below) to $12.00 for 14 cups. You would seemingly need 4 cups per month, one a day during your fertile window.

Newbies tend to border on panic attack before using the Instead Cups, because of the fear of how to get it in and even more alarming, how to get it out. Veterans say it is so easy. It might be worth a practice run. I did a brief Internet search to find first hand experiences. Someone posted that they have used it for all three pregnancies, clearly worked. Another avid fan advises that after sex, lie with you feet up for 5 to 10 minutes, then grab the cup and insert it while still lying down. Then when you wake up in the morning take it out. If you are using during the day, some advise it is only necessary for 2 to 3 hours, but no harm in waiting the full 12 hours. Another veteran added that you should insert it while still lying in bed, get up and go to the bathroom (to avoid the dreaded UTI) and then get back in bed.

As with most products, there is a slew of people saying they tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant for many months, used the Instead Cups, and got pregnant their first shot. Just another weapon in our arsenal against a BFN.

The Cost of Doing Baby Business

2009-09-21T15:59:00.005-05:00

The birds do it. The bees do it. So why does it cost me so much to try and do it? This is alarming and may my husband never see this post. I decided to calculate what it costs me to try and conceive each month. A conservative estimate is $405.

Calculation Notes: this is based on where I currently am in my quest for baby. At times, I was using 20 sticks a month for my monitor given my long cycles but now I am basing on 10 since my cycle is short. However, now I will be using progesterone and will be getting multiple blood tests at the doctors, not covered by insurance. Previously I was seeing the Reflexology 2 times a week at $65 a piece, now I see her every 10 days. Also, I am using supplies I had previously bought, but have since found better prices on products (that I have shared on links throughout the site) so in the very unfortunate event that I would need to try again after this cycle, I will have some savings there.

Costs:

Prescription Pre-natal vitamins: $10

Prescription progesterone 20 day supply: $20

Home Pregnancy Tests (2): $20

Clearblue Easy Digital Ovulation Kit: $39

Clearblue Easy Monitor Sticks (10 of 30 used monthly): $14

B6 Vitamin: $3

Calcium with vitamin D: $2

Baby Aspirin: $2

Reflexology (3 Sessions): $195

Blood tests at Doctor (haven't seen bill for 3 tests last month so estimate): $100

TOTAL: $405

This comes out to almost $5,000 a year. I certainly have paid more than that considering my HSGs, MRI, countless blood tests, doctor appointments, costs associated with surgery. This doesn't even take into account costs that I might one day need to pay for IUI, trigger shot drugs, and monitoring. I am so incredibly hopeful it won't come to that.

I never really sat down and thought about the actual dollars it was costing us to try to conceive. We have definitely paid an emotional toll and made concessions in our lives about things we won't do (travel) or for me eat/drink (diet coke with lots of lemons, bad carbs, and anything that could remotely give me a buzz).

Looking at my list of expenses, I am not willing to give anything up. I could forgo the OPKs since I have the monitor, but I like to make sure I know when I am ovulating. I could cut back on the reflexology, but I do feel like it is helping.

The conclusion- I should buy stock in ClearBlue Easy and shield my husband from the reality of what it is costing us to get pregnant. I could just use one HPT a month, but who are we kidding, there isn't a chance in hell I could hold out until 14dpo. I might have to make a trip to a Dollar Tree. I hope there is one within city limits. I guess TTC is good practice for having a kid- they are expensive and what a bonus when I actually am pregnant. We can sock all this money away for the Pottery Barn furniture I have been using to decorate the nursery in my mind for the last two years.

Conceptionmoons- the Romantic Trip to end all Romantic Trips

2009-09-20T09:24:00.004-05:00

The travel industry is abuzz with the new must do vacations: conceptionmoons and babymoons.
A conceptionmoon is relaxing, romantic getaway you plan with the hopes of conceiving on the trip. A babymoon is the trip you take once you are pregnant, before the baby comes, as sort of your last hurrah as a couple.

While there is a clear upside to baby and conception moons (fab trip), there are also many detractors.

Babycenter.com did a conceptionmoon survey and reported that 40% of respondents got pregnant on their conceptionmoon. What I find most astounding, and maybe this is because I have an irregular cycle, is how people were able to plan their trip in advance around their ovulation. They found couples typically spent $1700 for the trip, but felt it was worth it after an average of 8 months trying to conceive.

I came across a blogger who was outraged by Babycenter’s study. First, she pointed out that it was sponsored by Clearblue Easy and second, she felt it perpetuated the myth that if you just stop stressing, a baby will be magically implanted in your uterus.

A couple weeks ago, I saw on CNN, that a resort was offering couples who conceive at their resort a free stay the following year.

This post is quite timely for me. In April, when we found out that I lost a second pregnancy, would likely need surgery, and might have to wait up to 6 months to conceive afterwards, we decided to plan a big trip. For the last year, we had put travel plans on hold, because I assumed I would be pregnant and didn’t want to be on a cruise, doing something adventurous, or being too far away from home. When we got this bout of bad news, I told my husband that I needed something to look forward to instead of dreading those 6 months.

We decided to go on a big trip and go all out. We are going to Italy for 10 days in October. We are starting in Florence, then Venice, and ending in Rome. I cannot begin to tell you how excited we are. We figured we wouldn’t be able to take a trip like this for years. We wouldn’t feel right about leaving kids with our parents for 2 weeks and we wouldn’t want to take kids to Europe until they were at least ten and could appreciate it. Even still, it will be a second honeymoon for us.

I have already explicitly told him that I think he should re-propose to be on a gondola in Venice. I keep saying it and saying it and I think he thinks I am joking, but no, I am not. I am that sappy and needy.

Even if conception and baby moons are just the latest ploy from the suffering travel industry, what’s the harm? Worst case scenario, you don’t end up pregnant but have a fantastic trip.
As for my trip, I am looking at it like a babymoon. This will be the last big trip we take before having kids. It would have been great if it coincided with my fertile period, but it won’t. I will find out in Italy if I am pregnant. If I am not, it will be an easier blow to take when I can go wine tasting in Chianti or eat unpasteurized cheese to my stomach’s content. Plus by the time I get home, I will have only one more week to wait to try again. Of course, I would much prefer to come back with a bambino on board.

Preseed: What you Need to Know

2009-09-20T08:09:00.004-05:00

If you spend your days learning from other TTCers how to best up your chances for conception, you have probably come across a product called Pre-Seed . Pre-Seed is a lubricant that mimics your natural cervical fluids. Unlike most lubricants, it is sperm friendly (some lubes actually kill sperm or decrease their motility even though they aren't labeled as spermicides). Pre-Seed makes the sperm's journey to the egg and easier ride. It was actually formulated to aid in conception.

People swear by it. My friend used it and got pregnant the first time. Personally, I have never tried it. It is particularly helpful for people on clomid. Clomid changes the chemistry of your CM, making it thicker and harder for the sperm to travel.

Customer comments on Amazon are very favorable but some people caution it isn't a magic baby pill. People like that it is easy to use (comes with applicator) and doesn't feel sticky. There are a good number of people that say they got pregnant their first shot using Pre-Seed . One person wrote she had been trying to conceive for 5 years, even tried clomid in vain. She used Pre-Seed and fell pregnant. Another person wrote on drugstore.com that she tried for a year, and then used Pre-Seed and got pregnant. The majority of posters said they got pregnant with Pre-Seed.

In terms of price, I have seen it cost as much as $19.99 however, I found this link for just $16.50. This comes with 6 applicators. So it seems like a month's supply.

Based on the testimonials I have read, if you have been frustrated and are contemplating more invasive steps (clomid, IUI) then this might be an easy, cheap thing to try first. Also, if you tend to not have a good amount of fertile CM, this might be exactly what you need. Based on the testimonials, I am more inclined to use it than before.

Let me know if you have used it and did or didn't have success.

The Grass is Almost Always Greener

2009-09-16T17:15:00.006-05:00

I am a pretty optimistic person. I always try to see the good in people and with my whole heart, I believe in happy endings. I always think in a movie the estranged couple will get back together, the sick will be cured, and believe that the out-of-work dad will become a millionaire.

Since my latest round of bad fertility news last week (progesterone levels crashed in luteal phase), I have been in an overly-indulgent, self-pitying, whoa-is-me funk. For the first time, I started questioning if it would ever happen for me. After going through so many obstacles, I felt like I had a clean bill of health and would get pregnant first chance I got. Since clearly this isn't the case, I allowed myself to get negative and let me tell you I was in the weeds.

And then last week, bad things started happening around me. My friend's dad died. My other friend's sister died along with the baby she was carrying who would have been born next month leaving behind two kids. My friend who lost her father has two kids. I realized I would much rather be in the situation I am in than the one she is facing.

Last Friday, I was speaking to my friend and she said that there have been many times where she questioned why is she single when everyone else is married. She thought I am a good person, I do charitable work, and I deserve it. She said she would cry herself to sleep many a night. And then she met her husband and they are perfect for each other.

I, too, have articulated the same thoughts to my husband. I am a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend, I volunteer, I am kind to strangers, so why me? Why can't I have a baby but crack heads and people who are conniving or mean-spirited are blessed with children?

I am just as guilty as anyone to think someone has it made because they have a kid. Just as my insightful friend thought all of her married friends had it made. But there is almost always more to the story. My dad, in an effort to cheer me up said, "Dana, kids are great, but they aren't the end all be all. They require work and patience. It isn't all rosy." I like to think he was talking about my sister (sort of kidding).

But he had a point. It is near to impossible to have a real phone conversation with my friends with kids. They are constantly putting me on hold to scold one of them, to comfort a crying child, or in an alarmingly quick voice say, "I have to call you back", because someone just got hurt. We don't have to worry about getting or paying for a sitter on a weekend, staying out late, or sleeping in. There are benefits to not having kids. Our approach should be to relish this time, because kids will soon be in tow.

This certainly wasn't the path I thought I would be on to motherhood, but it will make me a better, more appreciative mother. It has revealed to me the strength of my relationship with my husband, though I admittedly have driven him nuts. He always tells me we aren't trying to meet a deadline. He is right. I can't stop life to create one.

TTC and The Toll it Takes on Marriage

2009-09-15T14:18:00.005-05:00

While I am probably skewing the results of my latest poll by publishing this, I am struck by the resounding consensus of us TTCers. This week I asked "how on board is your husband or signficant other about TTC? "

As of the day I published this, every single respondent, myself included said, "All for it, but he thinks I am a bit crazy about TTC".

I started thinking why is this? And I realized for the first time that woman are fertile about a day or two a month. Men are fertile every single day. Right off the bat this disparity puts a lot of pressure on the woman. It is easy to jump to conclusions that there is something wrong with you if you aren't pregnant within a couple months. Since fertility is so fleeting each month for women, some of us become militant about having well-timed intercourse. I have seen much advice dispensed about just initiating and not telling him you are in your fertility window.

This doesn't fly for many and definitely not in my relationship. There is about 0 to 2% chance I could actually keep from my husband that I was peaking. And with my luck, if I were playing it all coy, he would be too tired from work and refuse my advances. Then I would have a melt down and we would end up having awkward, perfunctory, baby-making sex. So for me, honesty is the best policy. While we don't want to make our men feel like baby factories, there is a bit of planning required to get the job done right.

I have had friends text me at 1 in the morning filled with ire because their husbands wouldn't man up during their peak and this resentment spills over into their everyday lives.

Another area that causes tension is when getting pregnant is taking longer than you expected. It is easy to blame yourself and I think a lot of woman fear their husbands will blame them. Also, some men are very resistant to getting a sperm analysis or even IUI or IVF because they want to physically deliver the sperm.

Finally, the next area of baby-making tension is financial. The idea of starting a family can be daunting for a man. In addition to another mouth to feed, big decisions need to be made, such as should one of you stay home with the child, day care or nanny, public school or private school, bigger car, college... I could go on and on. This pressure tends to way heavily on the minds of our husbands.

Here are some tips to keep things harmonious while trying to conceive:

Manage expectations: Have a discussion that TTC can be a long process. Both agree that you will give it a set amount of time before you start getting tested (i.e. 6 months, 1 year, etc) and getting crazy with the whole process.
Set a game plan: Determine if it came to it, what would you both be comfortable doing. Discuss Clomid, IUI, IVF, Surrogacy, and Adoption. If you both know you are want a biological child more than anything, than you can feel more secure you have science in your corner. If on the other hand, you know both of you prefer to have a child naturally, but if it can't happen, you are both happy to adopt, that can take a lot of pressure off. Are you comfortable with twins? Triplets?
Don't forget your marriage comes first: When you got married you weren't handed a certificate entitling you to a baby. You married your man because you loved him and enjoyed his company. Don't look at your husband as a means to an end.
Give him a science lesson: explain to your husband that there is a fertile period and a short window of time each month. Unless you normally have sex every other day, just leaving things up to "what happens happens" isn't going to make the zealous TTCer comfortable. Get commitment upfront that your DH is willing, tired or not, to have sex during your peak times.
Spare the details: guys don't want to know you have your period, your egg has been released, and you are having cramps. Keep some boundaries.
Make a budget: look into how much day care/nannies cost in your area. Scope out some furniture you like on the web and talk to friends to see how much preparing for a baby cost. Look at your salaries and see what you can afford (staying home, day care, nanny). If you can show by the numbers that you can afford to have the baby, it might put his mind at ease.
Laugh with each other: Learn to laugh at how crazy you get about TTC. If you can both laugh at it, it will ease the tension.
Accept that it is different for you: Even though you both want a child, odds are you want it more than he does. You are willing to do whatever it takes, and he has no problem skipping a month. He isn't going to be mopey for 3 days after you get your period. It is just different. Don't judge him for not caring enough, it is a battle he can't win.
Enjoy being just a couple: Go on that fabulous vacation you haven't had the chance to take or something more local like dancing or cooking classes together. Go to concerts or fancy dinners, because pretty soon you will be paying a babysitter for a night out on the town and you will fill guilty dropping the kids at your mom's for two weeks so that you can tour Europe.
Tell him what you need: Guys don't necessarily know how to make it better. If they say, "it'll happen one day" we think they don't care enough and if they say "I can't believe it didn't happen this month" we think they are insensitive and doesn't he know that is only going to make me feel worse. Tell him what will comfort you, "There is no rush, it will happen, we will have our baby". My husband asks me, "does it really matter if we are 50 or 51 when our child goes to college?" That is a good perspective because right now it seems so dire, but when you project the situation 20 years in the future, it doesn't seem like such a big deal.
Tell your husband what kind of dad he will be: Help him share you vision by telling him what a great dad you think he will be. I picture my husband being a great little league coach. We often fight over which subjects we can help our kids with in school. Though we are both academic nerds, Greg was admittedly a slightly, and I mean slightly better student. As such, he feels he is better equipped to handle history, math, and English. I was relegated art and music. Neither of us want science - our shared least favorite subject.

Now I just need to practice what I preach.

What tips do you have for calming the craziness and keeping the peace while trying to conceive?

Implantation Signs: Dips and Spotting

2009-09-09T14:16:00.009-05:00

Although roughly only a 1/3 of all pregnancies start with implantation bleeding, it is one of those signs that TTCers love to over-analyze.

Bleeding before you period could be taken as a bad sign (short LP, low progesterone, hormone imbalance) and a dip in temperatures could signify that progesterone is losing its battle with estrogen and your period is on its way.

Perhaps reading into luteal phase spotting or temperature declines helps ease are minds during the TWW.

There is however, scientific evidence that some people do experience implantation signs. Implantation is defined as the fertilized egg attaching to the uterine wall.

Here is the what, why, and when.

Implantation Dip:

What: A drop in temperatures during your luteal phase
Why: Progesterone is the predominate hormone in the first part of your luteal phase. It causes your body temperature to go up. During the course of the luteal phase, estrogen kicks back in, causing temps to decline, but if implantation occured, the corpus luteum is rescued, and progesterone is back in charge. This brief balance of power causes the temperature dip. It is typically defined as at least a 0.3 drop in temperature for just one day.
When: Typically 7-10dpo (this is an average so could be earlier or later).
What else you need to know: Just because you have a temperature drop during this time frame, does not mean you are pregnant. Charts that have temp dips are more prevalent on charts resulting in pregnancy versus just ovulatory charts. On the flip, just because you do not have a dip, does not mean that you won't be pregnant. According to a study by fertilityfriend.com, the most common days for a temp dip are 7-8dpo and 23% of pregnancy charts had an implantation dip.

Implantation Spotting (AKA implantation bleeding):

What: Light spotting for a brief period of time during the luteal phase
Why: A result of the fertilized egg burrowing into the uterine wall
When: Typically 8 to 12 dpo
What I need to know: Like luteal phase temperature dips, spotting in the luteal phase does not mean you are pregnant, it is just a pattern more common on pregnancy charts than ovulatory charts. If you don't have implantation, you still have a great shot of being pregnant. Implantation spotting occurs in about 1/3 of pregnancies. Typically it is pinkish or brown in color, although it could look like blood. It is lighter than menstrual bleeding. It generally lasts for one to two days. Often it is mistaken for a period because it occurs close to the time your cycle should start.

I haven't found research about what comes first, implantation spotting or implantation dip. I looked at myriad charts in fertilityfriend.com's chart gallery and what I discovered was often they occured the same day. Implantation dips were more likely to precede implantation bleeding.

Once the fertilized egg implants, it starts creating HCG, the pregnancy hormone that pregnancy tests check for. I have tried in vain to find a definitive answer as to how soon you would get a positive pregnancy test. From what I found, it runs the gamut from 2 days to 1 week. The majority of sites say wait at least 4 to 5 days. The agony of waiting!

I would love to hear if you had implantation spotting, dips, and how long you needed to wait to get a BFP!

Natural Gender Selection: Choosing the Sex of Your Baby

2009-09-07T13:53:00.007-05:00

I have heard old wives tales about choosing your baby's gender and the TTC chatrooms are all a buzz with phrases like "The Shettles Method".

Personally, I am of the mindset of just wanting a healthy baby. I really don't care if I will be picking out my child's wedding dress one day with her or see him pitching for the Cubs (my husband already informed me if we have a left-handed boy, we are paying for private pitching lessons).

I know some people really care. I have a friend now that is really upset she is having a boy. Obviously she is thrilled to be pregnant but just wanted to buy frilly clothes. A lot of my friends say they wouldn't know what to do with a boy. Another good friend of mine was over the moon about having a girl but her husband is sorely disappointed.

Lucky for me, neither of us care whether we have a boy or a girl. I see all over the net people ending their signatures with "hoping for blue" or "thinking pink". If they would broadcast such stake-in-the-ground statements, then they are likely trying to do gender selection at home.

Here is what I found out.
- The Shettles Method
- This is built on the premise that female sperm is slower than male sperm, but
hardier. It can survive more days without fertilization. Male sperm is quick
and is racing to get to the egg. However, it is built of weaker stock and
can't live as long without being fertilized.
- Based on these purported facts, have sex several days(2-4)before ovulation for a
girl, since the male sperm will die off and all that is left will be female
sperm. Have sex on ovulation day (preferably within 12 hours of ovulation)so
the male sperm beat out the female sperm in this fertility footrace.
- Doctor Shettles, who created the method of gender selection, claims he has a 75%- 90% success rate (seemed like a large range to me)

Aside from not finding any scientific proof to back this up, I would find you need to be pretty patient to use this method if your heart is set on having a girl. You would have far fewer opportunities to have sex and conceive a child. I saw a study on in-gender.com and it ranked the Shettles Method a C- for accuracy having a girl and D for having a boy. It did say that you are likely to take advantage of your fertility when practicing Shettles for a boy (since sex is well timed with ovulation).

HCG Levels in Early Pregnancy

2009-09-03T17:14:00.005-05:00

During the two week wait, we are often tempted to test early, but there is always the fear of being completely disheartened by a false negative pregnancy test.

I came across this info on http://www.fertilityplus.org/ that lists out the average HCG level by days past ovulation during the TWW.

I have to question this data though, because that would mean the majority of pregnancy tests would detect pregnancy at 10dpo. Most home pregnancy tests detect HCG levels of 25. This does make me think more about testing early. What do you think?

How Many DPO can you Experience Pregnancy Symptoms and Indicators?

2009-09-01T09:43:00.009-05:00

There are few things as exhilarating as interpreting little nuances in your body as signs of pregnancy. The question remains, is there any merit to these signs so early in a pregnancy?

Researches suggest most people don't experience signs of pregnancy until the 5th or 6th week. Most active TTCers start over-analyzing everything at what would be 3 or 4 weeks, if they were in fact pregnant.

According to fertilityfriend.com, implantation, or when the fertilized egg burrows into the uterine wall, typically happens 7 to 10dpo. This is an average so it could be earlier or later. The website contends some people might have implantation signs such as:

light spotting around 7-10 dpo (implantation bleeding)

a second thermal shift (i.e. triphasic chart for those tracking temps) that occurs between 7 and 10dpo. Note of caution, I once had a clear triphasic chart and was not pregnant.

Implantation dip or a single temp drop for one day between 7 and 10dpo

I than found the pregnancy-symptom obsesser's dream on countdowntopregnancy.com. They have charts were you can look up a symptom, like cramps, and see when pregnant people (their members) experienced these symptoms. From their sample of users, the most common early pregnancy symptoms as follows:

Fatigue/Exhaustion: I have experienced this, but during the fifth week. I had to come home from work and sleep for 30 minutes before cooking dinner.

Mild/Dull Cramps/Pressure: some experience cramping as early as implantation (6-12 dpo). This includes twinges and pinching/pulling. I have experienced these twinges and the nurse said it was the uterus expanding.

Constipation or feeling bloated

As much as I want to believe in these signs, I have not been accurate in predicting my own pregnancy chances. Take last November. It was our first cycle trying after the miscarriage the previous August. I was about 10dpo when we flew home for Thanksgiving. On the plane my breasts hurt so badly, I was actually holding them. I took this as a great sign because the first thing I noticed in my previous pregnancy (during the 5th week was breast pain and heaviness). Then on 11dpo my chart started a triphasic pattern. I was also absolutely exhausted and was taking naps everyday. I ended up having a 19 luteal phase (should be 14) and I wasn't pregnant. I was shocked. Now if you take my last pregnancy, I didn't record one pregnancy symptom but ended up with a BFP.

One of the main reasons for confusion is that the hormone, progesterone, is present both before you ovulate and in pregnancy. Both pregnancy and menstruation can cause breast pain, cramps and fatigue.

What has been your experience accurately or inaccurately predicting pregnancy based on early symptoms?

OPKS- the Cheap Pregnancy Test?

2009-08-31T20:15:00.007-05:00

Looking back at my own experiences, I discovered I was pregnant by getting a positive OPK. I knew it didn't make sense to ovulate so early in my cycle. I immediately took a pregnancy test and got strong positives.

Soon, after I get the doctor's okay, I will be back in the world of trying to conceive and had an idea. Could I use OPKs to test early (i.e. 10dpo, 12dpo) for pregnancy and if it looked promising, I could use a First Response Early Result to confirm pregnancy? Pregnancy tests are expensive. While OPKs aren't exactly cheap, especially the Clear Blue Digitals I use, they are less expensive.

Besides my personal experiences, I wanted to dig deeper to see if there is a reason a test that checks for LH could be used in place of a test the looks for HCG (pregnancy hormone).

LH and HCG are both glycoproteins- they consist of a protein with a sugar attached to it. These hormones are comprised of two parts. If you were to break it down (I blocked out anything I learned in chemistry, but let's accept the fact that it can be broken down) the first part, the amino acid chains, are identical. The second part are extremely similiar in composition and function. This explains why some getting fertility treatments are given an HCG trigger shot to stimulate ovulation instead of getting an LH shot.

HCG is more complex of a hormone, it has more parts than LH. Home pregnancy tests are supposed to look for these extra things, not in the LH. However, since they are so similiar, in many cases an OPK can detect HCG. However, a pregnancy test cannot detect LH because a pregnancy test is look for that extra part that LH doesn't have.

The experts point out there are reasons not to use OPKs as pregnancy tests.

If you get a positive OPK, it is only detecting there is either LH or HCG in your system, you can't clearly distinguish which one is being picked up. I would argue though that if you are monitoring your cycle by temping or a fertility monitor, you would have a good idea.

It could lead to false positives because you naturally have LH in your system throughout your cycle. The test picks up a surge of LH, but if the test is more sensitive you might get a false positive.

Most pregnancy tests are more sensitive than OPKS so you would get a positive on a pregnancy test sooner than on an OPK.

Overall, experts agree it isn't a great idea to use OPKs as a pregnancy test. In my opinion, and please take it as just that, I think it might be worth testing.

Here is why. I like using First Response Early Result . They have always been accurate for me. Based on my previous post on pregnancy test sensitivity, you can get a positive by 12dpo. But I dread using them because they are costly.

After having two miscarriages, I am not sure I want to make a big deal to my husband or parents before I know this pregnancy is viable. Now that I am working with a fertility doctor, I can get an HCG beta test and get results the same afternoon. I don't want to waste a FRER on 10dpo, but I would like to know if I was pregnant. That way I could go in, get tested, and then retest on 12 dpo to see if my beta was doubling appropriately. If I did get an early positive on an OPK, which is much cheaper than a pregnancy test, I would use my First Response Early Result to confirm immediately. The downside to me is that if the OPK looks positive but is in fact picking up something else in my system.

Although, this all circles back to conversation about whether it is better to know before 14dpo so you don't risk the heartache of a chemical pregnancy.

What do you think? Would you try this approach?

(source justmommies.com)

Something is Working- But Not Enough

2009-08-31T15:41:00.005-05:00

I am one messed up science experiment. I have so many confounding variables it is impossible to identify which of my many actions should be credited with results.

Since trying to conceive, I haven't had one cycle were I ovulated before CD20. In general, my cycles were 37 days. My doctor said anything over 33 was considered too long.

I started monitoring ovulation in August, my first cycle after fibroid surgery. I got a high on my Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor or CDs 13 and 14. On the evening of CD14, I got a positive OPK using ClearBlue Easy Digital Ovulation Predictor. On CD 15, I got the blessed Peak on my monitor. To say I was in shock is the understatement of the century. I came out to the living room where my husband was contently engrossed in baseball game and did a happy dance for everyone on our street to see (and we get quite a lot of pedestrian traffic).

I was so thrilled to see I was heading into the normal range of cycles. I felt more confident that I would have what my doctor refers to as "a strong ovulation" resulting in ample progesterone production.

To recap, here is what I have been doing since I last monitored ovulation to help lengthen my luteal phase.

Had my Fibroid removed. My doctor said that fibroids don't affect hormones or cycle length. I am not sure I agree.

Seeing a reflexologist every two weeks. She focuses on my endocrine systems and tries to bring my hormones into balance.

Been on Atkins diet for 4 months which controls insulin which should balance out hormones

Take B-6 Vitamin

Exercising 5 days a week (with the exception of fibroid surgery recovery for 6 weeks)

And clearly something if not the confluence of all these factors worked.

A huge benefit that normal-cycled ladies could never understand is not having to wait forever and a day for the next cycle to start. When your cycles are long, it is even more upsetting to get a BFN because you know you have to wait so long until your next opportunity to try. I also can use fewer Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor Sticks. I only used 7 this cycle (I stop testing once I get a peak).

I went in 7 days after my initial positive OPK and had my progesterone drawn. I previously had never been above 8.4. A reading of 5 shows some sort of ovulation but weak ovulation. 10 is what the doctors want to see for normal ovulation. I came back at 13. I was triumphant. I just felt everything had fallen into place because of all these steps I had taken.

Everything was looking rosy until 10dpo when I started spotting. By 12dpo, it hadn't stopped. The fertility doctor told me to come in to get another progesterone draw. I got the results 3 hours later. My progesterone had crashed to 4.8, a level so low, it didn't seem pregnancy could be sustained. I did however, make it to 14dpo, before my next cycle started, which really is great news. My longest cycle since last year had only had an 11 day luteal phase.

My doctor said that it seemed the corpus lutem gave up to early. She explained that a luteal phase defect can manifest in two ways. The first way is your period starts too soon. The second way is that you progesterone drops significantly, too early.

Since my ovulation was good, she doesn't want to treat with clomid right off the bat. Instead she wants me to take progesterone starting 3dpo. Hopefully, that will do the trick.

Anyone use progesterone to keep there levels up throughout the whole tww?

Exercise, TTC, and Pregnancy

2009-08-31T14:56:00.004-05:00

I had my 6 week post-surgery appointment today and am now approved to work out. I was so eager for this day but when I got back from the appointment I had to mentally force myself to change into my exercise clothes. Well- the exercise reprieve was nice while it lasted.

This got me thinking. How intensely should you work out when you are trying to conceive?
Once pregnant, you shouldn't let your heart rate exceed 150bpm. But during the dreaded TWW (two week wait), when you don't know if you are pregnant, should you hold back on exercise intensity?

First off, studies show exercise is important during pregnancy.
Exercisers experience:

fewer aches and pains
lower risk of gestational diabetes
less likely to gain excess weight
easier labor
quicker recovery after pregnancy

The CDC suggests pregnant woman should exercise 30 minutes a day most days of the weeks.

My doctor told me that if you had been working out regularly prior to pregnancy, you can keep it up during pregnancy, but you need to keep your heart rate under 150bpm. She also frowned up jumping (sorry Jillian, won't be 30day shredding with you during the TWW).

From what I have read, it is best to follow the pregnancy guidelines during the TWW. Moderate exercise has not be linked to increased miscarriage. Be sure to hydrate, warm up, cool down, and stretch (but not intensely). A fertility specialist on babycenter.com said that it is safe to exercise during your most fertile days (ovulation).

So there you have it ladies- we have no excuses!

Chemical Pregnancies- is it Worth it Test Early?

2009-08-29T18:35:00.005-05:00

My mom and mother-in-law love to tell me how back in their day, they didn't even know they were pregnant until they were weeks to a month late. Maybe ignorance is bliss, because what you didn't know couldn't hurt you.

Today, some people get positive pregnancy tests (BFPs) as early as 8dpo. While it is more common to get your first BFP 10-14dpo, is it worth it to test early?

I read a statistic that frightened the bejesus out of me. 60%-70% pregnancies are chemical, resulting in an early miscarriage before the fifth week. So that means if 6 out of 10 people were pregnant on 8dpo, only 4 will be on 14dpo.

I think there are valid reasons to test early. Of course, the suspense is horrible and let's face it, some of us are obsessive. Also, you can get tested early for progesterone levels and get supplements if you need them. You can get your HCG levels tested. They should double every other day, so if you get a BFP on 10dpo, you can get retested on 12dpo and by 13dpo when you get your results, you can tell if your pregnancy is moving in the right direction.

The cons are obvious-you get an early BFP, are ecstatic, tell your husband, tell your parents and three days later you get your period. Studies show that most chemical pregnancies would not have been detected had the woman waited until her period was due.

Chromosomal problems in the developing fetus are the most likely cause of a chemical pregnancy and couldn't have been avoided. Other possible causes are inadequate uterine lining or physical problems with uterus, LPD, infections, and hormonal issues. Given that there are these other causes that are treatable, it could be helpful to know so you could begin testing. Also, at least the woman would know she can get pregnant.

The earliest that I have ever tested was 10dpo and it was negative. Both times when I was pregnant I tested about a week after my period was due. I am not so sure I could be so disciplined now to wait to even 14dpo.

What do you think, is it worth it to know early?

What's Her Angle?

2009-08-29T09:29:00.003-05:00

Something very odd is going on - or not going on, to be more accurate. My mom has seemed to remove herself from my reproduction.

If you have been keeping up with my blog, you can understand why this is so eerie. See, my mom has no boundaries. We are very close so she really doesn't bother to take the time to think her intrusive questions are crossing a line. She speaks about my husband's sperm, inquires if we are bedding, asks when I think I will ovulate, asks me "how are you feeling?". And when I respond "fine" she says, "well what about your stomach" and walking into her trap I say, "my stomach doesn't hurt" and then she will deduce "so you haven't gotten your period yet?" I am not kidding, that was a real conversation. She is the Sherlock Holmes of my procreation.

But now, all is quiet on the overbearing front. She doesn't ask when we will start trying again. She'll ask how a doctor's appointment went or my HSG. She is very vested, but reserved. I did tell her I feel pressure from people knowing that I once I am cleared to try again, that the family will be waiting for a happy phone call from me and that is stressful. I just didn't expect her to take it her heart. Generally, she feels like these boundaries don't apply to her.

Lately, I have been wondering what would happen when I got pregnant. Would I blurt it out as soon as I heard her voice as is my typical M.O.? Or would I wait to confirm a heartbeat? She is in a Catch-22 that she doesn't even know she is in.

If I told her early that I was with child, she could either be cautious (which would make me think she thinks something would go wrong) or excited (which would me nervous if something did go wrong she would be disappointed again and sad for me). And I, in turn, am in a Catch-22. If I don't tell her right away, she will be pissed and likely hurt. Even if I waited 2 weeks for the first ultrasound, she would be upset. She would expect that I call her the second the line appears or as I am waiting the three minutes for the test to display results.

As my dad would say, these are good problems to have. I am sure I wouldn't be able to keep it in for ten seconds anyway, so this stream of maternal consciousness is probably moot.

The 411 on Clomid

2009-08-27T07:21:00.004-05:00

With Clomid being dangled in front of me like a baby-making carrot, I set out to learn more about it. Here is some information about what it does, how you take to, side effects, risks, and success rates. I would love feedback from past users to hear if it was successful for you and any side effects you have had.

What is Clomid:

The most commonly used fertility drug that stimulates ovulation about 80% of the time
It works by stimulating hormones that cause ovulation

How do you Take Clomid:

Pills are taken orally early in a woman's cycle (Typically CD 3-7 or 5-9)
Typically, you start off with the lowest dose, 50 mg. If this proves unsuccessful in achieving ovulation or pregnancy, the doctor may increase the dosage all the way up to but not exceeding 150mg
Often used in conjunction with IUI treatments (artificial insemination)
Some doctors monitor your follicles to see if quality eggs are being produced, others do not
Many doctors have patients do what is called the Clomid Challenge. This is used to evaluate a woman's ovulation and egg quality or ovarian reserve. Clomid increases FSH levels after 5 days of use. On the sixth day, the FSH blood level is drawn. It it drops back to normal levels, then ovarian reserve is normal. If it is high, it indicates a low ovarian reserve (your body is working harder to ovulate)

Who should take Clomid:

Clomid is administered when there is a known problem with ovulation, but no physical problem, i.e. blocked fallopian tubes
People with irregular cycles or anovulatory cycles (don't ovulate)
Woman with PCOS have had good success with Clomid
Used commonly for people with unexplained infertility
People with Luteal Phase Defect may take to achieve a strong ovulation and produce more progesterone to lengthen the luteal phase

Side Effects from Clomid:

Nausea
Bloating
Dizziness
Blurry Vision
Breast Tenderness
Hot Flashes
Moodiness
Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome

Risks of Taking Clomid:

The risk of multiples is exponentially higher on Clomid than natural conception. The twins rate is 10%
Triplets and multiples of higher order are much more rare, with a 1% chance
Clomid can decrease the amount of cervical mucus present and makes transporting the sperm to your egg more difficult
Potentially, Clomid can thin the uterine lining, making implantation harder to achieve
It is not recommended to take Clomid for more than six cycles

Success Rates with Clomid Use:

80% of users will ovulate
30% of users get pregnant their cycle of use
40-45% of women using Clomid for 6 cycles will achieve pregnancy

Sources: infertility.about.com, webmd.com

The Sperm Meets Egg Plan

2009-08-25T14:31:00.006-05:00

Over the last year, I have periodically come across the "Sperm Meets Egg Plan" as a method of getting pregnant. It is a combination of doing the deed every other day and using ovulation predictor tests. Each time I have come across it, there is always the short plan and long version. I am pasting this verbatim from a post I came across.

Short Version:

"Try" every other night starting Day 8

Buy 10 ovulation predictor kit sticks Begin ovulation testing on Day 10

When test is positive, "try" that night, plus two additional nights in a row Skip one night, then do one last "try"

Take a home pregnancy test 15 days after your ovulation test was positive, if your period has not begun

If your ovulation test never goes positive, continue "trying" every other night until Day 35, then do a pregnancy test if your period has not begun.

Statistics coming in from the bulletin board show that about 40% of post-miscarriage women will get pregnant on the first try if they are faithful to the plan, about double the number of the normal population who are not on the plan. This assumes, of course, that you waited for a normal cycle to begin after your loss, and did not begin trying before having a period after a miscarriage. Many women do not ovulate in that first cycle.

Detailed Version:

On day 8 of your cycle, counting from the first day you bled, begin "trying" every other night.

Begin taking Ovulation Predictor Kits (or continue with your Ovulation computer) on Day 10. To make sure your OPK is working well, take your test in the afternoon or after work and do not drink any liquids or go to the bathroom for at least four hours prior to testing. (Morning is not a good time for OPKs, which look for the LH surge, which usually happens during the day.)

When your OPK turns positive, begin trying every night for three consecutive nights, skip the fourth night, and then once more. Then stop! The waiting begins. Take a home pregnancy test 15 or 16 days after your OPK was positive if your period has not begun.

Should your OPK never become positive, keep the every other day trying going until day 35.

Remember that not every women will ovulate every month.

As you are trying, make sure to "release" the sperm in your partner at least once during the gap between ovulation and new cycle Day 8 so that no more than 10 days elapse without new sperm production. Sperm is also a cause of genetic damage, not just eggs, so keep it fresh

Apparently, a blogger named Deanna created the Sperm Meets Egg plan in 1999 (http://pregnancyloss.info/sperm-meets-egg-plan/). Average Janes have generally positive comments about the method; many saying it worked their first month. Others say they like it because they don't have to chart temperatures. Detractors say it causes you to think about TTC too much and the stress is bad for baby-making.

I think it is a good plan for a woman who doesn't want to hassle with constantly monitoring her cycle and whose husband is willing to bed her every other night on command in order to get the baby. From conversations with friends, the stereotypical male who wants it all the time, if he even survived the first few years of marriage, is pretty much MIA once he is told when he needs to do it regardless of how long their day at the office was. So for those blissful bunnies - I say go for it!

First Response Fertility Test- worth the money?

2009-08-25T09:25:00.008-05:00

You may have seen ads for the First Response Fertility Test

on TV. I was curious as to what the test actually tested and if it was accurate. It seems so daunting to get that information at home.

Here is what I could dig up.

The Basics:

It costs about $25 for two tests
Must be done on day 3 of your cycle
It tests a woman's FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) level, a sign of egg quality and quantity, a leading indicator of fertility. FSH helps regulate your cycle and signals the ovaries to ovulate.
You are born will all your eggs and each month an age matures in preparation for ovulation. With each month, the number of good eggs and fertility decreases.
Hold one of the sticks in your urine for 5 seconds and then wait 30 minutes for results
Shouldn't be used by pregnant woman or woman going through IVF or on the pill. PCOS will affect results too.
First Response claims the test is 95% accurate

Results:

If your ovarian reserve (eggs) is low in quantity or quality, your FSH level (early in the cycle) will be higher than normal because you are producing more FSH to try and stimulate your ovaries to produce a mature egg. This means your fertility potential is below normal.
To determine your results, you need to compare the test line to the control line
If your control line is darker than your test line, FSH levels are normal
If your contol line is lighter than your test line or the lines are similar color, FSH levels are high and you may have more trouble getting pregnant. In this instance call your doctor to set up further testing. This does not mean you can't or won't get pregnant, but it might be good to get yourself checked out.

My take on the test-

I haven't taken it but the price seems right. It is cheaper than getting a Day 3 FSH test at the doctor. My concern is only that if you did get a negative result, you might jump to the conclusion that you can't have kids and that isn't the case. Also, this only tests one aspect of fertility, FSH levels. It doesn't look at prolactin, thyroid levels, progesterone, and physical issues like cysts, fibroids, or determine if you are ovulating, but it is a good starting point. I have heard from people that use it that it brings them a sense of relief when the get good test results.

Baby Aspirin: The Fertility Wonder Drug?

2009-08-24T08:42:00.004-05:00

I first heard about the use of baby aspirin and pregnancy through the TTC boards. I am not big on taking medicine, so didn't start popping pills myself. I know, shocking, since I am pretty much always looking for the quick fix to get pregnant.

At my consultation with the fertility doctor 2 weeks ago, she recommended I take a baby aspirin a day. She said that even though I had tested negative for the blood clotting disorder, there are some minor disorders that aren't tested and baby aspirin can help treat them. This is often recommended for people who have had unexplained, recurrent miscarriages.

I went to purchase the baby aspirin and found it doesn't exist anymore. I remember baby aspirin from my youth. I think Tylenol has cornered the baby pain market. I asked the pharmacist and she said I need a "low dose" or 81mg aspirin. It is a tiny pill and I started taking it daily with my vitamins.

I have done more research since leaving the fertility doctor and some studies suggest baby aspirin might actually help you get pregnant. Supposedly, baby aspirin increases ovarian activity and increased blood flow to the uterus. This creates a thicker and healthier uterine lining for the egg to implant in and allows more blood flow to help create placenta.

Here is more information on baby aspirin and fertility.
http://www.sharedjourney.com/articles/aspirin.html
http://www.thebabycorner.com/page/1372/
http://parenting.ivillage.com/ttc/ttcprep/0,,midwife_46td,00.html

Please speak to your doctor before starting aspirin therapy.

Resetting the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor

2009-08-23T06:57:00.003-05:00

With more and more people buying their Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor
used on eBay or borrowing from a friend, I thought I would post the instructions on how to reset the monitor so it wipes clean the memory. As you know, the monitor stores the users information for months, so you want to make sure someone else's information is removed.

I have used it to reset after a miscarriage made my cycle length wacky and didn't want the monitor to think that long cycle was normal for me. However, I had only been using the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor
for one month prior. I don't recommend resetting for yourself if you have months of data stored.

A third reason to reset might be if you have taken years off between kids and your cycle is different than when trying to conceive for the first time.

Below are the instructions. They are somewhat hard to find, because Clearblue Easy doesn't want to encourage people buying used monitors.

1. With the monitor off, place a clean, unused test stick with cap on in the monitor. Make sure you hear the snap.

2. Press and hold the “M” button on the right side of the monitor.

3. Turn the monitor on.

4. You will get the “Remove Your Test Stick” sign. Keep pressing the “M” button. In about 20 seconds you will see a screen full of symbols, i.e., a telephone, a brush, the remove the stick, the insert the stick, you get the picture the screen will be full.

5. Remove the Test Stick and release your finger from the “M” button

6. Your screen should display an “M” in the lower right corner and to – - in the top right corner. Your monitor has been reset and all the info has been wiped from it’s memory.

Pregnancy Symptoms- how do you know when you are pregnant?

2009-08-21T18:04:00.007-05:00

There is nothing more fun or shall I saw, all-consuming, for a TTCer than over-analyzing her alleged pregnancy symptoms. We have learned to skillfully harness the energy we once used to over-analyze everything our boyfriends and husbands said, did, and thought and now use it for the power of pregnancy prognostication. We rely on these happy harbingers to answer the monthly questions - am I or aren't I pregnant?

I have compiled a bunch of symptoms from several lists. The big caveat is that a lot of people don't feel anything for weeks into their pregnancy. But what fun would it be to think the reason we are tired is because we didn't get home until 2 am when you could easily attribute it the fatigue you feel in early pregnancy?

Happy obsessing,
Dana

1) Swollen or tender breasts
2) Implantation bleeding
3) Delayed or no period
4) Fatigue or being tired
5) Morning sickness
6) Frequent urination
7) Headaches
8) Backaches
9) Areolas darken
10) Food cravings
11) Cramps
12) Heartburn
13) Feeling faint
14) Mood swings
15) Abdominal bloating

The Lingo- the meaning of trying to conceive language

2009-08-21T17:41:00.010-05:00

If you are new to the world of trying to conceive social media, you might find that droves of women are speaking an unfamiliar language of abbreviations, acronyms, and phrases that normal people don't use. Above is a list to help you navigate these waters with more confidence. I have created my own acronym with my husband (DH) which is BFPP, big fat positive present. I thought he had agreed when the time comes to get us a new, bigger car. I really thought he agreed. He told me to get that out of my head, but I might get the La Mer moisturizer I have been coveting like it is my job. Since we seem to be the only two people use the catchy acronym BFPP, I will leave it off the list.

B6 Vitamin and Your luteal phase

2009-08-20T14:26:00.009-05:00

Big caveat- I am not a doctor and don't pretend to be one on a blog. I have, however, read an awful lot about how to get pregnant. One common problem (which I might still have, we will see after charting this cycle) is a Luteal Phase Defect.

Essentially, the time between Ovulation and Menstruation should be 14 days, but really needs to be a minimum of 11 days in order to sustain a pregnancy. If your Luteal Phase is short than 11 days, you might not be able to get pregnant or if you do, there is an increased chance you will miscarry. Basically, your uterine lining sheds to quickly, starting your next cycle.

Doctors tend to want to treat Luteal Phase Defect with Clomid. Clomid is highly effective, however, for those not willing to risk the chance of multiples or feel uncomfortable jumping to fertility drugs without trying less invasive approaches, you answer might be in the form of a super vitamin- B6.

B6 has been shown to lengthen the luteal phase. Reports vary about how much you need, 50mg - 200mg. Most pre-natals have some B6 in them, but not enough to lengthen your Luteal Phase. Stand alone B6 vitamins are available and are relatively inexpensive (less than $10 for 100 capsules). B6 is also found in foods like yeast, whole grains, eggs and meat.

If you suspect you have a Luteal Phase Defect, you should chart your cycles. Once ovulation is detected, make sure you have at least 11 days before your next cycle starts. If so you are probably in the clear. If you notice it is at least 11 days but have spotting prior to that, you might want to consider taking a B6 vitamin supplement.

I personally was taking 50mg a day in conjunction with my pre-natal. When I ran out of vitamins, I bought a new bottle with 100mg of B6 a pill. Since I haven't charted since my miscarriage in April, I don't know if it has been affected, but will be sure to report back to you. I did not take B6 prior to my second miscarriage.